Page 31 of Nash

Her brows pinch as she barely whispers, “But… wecan’t… What about Alena?”

Suddenly, reality comes crashing down.

We can’t. We shouldn’t. And we won’t.

But now, our sudden, forbidden exchange, her lonely secret, and my passionate promise make tears brim in her grey eyes before they spill down her ivory cheeks, and…

“Vale,” I rise to comfort her, but her palm flies up, stopping me.

“Don’t,” she says. “Please don’t hurt me with what I can’t have. I’m used to it. I’ll be fine.”

I sit back down, my arms aching to hold her. “Is it really true?” I still can’t believe it. “You’ve never had an orgasm?”

“Yeah,” another tear slides down her cheek, but she jokes, “I won a contest, and the prize was not to be able to come during sex. Any sex. Unless it’s with myself.”

I gesture to her library. “Have you figured out why?”

“Yes.” She gestures to her books, too. “They’re why. They’re in my head. I overthink when I’m with someone, and I can’t get into a flow state.”

“A flow state?”

“That’s what some psychologists call it. When you stop thinking and judging and worrying and … you just feel. You let your body take control.”

“But alone you can do it?”

“Yeah.” She shrugs. “I watch myself in that mirror.” She points to the one by her bed. “And I use a toy or my fingers, and I can come almost every time.”

“Why do you watch yourself?” It’s so erotic, I’m obsessed.

“It’s part of my therapy.” She lifts her chin. “Because my pussy is beautiful, and it’s mine, and at least I can give myself pleasure.”

I want to tell her I know more. I know why she went to therapy. I know why she’s safe now. Well, she was safe until I came back around.

“Why do you want to know so much?” she asks. “Why do you care about my sex life?”

I lean forward, resting my elbows on my knees. My dick deflated in the presence of her pain. I can’t watch her suffer. “Because I care about you, and I care about your life, and I always have.”

“Why?”

I shake my head.She has no idea…

“You saved Alena; you know that, right? Your friendship saved her life. I was so worried after her mother was killed. I took her to counselors and everything, but I always feared the worst until you came along. You were the first one to make her laugh after Lainey died.”

Vale swipes away a tear.

Goddamn, I hate it when she cries. Her eyes look like smoky glass when she does. It’s breathtaking, too.

“Do you ever miss her, too?” she asks.

“Yeah.” I nod. “We became good friends, and as my daughter’s mother, I loved Lainey. And it’s been tough watching Alena become a woman without her. That’s why you mean so much to her.” I swallow. “To me.”

“Alena saved me, too.” She tucks her sexy braid behind her ear. “You both did. Growing up, it was me and my twin and our mom, always working hard to provide for us. I loved them, but I ached inside, feeling like I was missing something, and when I’d hang out with Alena at your house, I found it.”

“Found what?”

Softly, she grins, not ashamed of her tears. “Home.”

I roll my lips, swallowing the lump in my throat, confessing, “I always felt like you belonged with us, too.”

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