Page 67 of Shuttered Hearts

“Great! Nine o’clock at The Diner?” I nod, and Ava turns to Emily. “Can you do breakfast?”

“Unfortunately, I can’t. I’ve got a shift tomorrow. But both of you have fun. I’ll see you at Sunday breakfast before your flight home.”

“All right.” Dad steps forward. “Let’s get out of here. Who’s riding with who?”

“Did you drive?” I ask him.

“I did. Picked up Ava on my way here,” he confirms.

“Emily and I came together, but we can give anyone who needs one a ride,” Caleb offers.

“I’ll ride with you, Dad. I need to grab my stuff from Declan’s truck.”

“You sure? You and Dec don’t have plans?” Dad asks, a look of concern flashing over his face when he glances at Declan.

“Nope. I just want to go home, change into comfy clothes and loaf in front of the TV.” I don’t look at Declan when I speak. We haven’t talked about plans for this evening, but I need some time to myself. I know Declan will do anything I ask—even if that is to sit quietly all night long—but I don’t want him to hover over me, worrying. “Besides, as Ava mentioned, she’s going back to Boston. You should have some time together, just the two of you.” I briefly look at Declan before turning to Ava, a pleading look on my face.

“Yeah. She’s right,” Ava says after a moment of hesitation. “We haven’t had a night for just us since I got to town.”

“Of course.” Declan’s voice is a little strained when he responds. I glance at him and catch him looking down at me, concern clear on his face.

“Okay. Are we all parked in the lot at the side of the courthouse?” Dad asks.

“Yeah,” Declan confirms. As everyone walks toward the lot, I stay by Declan’s side, both of us walking a little slower. I know I’m not being fair to him right now. All he wants to do is support me, and I’m making that difficult for him. “Are you okay?” he asks quietly.

“Yeah. I need to be by myself for a little bit.” I take his hand in mine as we continue walking.

We’re almost to his truck when he speaks again. “Are we okay?” I hear the fear in his voice, and I feel like the worst person ever for putting it there.

“Yes.” I stop walking, forcing him to stop as well. I cup his cheek in my hand. “I promise this has nothing to do with you or us. This is all me. I just need a minute to be in my head about this.” I step into his space, pressing a kiss to his lips. “Just give me tonight. Tomorrow, I’ll be back to normal. I’ll call you when I get home from breakfast.”

“Okay.” He gives me another kiss before we turn to catch up with everyone else.

thirty-two

QUINN

I didn’t lieto Declan yesterday when I told him I needed time. I needed to figure my shit out. I couldn’t keep letting thoughts of my mother derail my entire life. I was giving her too much power, and that had to stop.

Declan is an amazing man. A man I am falling in love with. If I'm honest with myself, I'm probably already wholly and completely in love with him. But I let my worries about my mother pull me away from him. I hurt him yesterday when I asked for time to myself. And I was so angry with myself for letting my mother, and the simple fact she was here, dictate my actions toward Declan.

While I wanted the space when we were standing at the courthouse, I regretted asking for it as soon as I walked through the cottage door. I’d been so close to calling and telling him to forget everything I said, and please come over. But I held back. While I may have wanted him with me, I made the right call on being by myself. If Declan had been here, I wouldn’t have reflected on everything as I needed.

I don’t want to return to the life I was living before I came back to Ashford Falls. I want to stay here with my family and Declan.

Reflecting on my life in New York, I haven’t been happy for some time now. I haven’t been happy with my job and the work I was doing either. None of it brought me joy. I had been going through the motions, doing what I thought was expected of me. And avoiding what I thought I knew waited for me back home.

I couldn’t have been more wrong about what returning home looked like. It’s nothing like I had expected it to be.

Being home, surrounded by these people, has made me happier than I remember being in a really long time. I never thought about teaching as a career, but that too has brought me so much joy. I love working with my students and watching them learn new things. I love that while teaching, I rediscovered my love of photography, something I hadn’t even realized I stopped loving over the past few years.

I don’t want to give any of that up, most of all, what I have with Declan. He makes me feel so seen and heard—like I can do anything as long as he is there to support me and lift me up. And I want to do the same for him. I want to give him whatever he needs to be happy and live his dreams.

I know when I lose my dad, I will be devastated. My entire life will change. He’s been my biggest supporter and cheerleader in all of my endeavors, and I’m not sure how I’ll move on from that loss. But I know with Declan and my family by my side, I won’t have to tackle the grief on my own. Having them to lean on will help me tackle each day, and it will keep Dad’s memory alive.

I don’t have to do everything on my own. Leaning on people doesn’t make me weak—it makes me human. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

I recognize all of this, and yet I still fear I’m just like my mother. One day, some switch will flip, and I won’t be happy here in Ashford Falls, living the life I’ve built.

---