Page 77 of The Red Queen

She clung to the edge of the toilet, her fingers digging into the porcelain as she tried to ground herself. Dizziness threatened to swamp her.

“What can’t you do?”

“Have a baby,” she whispered, shivers running up and down her body. She had to force down another wave of nausea.

He cradled her face in his hands and lifted until her gaze met his.

“You have no choice.” His gentle actions were at odds with his harsh words.

She shook her head. “I’m going to be a terrible mother. What do I know about children? I don’t even remember my mother.”

That wasn’t entirely true. She remembered her mom. A bit. She remembered a woman with long wavy black hair, a quick smile, glowing cheeks. The scent of sugar cookies. A beautiful singing voice.

When Desi allowed herself to think of her mother, the things she remembered were frustratingly insubstantial, like a dandelion in the breeze, always dancing out of reach.

“We’ll figure it out,” Giovanni said, a frown creasing his brow. “We have no choice. The baby is coming whether or not you like it.”

Anger rushed through her, and she pushed his hands away, breaking his hold on her. “You had a choice, and you chose this. I have no choice,” she snapped. “This is exactly what you wanted. I told you I wasn’t ready, and you ignored me.”

“I won’t pretend this isn’t what I want, because we both know otherwise.” His voice hardened as he spoke. “I had hoped you would come around to the idea. Perhaps this is happening sooner than you would have liked but we’ve been having a lot of sex and this was always the plan.”

“Your plan, not mine!” She glared at him, pushing herself to her feet and stalking into the bedroom. He followed.

“Enough, Desi,” he growled, impatience leaking through his usual calm. “We’ve been over this. I took you into my home with the intention of marrying you and having a baby. If I hadn’t done that, you would be dead.”

“You saved me, and I owe you now? Is that what you’re saying? My body and my choices belong to you?” she demanded. “It this how our life will be? Forever a slave to your decisions.”

“Stop it!” he thundered, scaring her enough that she took a quick step back from him. He followed her. “You chose life when you stayed with me. If you want to believe I’ve taken all your choices, then go ahead. I will shrink your world until you see exactly what I have given you.”

“I don’t want the things you’ve given me!” she shouted at him, balling her fists against her thighs. “I don’t want your wealth, I don’t want your house, I don’t want any of it if it means I have to give up everything to be with you.”

“What have you given up!” he snarled, lunging for her and pushing her back against the wall. She winced as her leg struck the side table. He gripped her by the neck, pinning her in place and leaning in to speak in a quiet, deadly voice. “I took you from a dungeon, seconds after your finger was severed from your hand. Before that, you were declaring an all-out war against the Miami mob boss, who is backed by two powerful South American bosses and myself. You were on a suicide mission. Before that, you were the slave to a sadistic, perverted motherfucker who raped you as a child. Is that the life you prefer? Because once this baby is born, I can find someone exactly like your precious Nicolas Garza to sell you to.”

Her heart shattered at his words, and she fought to keep the sobs of pain and humiliation inside. She knew this was partially her fault. She pushed and pushed. She used anger like a weapon because she knew no other way. And now he was doing the same, abusing her with words. He was out of patience, and it was her fault for forcing him to this.

Still, she wasn’t entirely wrong, and backing down wasn’t part of her skill set.

“You’ll never understand,” she said, her words dripping with ice. “Yes, you’ve given me more than any man has. You’ve protected and loved me, which is a gift I will take to my grave.” Unless he followed through on his rash promise to sell her to another Nico, but she didn’t believe it. He was speaking recklessly in the heat of the moment. Just like she was. “But that you think the things you’ve given me also gives you the right to make decisions about my body tells me you don’t trust me, that you don’t want a future as equals and I can’t live that way.”

“Of course I don’t trust you, you haven’t earned my trust.”

Hurt was a sharp knife of pain slamming through her breast. “But I’ve done everything to show you I can make a good wife.”

“A few weeks of good behaviour doesn’t erase a lifetime of bad, Desi,” he said scornfully.

“Then why should I trust you?” she demanded angrily as she threw his own words back at him. “A few weeks of good behaviour doesn’t wipe out your history of murder and mayhem. What more can I possibly do to show you I want to be part of this life with you?”

“Have this baby,” he said coolly, stepping away from her.

Pain and anger warred within her, but finally, the terror of an uncertain future won out. “I don’t know if I can.”

He stared at her in icy silence for several long seconds, then he stepped away from her. “You’ll figure it out, either on your own, or with me if you choose to accept my support.”

Chapter Thirty-Three

The next morning, Giovanni had Dr. Danilo come in to check Desi. She agreed to take another pee test and answer questions, but when it came to a pelvic exam, Desi put her foot down. She refused to have a male doctor examine her, especially when she was feeling so confused and at a loss for control.

“The gender of your doctor doesn’t matter,” Giovanni said in a low voice, standing opposite Desi in his office. Dr. Danilo stood nearby, pretending not to listen. “My personal physician is an extremely competent medical professional, and you will respect his expertise.”

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