Page 27 of Shuttered Hearts

“That sounds about right,” I say as we approach the cottage door.

The cottage isn’t necessarily small, but it’s not large either. Just big enough for me. A small porch spans the front with the door in the middle. To one side are a couple of rocking chairs, and on the other is a porch swing big enough for two.

Just inside the door to the right is a small living room, and to the left is a small kitchen. Straight back from the door is a short hallway with three doors: one to the right leads to the bedroom, one straight ahead leads to the full bath, and one to the left leads to a small laundry room.

I’m quiet as I unlock the door, letting the two of us into the cottage. I haven’t added my personal touch to the space, but I know Emily was in charge of furnishing and decorating it, and she made it feel like coming home with all she did.

I take my shoes off and make my way to the small kitchen, getting two mugs from the cabinet. “I’m going to make the hot chocolate first.” I pause and look at Declan, standing just inside the door. “Unless you want something else?”

“It got a little cold out there tonight. Hot chocolate will be good to warm up with.” Declan comes over to the small island and takes a seat on one of the chairs there. I'm sure he watches me move around the kitchen, catching onto my nerves. “Quinn, you don’t have to talk about any of it. We don’t have to talk at all. We can just sit in each other’s company. There’s no pressure here.”

“I know.” I turn away from him and busy myself with making the hot chocolate. I decide to make it over the stove because I think it tastes better, and because it means I can delay looking at Declan a little bit longer.

True to his word, Declan doesn’t say anything. He sits at the counter quietly as I work in the kitchen. It should be awkward, him watching me, but it isn’t. There’s a strange comfort in knowing someone is there for me if I need them.

“I know you said Dad doesn’t talk about her much, but has Caleb told you anything about her?” I ask as I set the mug of hot chocolate in front of him, stepping back and leaning against the sink across from him, my mug in my hands.

“I know the basics. When Caleb was about thirteen, things shifted with her. She started hanging out with a different group of people than before—sketchy people. She got into drugs, drank too much. I know she left when Max was two and that none of you have heard from her since.”

“That’s a good summary.” I take a sip of hot chocolate and study my mug, struggling with how much I’m ready to share.

“Quinn.” Declan waits for me to look at him before he continues. “It’s whatever you want to tell me.”

“I know.” I swallow.

I’ve never told anyone about my mother before. It’s terrifying to think I’m like her, and even more terrifying someone else might agree. If I don’t talk about it, I don’t have to know what others think.

“She was a stay-at-home mom—a great one until I was nine. I mean, she would take Caleb and me to school. She’d pick us up. We’d come home and have a snack before she would help both of us with our homework. Afterward, we’d always do something fun, just the three of us. Play a game she made up, go to the park, anything you could think of, we did.” I smile, thinking of those good memories. “Then we’d have dinner, and on nights when Dad was home from the firehouse, we’d watch a movie before bed.”

“Sounds kind of perfect,” Declan says when I pause in my story, not showing any signs of continuing.

“It was, but something happened when I was nine, and everything changed. Like you said, she fell in with the wrong people. They introduced her to anything and everything.” I look back down at my mug, the smile disappearing. “I think back, and I don’t have a single memory of her talking about wanting to leave Ashford Falls. She always seemed so happy here.”

“Sometimes, the most unhappy people appear the happiest,” Declan says softly.

“Yeah.” I look at him, a little afraid of what I might see, but Declan is just waiting, letting me go at my own pace.

“She would disappear for little stretches here or there, but she always came back after a couple of days, and she would be totally normal like nothing happened. She was always so happy to see us and jumped right back into our daily routine,” I tell him.

“She always went MIA when Dad was home from the firehouse.” I close my eyes, picturing that time in my mind. “I remember Dad and her arguing about it. He couldn’t understand what had changed. They’d had a good marriage, a good life—or so Dad had thought.” I open my eyes but study my mug.

“They fought a lot back then, understandably so. Dad didn’t want to hold her back. He didn’t want her to resent him. Dadloved her so much.” I swallow the lump in my throat, working to keep my tears at bay.

Dad’s love for Mom, while an envious thing, also terrified me. Dad may not have wanted Mom to resent him, and he may have wanted her to live all her dreams, but Mom did not reciprocate those feelings in the slightest. Watching Dad fall apart because of how Mom treated him would always stick with me.

“Things slowly deteriorated. At first, when she started coming and going, she always came home sober. It was like it had been when Caleb and I were little. But then, as we got older, drinking didn’t seem to be enough. She started coming home high too.”

Dad would get so upset with her, but he tried his hardest to keep Caleb and me away from it. He would often send us to our rooms as soon as we got home from school or encourage us to go out with friends so we wouldn’t have to be home at all.

“Shortly after I turned fifteen, Dad hit his breaking point. He told her he couldn’t do it anymore and he wanted a divorce. That’s when she told him she was pregnant with Max. I don’t think it was a question of whether or not Max was Dad’s, but I also don’t think he thought Mom was actually cheating on him.”

“Whenever your dad talks about her, he always talks about the good times. Mostly about when they were younger and started dating,” Declan tells me.

“He doesn’t like to focus on the negative.”

“I’ve learned that about him.” Declan offers a small smile.

I take a minute to appreciate the break Declan gave me. I refocus, and continue the story. “Dad told her she still needed to go. He didn’t want her around Caleb and me anymore. He thought it was too dangerous.”

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