Page 121 of Lucky Night

The room goes dark.

Part Four

Joy’s Bonfire

Twenty

Hey, you’ve reached Tom. Sorry I missed your call. Leave a message and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can. Thanks!

At the tone, please record your message. When you are finished recording, hang up or press pound for more options.

Hi, she says. It’s me. I…

Sorry.

I’m…I should have planned what I was going to say.

Okay. I’m just, I’m just going to talk.

She takes a deep breath. She will not fall apart right now. Though hearing his voice, his chipper message, that was tough.

Doesn’t matter. She will not fall apart.

So, I’m not upstate, she says. I’m in the city. I came back a day early, because…

Don’t fall apart!

She’s sitting on the floor, her back against the tub. It’s almost completely dark in the bathroom.

When you wake up, she says, you’re going to see there’s been a big fire in Midtown. A new skyscraper that…maybe it won’t even be here by then, maybe it…

She presses her fingers into her eyes. How is she supposed to do this?

Think about him.

Think about him having to listen to this.

I love you, Tom. And I am so sorry. This is not how…it is stillso hardto believe this is happening! I never wanted to hurt you, but, boy, am I about to, and I am so, so sorry.

These words are useless. Useless!

But what’s the alternative?

I want you to know, what I’ve been doing? The fact that I’ve…the fact that I’ve been cheating on you, for a while, with, with the one person you specifically asked me not to…it never meant anything. It…

No. No more of that.

You know better now.

That’s not true, she says. It meant something. Means something. What I’m trying to say is it doesn’t mean I don’t love you. Because I do, Tommy! We…we had a sweet life, didn’t we? You made me happy, you really did. I love you. I said that already…I’m sorry, I’m trying to keep it together, but I…

Don’t let the boys listen to this, okay? I don’t want them to hear me scared. I’m not scared, I have been but right now I’m okay. I just…I mean, who has to do this, who has to leave a fricking voicemail before they…don’t let them hear it, okay? Ever? There’s the book, the audiobook part I recorded, they have that when they need to hear my voice.

Also, I wrote to my parents. An email. Dad doesn’t sleep so well anymore so I was afraid he might pick up if I called, and I couldn’t…take care of them too okay?

I’m sorry I’m crying, I can’t help it, but I’m okay. I reallyam.

I love you all so much. Tell my Ben and my Natey. My sweet boys.

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