Page 56 of Goodnight, Sinners

Yes,Jozef signed quickly and decisively.

Saskia had been right.

Will it make a difference if I ask you not to?

Jozef stared steadily down at her.Yes, it will make a difference.

But you intend to hurt him anyway, don’t you?

Jozef didn’t speak. He rarely spoke when the person asking already knew the answer.

Shaun sighed. “Well, I’d still like to treat his wound.”

Go ahead,Jozef signed.When you finish, you’ll be escorted back to the house.

Shaun got to work, patching up the wound in Adam’s side. She pulled on a pair of gloves and used hydrogen peroxide to wash her hands and for a quick clean of the wound to remove debris. She used soap and water for a more thorough cleaning.

Adam flinched, but otherwise didn’t move as she worked on him. He was staring at the ceiling now, perhaps mentally preparing himself for torture.

Torture.

Shaun was going to be complicit in torturing a person. She would know it was happening and wouldn’t do anything about it.

Without realizing, her breaths became shallow as her thoughts battered her. Sweat beaded her forehead. She shrugged a shoulder, soaking the sweat with her sleeve.

She finished the sutures and taped gauze over the wound. She took her bloody gloves off and set them aside. She tried to stand, but her legs wobbled badly.

Jozef caught her under the arms and pulled her away from the pallet.

Shaun knew all eyes in the room were now on her, but she couldn’t stop the panic attack. It hit her like a cement truck, sucking the air from her lungs. She tried to take in a deep breath, but it strangled in her throat, choking her.

Her fingers flexed and curled, as if they had minds of their own, her nails cutting into her palms. Her legs refused to work, refused to carry her from the room. Her cheeks burned as she felt her dignity slipping.

Why did it have to happen here? In front of all these people?

Jozef lifted her and carried her from the room. In the corridor, he sat her down on a bench and crouched in front of her. She thought she might see accusation in his eyes. She had shown weakness in front of almost half a dozen men. Even though she was new to the mafia, she knew enough to realize one didn’t show weakness. It was like leaving blood in the water for the sharks to find.

She should have known better, though. The only thing Jozef’s expression said to her was how concerned he was. It helped her calm down a little. He stared at her, his eyes eloquent while he ran his hands up and down her arms, then her thighs.

He didn’t tell her to breathe. He didn’t have to. He showed her what he wanted to do by taking in steady breaths, then letting them out. In and out, in and out. With each breath, more oxygen flooded her brain and body, making her feel steadier.

When she finally caught her breath, the tears started. “I’m complicit,” she told Jozef. “I’m complicit in whatever you do to him, and I’m complicit by living here. I’m complicit by not turning you into the police.” She placed her hand over her chest, over her heart. “I am complicit in harming others, and I swore an oath to do the opposite.”

Jozef’s gaze became sad, but she could still read his determination. He had no intention of changing.

“I can’t do this, Jozef,” she sobbed. “I tried, because I love you more than I’ve loved anyone ever. But I can’t do this. It’s the opposite of everything I stand for, of who I am.”

She didn’t know what she was trying to tell him. She couldn’t bring herself to tell him she was leaving, or to demand he let her go. He solved her problem in his typical Jozef way.

First, he touched her face, holding her wet cheeks between his palms before leaning forward and gently kissing her, licking the salty tears from her lips. Then he stood, towering over her.

Shaun looked up at him.

You are not complicit.When she shook her head, he tapped her cheek with his finger. It didn’t hurt, but the tap was sharp enough to keep her from arguing with him.You’re not complicit because you are my captive. You might love me, you might wish to stay with me, but you are still my captive. I will never let you go. Even if you come to hate me. Even if you run away from me. I will always find you and I will always bring you back.

She blinked away her tears, the last of the tightness in her chest dissipating. Despite his brutal words, she treasured them. They allowed her peace of mind when she couldn’t seem to find it on her own.

You belong to me,he continued.Nothing you can do will induce me to allow you to leave. I know you believe you can convince me to let you go if you really want to go, but it’s time to let that fantasy go. You will never leave. Not now, not ever.

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