Page 98 of Goodnight, Sinners

“Yes,” Shaun said, misery lacing her words. “I’m almost 36. What if I’ve waited too long?”

Fatima sighed and took Shaun’s hand, squeezing it. “You’re the doctor, you tell me.”

Shaun stared at her mother, then wiped away the tears and tried to get her brain to work. “I suppose there are plenty of women having babies later in life now, in their late thirties and forties. With health care and medicine where it’s at, women can have babies later and still carry to term.” Shaun shook her head. “But that doesn’t explain why I can’t get pregnant.”

“How do you know you can’t get pregnant?” Fatima asked, her voice taking on a scolding edge. “You haven’t been trying for very long and you’ve had some traumatic years. Your body might not want you to get pregnant as long as you’re in fight-or-flight mode. Have you seen a gynecologist or a fertility specialist?”

Shaun nodded. “We’re waiting for results.”

“Then you’re worrying about nothing, because there’s nothing you can do until you know.”

Shaun opened her mouth, then closed it. Her mother was right, but the lack of pregnancy wasn’t all there was to it.

“It feels wrong to deliberately bring a child into the Bratva, mom.” Shaun glanced over her shoulder at the door. Jozef was downstairs with his men. He’d promised to come up for dinner. “My husband is a Vor. His life will always be in danger. If he has a child, that child’s life will also be in danger. I can’t help but wonder… maybe this is fate’s way of preventing us from making a huge mistake and bringing a child into our messy lives.”

“Nonsense,” Fatima snapped as soon as the words had left Shaun’s mouth. “Regardless of how you have a child, deliberate or not, you’re still taking responsibility for it. You chose this life, now you need to embrace it.”

Fatima pushed herself up off the couch and headed for the kitchen, patting Shaun’s head along the way. She returned, handing Shaun her wineglass, then went back to the stove to stir the stew and start the jasmine rice.

Shaun sat cross-legged on the couch, sipped her wine and thought about what her mother had said to her.

Fatima was right. It was time to stop resisting the life she had finally accepted as hers. She needed to take the next step and embrace it. She could never condone the violence, but she accepted that it was part of being with Jozef.

If there was one thing she’d learned over the past few years, it was that life was messy. There were no simple answers. She could hate aspects of Jozef’s profession, but she couldn’t hate the man. In fact, she loved him beyond reason, and she wanted to have a baby. His baby.

She looked at her mother.

“Come to a decision?” Fatima asked, filling a pot with water.

“I’m going to get in touch with the gynecologist tomorrow, see if she has anything yet.”

They continued to talk until supper time. Shaun described the rest of her trip to Russia and listened while Fatima filled Shaun in on Saskia’s studies. Saskia was spending more and more time with Fatima. Shaun suspected her mother was becoming a surrogate for Saskia’s parents. It was a sad thought, but hopefully Saskia might finally get what she needed from a parental figure.

Jozef knocked once before letting himself into the apartment. He beelined for Fatima, his nose twitching in anticipation.

Something smells amazing. My mother-in-law is the best cook I know.

He bent to kiss her cheek.

“Flatterer.” Fatima waved him away, but a smile stretched her lips. “Go sit with your wife. Supper will be ready soon.”

Jozef settled onto the couch next to Shaun, leaning over to press a lingering kiss to her lips, while pulling her wineglass away.

He took a long sip before returning the glass to her and settling back against the couch cushions.

Shaun couldn’t take her eyes off him. Her husband. The man she would spend the rest of her life with. He was breathtakingly beautiful in a hard, ruthless sort of way. She was becoming used to the deadly air about him. He would never hurt her. She was inside his bubble, safe at his side.

His eyes had drifted shut and his breathing slowed. His long dark eyelashes cast shadows over his cheeks, giving him an innocent look while his starkly painted tattoos peeked from beneath the collar of his shirt.

Though he had full command of the Czech Republic underworld, it was a full-time job. He didn’t get enough sleep and was often called away in the night to put out a fire.

“Supper,” Fatima called to them.

They helped her carry the dishes and food to the table, then sat together.

Jozef tapped the table and waved his hand across the spread of dishes.Thank you for inviting us here to share your supper. These meals are some of my favourite. I will treasure them as I treasure you.

Fatima blushed.

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