Page 86 of She's a Big Deal

“I remember very well what you said.” Olivia leaned into her for a tantalizing brush of the lips. “But you are so incredibly sad that it makes me want to cry as well. So, please don’t make a decision right now, Grace. That’s all I’m asking. I can sense how hard this is for you… Probably has been since the beginning. So take your time. No rush. No pressure.”

No number of walls would keep these words from hitting home.I know this is hard for you.Olivia’s easy understanding and acceptance penetrated her armor like a hot knife slicing through butter.

“Right.” Grace swallowed around a ball of rising emotion, yet again, as hot tears burned the back of her throat. “I’ll take some time.”

“Alright. Great.” Olivia briefly laid the palm of her hand over her cheek before averting her gaze and turning away from her. Giving her time to regain her composure, Grace understood; which only made it harder to do. “I understand you must not be hungry at all right now, but pancakes are good for you in these circumstances.”

Under more normal ones, Grace might have inquired if this was another Buddha quote, but she was too busy holding herself together to even think about joking. She so wanted to stay here... To drink coffee, maybe. Eat if she had to. To bask in Olivia’s warmth and her gentle hugs, definitely. At the same time, she wanted out of there like her body required oxygen. By the time she headed off to the airport to catch her flight, and thank God she’d booked one on the same day, she was ready to explode. Just outside Red Falls, she had to pull over on the side of the road. Getting hard to breathe again, and her heart was pounding like after a half-mile sprint. She knew the signs of an impending loss of control. Understood the reasons for this struggle.

“Fuck!” All alone, she screamed at the snow-covered trees in frustration, anger, and plenty of sadness.

Olivia could read her like a book, apparently. Although her compassion made it very tempting to be with her, it also invited long-suppressed emotions that Grace feared more than anything.

“Get in the car and go,” she muttered, ordering herself.

Tears burned but she swallowed them back. And drove the rest of the way with the window open, welcoming the lashing of freezing cold air on her face. Boarding the plane with a splitting headache, she just gritted her teeth and opened her laptop. She had plenty to keep her busy. She would focus on work, her tried-and-tested way to deal with unwanted emotions. Let all settle. No problem.

???

Olivia sought refuge in her workshop. Over the following week, she delivered early on a project that she had initially promisedfor the new year, delighting her customer and earning herself a repeat order from the woman’s sister. She cleaned her house, top to bottom, and took Everett on lots of forest walks. At the gym, she lifted weights until her arms threatened to fall off. Declined the offer of the new personal trainer there to go out for a drink with her, though she was a friendly and attractive woman. But yeah; Olivia sure was not interested in flirting. No vegan events took place at this time of year, which was good since she was in no mood to go a round with someone intent on proving that cutting a carrot was the same, and just as cruel, as slicing the throat of a living chicken. Zero patience for this kind of bullshit at the moment. The hardest thing for Olivia was to grant her lover the solitary time she had advised her to take for herself. And try not to dwell on the idea that Grace may have shut down on her for good.

“Oh, now you want me to insist?” she snorted when Dana told her she should call.

They were on their way out of town in her friend’s truck after the vet's office received a call about an injured dog spotted in the area.

“Well. Have you spoken to her since she flew back?”

“We’ve messaged a couple of times. Grace is fine.”

“Uh-huh. How about you?”

“Me too. Don’t worry, okay? What road did that guy say to head out on?”

“Road 6 out of Red Falls. We’re looking for a black lab.”

Olivia kept her eyes peeled in the vanishing light. It was to be another cold night, and an injured pet would not stand much of a chance in this weather if they could not find him.

“I’ll park here and we’ll go on foot,” Dana announced. “You head south and I’ll take the other way. Got your radio?”

“Yeah.”

“Watch out for icy patches.”

“Yes, Mother.”

“Haha.”

Ten minutes later, as it began to snow again, Olivia spotted the animal and she radioed her search partner. “I’ve got him, D. Black lab, limping a bit. His right front leg is swollen around the middle.”

“Older dog,” Dana observed after catching up. “You can see he’s going a bit grey around the eyes. Dammit, Olivia!”

“What?” Olivia frowned at her angry tone.

“I’ll bet that’s another Christmas victim. People are tossing out their pets in favor of a new puppy. Look at him!” she added with feeling, as the wounded dog eyed them warily from the tree line. “Hurt, and freezing cold out there, but too frightened to come to us for safety.”

“How old do you think he is?”

“Seven or eight, I’d say.”

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