Page 43 of Match Made in the Maldives

“He took the seaplane out this morning,” my mom explains, “and he’ll land back in O’Hare—what was it, in the middle of the night, our time?”

My heart pricks at the thought of Finn traveling for twenty-plus hours alone and worried about his mom. At least Aaron sucked down his pride to help Finn—that’s what friends do. That’s what our family does. But why didn’t Finn say something to me? Message me? Ask me to stay up all night helping him?

Because I would have. I would have set everything from yesterday aside and helped him because…

Well, because I love him.

He’s oceans away and won’t get my text until he lands, but I send one at the table anyway while everyone orders drinks.

My family just told me what happened. I’m so sorry. Here for you. Please let me know what I can do.I also type out the wordsI miss you, but delete them, thinking better of it.

Me missing Finn changes nothing. I can love him and miss him all I want, and that won’t change how he feels. Getting involved with me is messy, complicated—and that’s not what he wants.I’mnot what he wants. My past has repeated itself. When starting my relationship with Tanner, he told me loud and clear that he didn’t want to date. Finn did the same thing and I’m living a replay of my mistakes, except worse, because I’ll have to see my brother’s best friend at almost every family function until the day I die.

I wish he were here, though. The whole afternoon, I’d longed for him by my side. I wanted to laugh over lunch with him, wanted to walk by the field on the way to the library and watch his lithe body move as he played soccer, and wanted to just be around him. No talking necessary, if he didn’t want to. I could sit on the couch with him and it would be perfect.

After we order, my dad holds his glass up to the table. “Thank you for joining me out here. And for this meal. You’re all good kids. Your mom and I appreciated your support while I went through chemo.”

“Dad,” Cass says. “We were happy to.”

“I know, and that’s, well, that’s what made it important to me to celebrate in a big way. You all took care of things when your mother and I needed help most, even when I didn’t want you to see me like that. Weak and vulnerable. Part of me wanted to hide away, go handle everything on my own.”

I shrink in my seat because I’m familiar with that urge all too well. My stomach stirs with a wave of nausea knowing my dad struggles with those same kinds of feelings.

“But you kids, and Finn included, you fought for me. You didn’t make me do this thing alone, no matter how big a fuss Imade. And I…” He coughs down a sob. “I love you very much for that. Having a health scare, it really put things in perspective. It highlighted what’s important. And time with all of you, well, that’s what matters.”

We all tap glasses, and I muster putting a smile on my face. I need every ounce of energy to sit through the meal, taking part with polite nods and avoiding the empty chair at the end of the table. Aaron and Mel talk about a humanitarian group they’re considering working with, and Cass and Carmen discuss their parental leave plans and tell my parents about the doula they found.

“And what about our graphic designing businesswoman extraordinaire?” my mom asks.

I’m fine.That’s how I’d like to respond. My siblings have finished regaling the table about their amazing lives, and I’m happy for them. I am. This is our last dinner together in the Maldives, and I shouldn’t rock the boat or bring the mood down.

A sea turtle gliding overhead distracts me, pulling me back to my time snorkeling with Finn. How was that glorious, peaceful day only one week ago? If I close my eyes, I can feel Finn’s hand in mine and see that broad, lopsided smile of his.

“LouLou?” my mom asks again.

The thought of faking happiness, of trying to be flawless in every way right now and hiding what’s going on beneath the surface…I can’t do it.

“I’m in love with Finn,” I blurt out. My confession prompts a gasp from Mel, a cough from Aaron, who probably choked on his food, and an uncomfortable giggle from Carmen. Everyone else pauses—mid-bite, mid-sip, or mid-cutting-their-steak.

“I’m so confused,” Carmen says.

My brother takes a sip of water. “In love?”

“Oh, LouLou,” my mom says, her expression indecipherable.

“Back it up,” Cass says. “Will you tell us what happened with Tanner?”

“Right. So, um, Tanner and I—Well, I’m guessing someone told you about yesterday, based on how everyone’s been treating me.” I scan the rest of the table, and Mel blushes. She mouths aSorrybefore I go on. “He and I haven’t been together since January. I understand you all liked him, but—”

Mel snorts, which turns into her clearing her throat.

“You two are done?” Carmen asks.

“Yes.”

“Oh, thank the sweet baby Jesus,” Cass says, downing the rest of her wine.

“He wasn’t exactly the most faithful.”

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