Page 10 of Shuttered Hearts

There is Max to think about. But he would be better off being with Caleb and Emily if the time came for him to no longer be with Dad, which is something I refuse to think about.

The point being, Declan is the kind of guy to settle down and create deep roots wherever he ends up. Based on the limited interactions I had with him, and hearing about him from the students in my classes, Ashford Falls is the place he picked. He isn’t going anywhere.

So, exploring these feelings—feelings that are definitely new to me—isn’t an option.

No matter how much I don’t want to admit it … I’m more like my mother than anyone should want to be. I don’t hate Ashford Falls or small-town living the way she appeared to. There are pieces of this place I would always love and crave while being anywhere else. But I don’t think this is a place for me permanently, either. I love traveling and experiencing new things. Things you could never experience here.

That said, I don’t love the hustle and bustle of the city, either. Everyone moves too fast, with what feels like no appreciation for the world around them. It would be nice to have a slower, calmer home base to come back to between assignments. But is that place Ashford Falls? Would I be able to find peace here when Dad is no longer around?

Again, something I refuse to think about right now. Dad is still here, and outside of this accident, he’s still doing well. I still have time with him, and I refuse to rush that.

I hear the final bell ring, signaling the end of Max's school day. Kids will come out of those doors in moments, and I’m still unsure how to share the news about Dad.

Max has been forced to grow up much faster than any kid should, between his mother abandoning him, and the only man he has known as his father battling lung cancer. I was eighteen when my mother abandoned us, and even now, at twenty-eight, I still don’t understand it.

Dad has been around for all the major milestones I already experienced. Ones you take for granted that your parents will be there for. Max wouldn’t get those moments. Dad wouldn’t be there on his first day of high school, he wouldn’t be there to talk him through his first love, or for any of his graduations. He wouldn’t be there to encourage him to follow his dreams, whatever they might be. If I don’t understand it, how can he?

The passenger door opens, pulling me from my thoughts. I look over to see Max wave to a group of friends before getting into the car.

I’m still surprised by how grown-up he looks every time I see him. He takes after our mother, with his brown hair, brown eyes, and button nose. But he carries himself just like Dad, confident and strong, even at eleven years old.

“Have a good day at school?” I ask, helping him put his backpack in the back seat.

“It was fine. A normal school day.”

“Learn anything new?” It’s probably a stupid question, but I can’t stop myself from asking.

Max stops getting himself situated and looks up at me. “Did Dad tell you to ask me that?”

I laugh. “No, but Dad used to ask me that too.”

“Oh. Well, yeah, of course I learned new things. That’s the whole point of going to school, isn’t it?” He rolls his eyes at me, clearly exasperated.

“Yeah, it is,” I say, a smile still on my face as I pull away from the school.

“How about you? Did you have a good day at school?” Max asks, turning his head to look at me.

“I did. The students in my class were great, and I met the art teacher who was teaching my classes for me.”

“Declan?” Max asks excitedly. “He’s awesome. He comes to all my soccer and baseball games.”

“That’s great.” I know there's a bit of mock enthusiasm in my tone, but hopefully Max doesn't pick up on it.

This is another thing for me to add to the list of reasons Declan is a good man. And another reason I need to remember that friends are all we can be. It doesn't make my life any easier, though, knowing I'll be seeing him both in my professional life and my personal one. I've never had to fight my feelings for someone. My brain and heart have always been on the same page. But somehow, even though I've only known Declan for a few hours, I can tell my brain and heart are at odds. My brain knows I am in no place to bring someone into my life, especially a man so close to my family. But my heart is telling me to forget all that and follow whatever path life takes us on.

No matter what my heart may be telling me, I have to listen to my brain. After everything I’ve been through and done, I could never deserve a man like that.

“Well, did you learn anything new?” Max asks when I don’t say anything else.

A laugh bursts out of me. I am so incredibly lucky Max is my little brother. I couldn’t imagine what my life would be like if he wasn’t in it. “You know what? I think I did.”

“Good.”

We’re quiet for the rest of the short drive home, and as I pull into the driveway, I glance over at Max, preparing to share the news about Dad’s accident.

I don’t know what the inside of the house will look like. I assume Lucy was here when it happened or is the one whofound him. Which means the chances any mess made was likely already cleaned up.

“Hey, I’ve got something to tell you before we go in,” I say, putting the car in park, unbuckling my seatbelt, and angling myself toward Max.

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