Page 124 of Lucky Night

I ruined everything! I’ve wasted my life, wrecked yours, I’ve—

Nick, no. It’s okay. We need to get away from this broken glass.

What does that matter? Broken glass? What the fuck does that matter?

I know, but…let’s scooch back so we don’t stand in it. Here we go. Good. We’re at the bath mat. Let me feel around and make sure…okay, we’re good. Come withme.

She leads him out of the bathroom and tries to coax him onto the bed, but he cannot be still. He stalks the room, clawing his fingers through his hair. He is raging, raging.

Then he stops.

I need to call Jill, he says. I need to talk to her. Where’s the phone?

Jenny lunges at the bed, feeling around until she findsit.

Here. But be careful. Try to…try to keep it together. For her sake.

He nods, already dialing. She returns to the sofa. When she hears his voice, she presses her ears closed, to give him some privacy.

Eventually he stops talking. He drops the phone on the bed and sits besideit.

We don’t let her have her phone in her room at night, he says. So she’s not up all hours, texting. She’ll get it in the morning. My message.

He bends over suddenly. He covers his face with his hands.

I wasted it! he cries. My whole life.

Nick, no…

He jumps up, stands in front of her, shaking and wild.

Why didn’t you come back? he cries. You said wait, and you went back inside and I waited, twenty minutes, thirty, I was freezing my ass off on that fucking porch but you never came back! Why, Jenny? Why would you do that?

I don’t know. She’s standing now, too, holding his hands. She would do anything to calm him. I don’t remember, Nick. It’s justwhat happened. I mean, wouldn’t you say I didn’t have a choice, going out on the porch was the inevitable outcome of—

Don’t, he says. No no no. Stop that now. That’s not relevant, it’s not…I just think, if you had come back, maybe, maybe we would have…but it doesn’t matter! You didn’t, we didn’t. We…

He tears away from her, rampaging around the room. Reaching a wall, he pounds on it with his fist.

You cheated me! he cries. You used me, to, to write your books, and change your life. And when I wasn’t any use anymore you talked yourself out of it, and you never fucking toldme!

She knows he’s not trying to upset her this time. Even if he was, it wouldn’t work. She’s had the occasional wobble, like when she left the message for Tom, but she has been essentially calm since she told him the truth. Even when the building rocked and the lights went out, and she thought for a few seconds that this might really be it for them—even then, her heart didn’t kick up. Her fear didn’t rise to choke her. And it hasn’t been back since.

I wish I’d told you, she says. I should have always told the truth.

Does he even hear her? He’s off again, pacing to the window, pressing his forehead against it. Then banging his head on it, hard.

Nick! Stop!

She pulls him away and he sinks to the floor. Sobbing, shaking.

You got to love, he says. It was fantastic, you said, it changed your life. I didn’t get to feel that. Don’t you see how unfair that is, Jenny?

The poor man. The poor, poor man. She wraps her arms around him. Should she say it’s going to be okay, they could still get out of this, there are miraculous rescues all the time, those Thai kids, the Indian road workers trapped for weeks in a tunnel, remember them? They’re all fine! And we’ll be fine. The entire world is watching, everyone rooting for a happy ending. Even now, great minds, daring adventurers are hatching a plan. It’s crazy but it might just work! We’ll emerge to cheers, swelling music, Ron Howard will snap up the movie rights. We’ll live.

And Nick will have his chance to love. If he really wantsit.

But she won’t say any of that. She’ll just hold him. Hold him and make hushing noises.

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