Page 44 of Shuttered Hearts

I know I’m blushing. I can feel the heat on my cheeks, but I’m hoping the light from my nightstand isn’t bright enough for him to see it. “So, about that conversation,” I say, trying not to think about the fact I haven’t blushed because of a man in my entire life, and a simple comment from Declan has me acting like a shy teenager.

He doesn’t hesitate and jumps right in. “Okay, if we’re going to do this, the most important thing to me is that we’re honest with each other.” He shifts around on the screen, and I can see he’s sitting in his bed. “I need to know we are talking to each other. I need to trust we can be honest with what we’re thinkingand feeling, no matter what.” He studies me through the screen for a second before continuing. “That’s where I went wrong with Melissa, and I don’t want to go through that again. Nor do I want to put someone through it.”

“Okay. That’s fair.”

“What about you? What’s important to you?”

“I don’t want whatever this is to change anything for you and my family. You’re all too important to each other for this to come between that.” I worry my bottom lip.

“Okay.”

“And us. I don’t want to lose our friendship either. You’ve become really important to me too.”

He smiles slightly at me. “Your friendship is important to me.” He’s quiet, as if contemplating something before continuing, “I think anything else that might develop between us would only strengthen that friendship, though.”

“I think you’re right, but in the spirit of honesty …” I pause, preparing myself for what I’m going to say next. It could quickly derail this thing before it’s even started. “I don’t know if I’m staying in town. Not after Dad—” I cut myself off before finishing that thought. I’m still not ready to think about Dad not being here. Even more after the conversation with Ava this morning.

“Okay.” The smile slips from Declan’s face, and I hate it. I understand why, but if we’re being honest, he needs to know I’m undecided on where my future will take me.

“I know you want to stay here, but I don’t know if I can,” I tell him.

“I get that, and I appreciate you being honest about it.” He shifts again, looking away from the screen briefly before looking back. “I think, if we can promise to be honest with each other, then we should see where this goes.”

“Even knowing I might not be here in eight months?” I feel my nose burning.

I’ve never been this emotional before, at least not in the years since I left for college, especially not since my attack. I learned to lock my emotions down after Mom left. People often think I’m cold because of it, but I’ve learned not to care what other people think of me, at least people I don’t know. My family? What they think of me still matters.

That’s not to say I don’t feel my emotions … because I do, deeply. I don’t like letting people in to see all of it. It’s hard to trust people will stick around when you need them most if you show them the truth.

But with Declan? He makes me happy. He makes me feel safe. He makes me feel seen, and like I can be myself. I know he could break me if I gave him the chance. But I trust he won’t.

“Yeah. Even knowing you might not be staying, I want to see where this goes.” I offer him a slightly watery smile before biting my lip to stop the slight tremble I feel. “God, I wish I was there with you right now,” he says meaningfully.

“Yeah?” I ask.

“Yeah. I really didn’t want to have this conversation over the phone. I wanted to be able to hold you, to kiss you.” His voice goes deep. “But who knows when we’ll have time, just the two of us, and I don’t want you to go into any more tomorrows not knowing how much you mean to me. We aren’t guaranteed to wake up from this night, so let’s just go for what we want and worry about the rest later.”

“That’s kind of cheesy … and a little morbid.” I smile at him. “But also beautiful.”

“It’s the truth.”

“Thank you,” I say through a yawn.

“Go to sleep, Bug. I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Good night, Declan.”

“Good night, Quinn.”

We hang up, and when I roll over to fall asleep, I do so with a smile.

twenty-two

QUINN

“Hey, Bug,”Declan says from my classroom door the next morning, a smile on his face.

I can’t help but smile at him as I turn away from the whiteboard. “Okay, you’ve gotta find a new nickname for me. Bug is not cute.”

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