Page 73 of Lucky Night

Unlike his marriage. Yes, he’s in for it. As he should be. He is the villain, after all. Though he did try to be discreet. He never wanted to humiliate her. Now it seems inevitable, and he’s sorry. Caroline will never show it, she’ll never crack—they’re alike in that way, too. But he has failed her. And behind the cold scorn and lashing indifference she will be hurt, terribly.

Especially by his choice of partner.

Did you know one of our neighbors published a book? she said one Saturday morning, two or three years ago.

He felt every muscle, every cell in his body, tense up. He took a long sip of coffee, playing for time.

You mean Roger’s tax manual? he said.

God no. A novel. Becca Dodge’s friend wrote it. Jenny something. The woman with the two demon children?

I have no idea who you’re talking about, he said, hating himself.

Caroline persisted. She was at the Keanes’ Labor Day thing. Dark hair, a laugh that’s a little too loud—

Not ringing a bell, he said. Do you want me to take Jill to tennis?

She’s already at tennis. I’m going to pick up a copy—Becca says it’s fabulous. Do you need anything from the bookstore?

She stood at the kitchen island, waiting for his answer, looking so innocent. Did she not remember berating him just a few months earlier for buying Jill the very book they were now discussing? Had she, instead, found his copy in the back of the filing cabinet in his office upstairs, done a little digging, made a few elementary deductions? Did she, in fact, know everything, but rather than confront him was engaging in some elaborate psyops for her own amusement, before very justifiably kicking his ass to the curb?

I’m good, he said. She nodded. The conversation movedon.

Until she came charging into his office the next weekend, startling the hell out of him as he stood at the window, lost in thought, looking down at the Parks’ back porch.

This is amazing! She was holding up Jenny’s book.

Oh, that book? he said. I bought it for Jill, remember? You said it was too mature, soI—

Well it is, for her. Maybe in a few years. She thrust it at him. Look at the photo—don’t you recognize her?

He flipped to the back, feeling his heart kick up. Though he was pretty sure he was in the clear. Caroline’s enthusiasm was too genuine for this to be some twisted game.

She does look familiar, he said, handing the book back.

She thumbed through it, stopping to read a paragraph, smiling. She’s so talented.

Good for her. Hey, did you pay the water bill?

We should have them over, Caroline said.

Jesus Christ!

Fortunately, that never came to pass. Jenny soon got busy with her massive success, becoming scarcer at social gatherings. When they did meet, Caroline was struck with uncharacteristic shyness, which manifested as hauteur. But she continued to think the world of Jenny.

It’s been translated into thirty languages, she said. She’s about to come out with a second one. She’s pretty, too. Don’t you think she’s pretty? Nick?

So yes, that disclosure is going to sting. And his marriage is going to end. He’ll have to start over. That sounds fun. Find someone new.Not me, obviously,Jenny just said. Thanks, he’s well aware. She made clear the limited boundaries of their arrangement long ago, the time he suggested they meet more often. The look on her face…he’d quickly backtracked. Which was fine. But the point is, no. Not her, obviously.

Plus, it would never work—the two of them, as a legitimate couple. Nobody trusts a relationship founded on cheating, especially the people in it. And they have nothing in common. Only the body thing. The sex. Which never lasts. He had it with Caroline, too, long ago. And not just the sex—she was everything. She made him believe for a while that he hadn’t screwed up his life, coming home from England. That he’d made the right decision, because he’d found her.

And now he’s going to lose her. He will be scourged, shunned by friends and family, a mongrel skulking away from the community of the righteous, the decent—aka the cowardly and the not-yet-caught. He’ll have to move back to the city, the suburbs being too depressing for a single man, a Sad Dad. Jill will hate him. Hate him, reject therapy, start vaping, acquire an eating disorder, begroomed by a youth sports coach and hop onto a carousel of addictions.

What? Calm down. Jill is great. She’s a good person. He’s not sure how that happened, but he’ll take it. And she loves her dad. She’ll despise him for a while, sure, but she’s a teenager. She despises him every other day as it is. He’ll win her back. Though some other man will be arriving promptly to help raise her, because Caroline will replace him right fucking quick.

He feels a pang, thinking of his girl. His Jilly. He only has three more years of her in his daily life, then she’s off to college. He can’t miss that time. Why is he assuming he will? Yes, Caroline might find out, but that doesn’t mean they’re through. People get over this sort of thing. He’ll repent, he’ll plead and persuade. He’s a persuasive bastard, it’s how he got her to go out with him in the first place. He will atone. Whatever it takes.

He’ll have to give up Jenny. But he’s given her up several times tonight already. He can do it for real. It’s fitting punishment.

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