Page 76 of Goodnight, Sinners

Her period wasn’t late, though it had been a little wonky lately, so she’d bought one of those early pregnancy tests. She and Jozef had been having unprotected sex since they met, and Shaun assumed she kept getting lucky by not getting pregnant.

Damn it. How long had it been? One minute, two, three? Why hadn’t she brought her phone in with her so she could time it?

She paced the length of her washroom, back and forth, trying not to look at the stick. It was a sizeable washroom, so she had room to pace. She was at home, having gotten off work from the hospital a few hours earlier.

She’d been working on her research on laser guidance technology when she broke down and used the test she’d asked Dr. Cerný to pick up for her. It was the only way she could get her hands on one without Jozef finding out.

Shaun wasn’t ready to have that conversation with him yet. Mostly because she had no idea where her own head was at when it came to pregnancy. She didn’t think it would be responsible to bring a child into their current situation… yet she couldn’t bring herself to start using birth control.

She knew she should talk to Jozef, but he’d been so overworked lately. When they finally got to spend time together, he seemed grateful to just be with her, whether they were eating a meal, watching TV or reading together.

Somehow, Shaun thought bringing up the possibility of a baby might add to the already heavy weight he carried. Yet, she was positive he wouldn’t want her on birth control. He was so possessive, so completely wild when it came to her. She suspected he wanted to have a baby with her as quickly as they could manage, whether or not it was the responsible choice.

Shaun picked up the pregnancy test. One line. She double checked the paper that came with the box. One line meant… not pregnant.

Tears sparked in her eyes and she collapsed onto the toilet. Doubts flooded her mind, along with self-condemnation. She should be happy, but she wasn’t. What was wrong with her? Bringing a baby into their situation was a terrible idea.

But what if there was actually something wrong with her? She was thirty-five and a half. Maybe her eggs were running out. Maybe she was going through early menopause. Maybe the stress of the past several weeks had caused her reproductive system to go on strike.

Damn it! Why was she stressing this? She was a normal, healthy woman. A doctor. She knew damn well there probably wasn’t anything wrong with her. Her body sensed her elevated anxiety levels and knew it was better to hold off on a baby until she could confidently carry it.

Should she have a baby at all? She’d always wanted to have one someday, but it had been a distant, fuzzy goal in her career-driven world. She’d consoled herself that if she reached the age where she couldn’t have a viable pregnancy, then she would adopt. Now, she faced a situation she never could have imagined.

She tossed the test into the garbage and left the bathroom, walking straight into Jozef who was standing on the other side. He gripped her arms, steadying her.

“Jozef!”

Her smile at seeing him died as she looked into his face. He was furious.

“What’s wrong?” she asked as he dropped his hands and stepped away from her. “Did something happen?”

She imagined every terrible scenario as he stared at her, his icy blue eyes unforgiving. Had the club been attacked again? Was her mother in danger? Was Saskia injured?

“Please tell me what’s going on.”

Maybe you should tell me,he signed.You’re the one keeping secrets.

Shaun frowned. Keeping secrets? What was he talking about?

“I don’t know what you mean, I tell you… everything,” she lied. She didn’t have much choice. Jozef was always watching her. Even when he wasn’t with her, he was watching through his bodyguards or the cameras installed through the mansion.

D-A-S-H-A.He spelled each letter of her name with quick, vicious movements.

Shaun’s heart sank. Shehadbeen keeping a secret from him, but it was sort of accidentally on purpose. Her schedule at the hospital was becoming increasingly more demanding and Interpol hadn’t connected with her except for the first time. She thought they’d either forgotten about her or were waiting for another opportunity, so she let the whole thing go.

“I’m sorry,” she said in a conciliatory tone. “I didn’t think about what it would mean to you.”

What were you thinking?Even in sign language, she could tell his tone was scathing.

“Jozef, I’m used to making independent decisions. I’ve never had to run my every thought and action by anyone before. I’m sorry this has upset you, but I really hadn’t thought it through. I was preoccupied with the hospital and settling into this mansion.”

That’s why you can’t keep secrets from me,he signed, pacing in front of her.You don’t know how to keep yourself safe. You don’t understand the danger all around us.

“I’m not a child,” she snapped, losing some of her calm. “I knew how to take care of myself just fine until I met you.”

His eyes glowed with icy fire as he glared at her.You have proven repeatedly that you aren’t capable of keeping yourself safe. I’ve kidnapped you twice, my aunt attacked you twice, and you allowed Interpol to get to you without saying a word to me.

She crossed her arms over her chest and glared back at him. “You really want to talk about the time you kidnapped me and then dragged me into a family intrigue that has had more of a destructive force in my life than anything else that’s ever happened to me?”

---