Page 28 of Shuttered Hearts

I remember that night like it was yesterday. Dad had asked Caleb and me to go out, but neither of us had wanted to, so he’d told us to stay upstairs and to keep each other company. We’dcamped out in Caleb’s room and tried to watch some movies to drown out the yelling and tears from Mom.

“I don’t know everything, but I know she told Dad she was afraid of what Max’s real father would do if he found out about the baby. She begged and pleaded with him to let her stay.” I take a deep breath and hold it for a second before blowing it out and continuing. “They came to some agreement. Mom would go to rehab for however long she needed, then when she came home she could stay in the cottage until Max was born.” I finally bring my eyes back to Declan, still seeing nothing but understanding on his face.

“Dad wasn’t lying earlier when he said he was there the day Max was born and every day since. Dad had Mom move back into the house after she gave birth to Max. He didn’t trust her to take care of him properly,” I say. “It wasn’t until Max was about six months old that Mom moved back to the cottage. She was supposed to take Max with her but thought it was better for him to be in the house with us, so that’s where he stayed.”

I feel the telltale stinging in my nose, but I push through to finish. “Things were pretty good there for a little while after that. I don’t know what happened, but one morning, I was in the cottage with her, talking about the art exhibit featuring one of my photos, and that evening, she was gone, along with all her stuff. She left a note, but all it said was ‘I can’t do it anymore.’”

“And you haven’t seen or talked to her again until today?”

“No.” I look at Declan for a moment before deciding to share something with him I’ve never told a soul, not even Caleb. “I tried looking for her a few years ago.”

“But you didn’t find her?”

“I did.” I release a breath I didn’t realize I was even holding. “I hired a PI to find her, and he did. He gave me an envelope with all the information on where she was and how I could contact her.”

“Did you use it?”

“No.”

We’re quiet for a few moments, neither of us saying anything. “I don’t know what you want me to do here,” Declan says softly. “I feel like there’s something else you want to say, and maybe you need me to ask you the right question to feel you can say it, but I don’t know what that question is.”

I look at him and realize he’s not wrong. There’s so much more to this story, and I do want to share it with someone, but I’m afraid of what it will mean if I say it out loud. This part of the story, the part I’ve never told anyone, is the biggest example of how similar my mother and I are.

Without saying anything, I turn to the sink behind me and start washing my mug. I hear Declan stand and walk up to my side, setting his mug in the sink. He doesn’t step back, though. He stays standing at my side, saying nothing, offering me the quiet comfort of having someone beside me.

“Do you remember when Emily and Caleb came and stayed with me in New York for a couple of weeks? About three years ago?” I don’t know that he would know about this, but since he’s been in Ashford Falls for five years now, there’s a good chance he knows about this trip.

“Yeah, they said you’d had an accident and needed some help while you got back on your feet.”

I nod my head. I’ve finished the dishes and am standing here, facing the sink, staring blankly at the emptiness of it.

“Quinn,” Declan whispers my name.

“It wasn’t an accident,” I whisper in return. I take a deep breath and turn to Declan. We’re close but not touching. I stare straight ahead at his Adam’s apple. “I was raped.”

fifteen

DECLAN

There’s a sharp inhale,and I realize it came from me. I knew from how she had been standing so incredibly still and the tone of her voice whatever she was going to say would be difficult to hear, but I hadn’t expected that.

I’ve never really thought about that trip Caleb and Emily took, but I remember when it happened.

Before I can say anything, Quinn starts speaking again. Her tone is flat, as if she’s telling me about the weather, not this horrible thing that happened.

“I avoided telling them. I avoided telling anyone.” She pauses for a moment, seeming to think about what she said. “I reported it. I don’t want you to think I didn’t.”

“Quinn.” My voice breaks, but when I push forward to reach for her, she shakes her head.

“I need to get this out.” She looks up at me finally, tears brimming her eyes.

I nod my head and steal myself for this. She deserves to have someone hear whatever she needs to say now, and I want to be that person for her.

“I was on my way home from the magazine after a meeting ran late—not all that uncommon. It happened all the time. I took the same route I’d taken so many times before …” She trails off and takes a deep breath, her eyes shifting back to my collarbone while my eyes stay glued to her face.

“I honestly don’t remember anything from that night. I know someone found me and called 9-1-1 because I woke up in the hospital. They’d wanted to call my family, but I wouldn’t let them.” She shakes her head slightly as if trying to clear her mind. “He’d broken my jaw during the attack. That’s honestly the only reason I told anyone about the accident. And that’s what I told them it was—an accident. With the broken jaw, I couldn’t talk, so I was going to miss my weekly call with everyone. I didn’t want everyone to worry. Dad was still sick, and I didn’t want to add more stress to anyone’s plate. Caleb wouldn’t hear it. The two of them were on the next flight out.”

Scott hadn’t gone into remission yet. He was still in the midst of treatments, and while I was helping out, Caleb and Emily had been a major factor in getting him to his appointments at the hospital. Then, suddenly, out of the blue, they’d packed up and rushed to New York.

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