Page 80 of The Red Queen

Donada grasped Desi’s hand and squeezed. “He will forgive you, Desi.”

Chapter Thirty-Four

Once Desi had Donada’s confidence, the decision to leave was easy. She felt terrible for deceiving Giovanni, but she knew she was right. He would never allow her to leave on her own. He likely wouldn’t even allow her to leave with him and a team of bodyguards until the baby was born, and by then it might be too late.

Desi needed to go now, before she did something she would come to regret.

She needed to take a long look at herself, the life that had been forced on her and the life she wanted in her future. And she couldn’t do that under the watchful presence of her overbearing, protective, and possessive husband who had his own agenda for their lives together.

The actual act of leaving was more difficult than the decision. Her near-constant morning nausea prevented an early start to her day, which would have been ideal.

Desi decided that she would cross the Atlantic and go back to Mexico. Not back to the compound and the cartel. That part of her life was over.

Instead, she would find her mother and the family she’d created after Desi’s disappearance. Now that she knew her mother hadn’t sold her into slavery, Desi wanted to see the person who’d raised her to the age of ten. She wanted to hear the voice she could only remember in song and the long dark hair that used to brush her face when her mother leaned over to kiss her.

Desi longed to share these thoughts with Giovanni. She knew she could trust him with her hopes and desires, but she couldn’t trust him to give her what she wanted, what she needed. A trip to Mexico, a visit to her mother. Alone, without his commanding presence and his desire for a baby haunting her.

Desi needed to find her place in the world before she could find her place with Giovanni, and she couldn’t be with him when she did that. She desperately hoped Donada’s prediction was correct, that Giovanni loved her enough to forgive her.

Aside from feeling like she was betraying Giovanni, the most difficult part of her plan was in leaving Italy without a passport. She’d had one with her in Miami, but she wasn’t sure what happened to it. She thought Giovanni might have had it picked up from her apartment. It’s what she would have done if she’d intended to kidnap someone and force them to marry her. Eventually, they might travel together. Then again, he probably had access to a good forger, which she could really use right about now.

Ironically, Desi knew a good forger, one of the best in the business, but Desi had almost killed the woman when she’d attacked Mateo. Though they’d settled some of their animosity, she didn’t think Raina would be in a good frame of mind for helping her and Desi could imagine how that conversation would go if she got up the guts to ask. She was pretty sure she’d find herself locked in Giovanni’s dungeon again.

Fate seemed to shine on Desi’s plan when, a few days later, while shopping in Venice, a gift in the form of a passport landed in her lap. Or almost in her lap, if a person counted overhearing a couple of women discussing their cruise ship, which had recently docked, stealing the dark-haired Spanish woman’s handbag, which she had helpfully left on the counter while bending over to try on a pair of shoes, rifling through until Desi found a passport and cruise identification card, verifying the age and looks were similar enough to Desi and leaving the shop and the handbag behind.

Having gotten her hands on the passport and ID, Desi made the quick decision to go immediately, while the element of surprise was on her side. Vitto and her other guards had no reason to think she would run. In fact, Giovanni had been clear that they were there for her protection, not to babysit, giving her some measure of freedom when she went into the city. It was easy to go into another shop and slip out the back door while they were watching the front for potential threats.

Her heart hammered in her chest as she approached the cruise ship she knew the woman was on, because she followed them back and watched as the woman frantically dug through her purse, then told the porter she would be quick as she ran back to the shops.

As the woman and her friend took off, Desi boldly stepped into the line of passengers waiting to get on the ship. She looked up at the giant behemoth as she waited, taking in the sheer size. She’d never been up close and personal to a ship of this magnitude.

She’d been on cargo ships, but those had been cramped and uncomfortable, not for the purpose of pleasure.

“Identification.”

Desi handed her borrowed cruise card over to the man, hoping she was right and that the size of the ship would make it difficult for the staff to remember individuals. Sure enough, he scanned the card and handed it back to her, then waved her onto the ramp.

Desi walked up the gangway, but paused in the hatch, looking back toward Venice. Now was her last chance. She could go back to her bodyguards and make up some excuse for getting separated.

She could go back to Giovanni, tell him she needed to talk to him about the pregnancy. No threats, no temper tantrums. Just the two of them talking through her fear. He would do it if she approached him gently.

It wasn’t too late.

“Excuse me.”

Desi looked at the couple standing below her on the ramp, waiting to get on the ship. She stared at them in incomprehension, then realized they needed to get past her. She stepped onto the ship, cutting off her view of Venice.

She shook her head. She couldn’t stay in Venice, not now.

Giovanni deserved a wife who could meet him on his level. A woman who wasn’t a fucked up mess of a human, and while she’d made excellent strides toward finding a healthy normal while under his roof, she wasn’t there yet. Not even close. She needed to do this, and she needed to do it on her own.

No way would Giovanni let her leave Italy while she was pregnant with his baby. He hadn’t even wanted her to go into Venice without him. She’d forced a laugh and told him he was being ridiculously overprotective. Now, here she was, about to do exactly as he feared. Disappear.

It’s not forever, she reassured herself.

She would go back home to Mexico, reunite with her mother, and ask all the questions that had burned within her since Nico took her into his cartel.

If she decided she couldn’t live the life Giovanni was forcing her into, she would have his baby and she would give it to him, then she would disappear forever. Her stomach twisted so forcefully at the idea that she stopped in her tracks, gasping for air.

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