Page 127 of Lucky Night

It’s only a word, Nick. Let’s just feel, okay? What we have right now has to be good enough, because it’s all we have. And it’s good, isn’t it? Whatever we call it? It’s been so good. And it can be good for a little while longer, if you—

I’m so sorry, he whispers. Jenny, I’m sorry. I should have seen it, I should have—

Never mind, she says. Be with me now. You be you, and I’ll be me, and we’ll both just…feel what we feel. Right here. Together. Okay?

Twenty Four

It’s time for them to get down on the floor.

The room is getting smokier. What was a light haze near the ceiling has grown thicker, visible in the light from the fire.

She takes off her robe. She reaches for the belt of his, unknots it, and slips the robe off his shoulders. The last time she’ll undress him.

They embrace. He inhales the scent of her hair.

She brings the bottle of whiskey. They lie down beside the bed, on the window side. She pulls the sheet down so they’re covered, like children in a blanket fort.

They lie face-to-face. She uncaps the bottle and takes a swig, dribbling some on the floor. She passes it to him.

I was looking forward to falling asleep with you, he says. We’ll never get to do that. We’ll never do a lot of…I’m sorry, I can’t…I don’t think I can…

He’s gripped by overwhelming fear. Shaking, almost shaking to pieces. She holds him.

I’ve been so small, he whispers. So small!

So have I, she says. So has everyone. Small is what we are.

Breathe, okay? Breathe. We’re still here.

Twenty Five

Later. Calm and quiet:

Jenny?

Yes, Nick?

I was loved?

Oh, yes. She kisses him. She holds his face and kisses his mouth, his forehead. His cheeks. His mouth again. Yes, Nick. You were loved.

Really loved? You lovedme?

I did. She kisses him again.

God, I loved you, she says. I loved you so much.

She laughs a little, remembering how it felt.

It was crazy, how much I loved you.

Twenty Six

They’re quiet for a while. Then it’s her turn to break down. He holds her as she shivers and sobs, thinking about her little boys.

I love them! And I’m ruining them!

You’re not, he says, hoping it’s true. He thinks about Jill, and how bad it’s going to be. But she’s older. And she has Caroline. She’ll get through it. Jenny’s boys are still chaotic little force fields. So much could go wrong.

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