Page 107 of Nothing to Deny

“I went to… I was supposed to go for dinner. He wouldn’t even let me in. Just said we were through and slammed the door in my face.”

“I know it hurts, it’s horrible…” Roxie guided a drink into her hand. “I can’t believe he’s such an asshole. I’m beginning to think K2 was the only exception in your dating history—though, I don’t know him that well.” Roxie’s focus bounced to the side. “Is Kinloch Gramercy-Peake an asshole?”

“Sometimes.”

That wasn’t her voice. Zairn had joined them.

She turned to offer him a smile. “I’m sorry if I crashed a date night.”

“Every night is date night,” Roxie answered, urging the glass higher when she turned back. “Don’t worry about him, he has some meeting thing anyway. Is it with Kinloch Gramercy-Peake?”

“No,” Zairn said. “I can set something up if you want to hang out with him… Means no indoor plumb—”

Roxie’s klaxon sound effect cut him off. “And that’s why I don’t know him better.”

“I’ve spoiled you.”

“Hey, I peed in actual toilets long before I met you, Skippy. I’m a worldly woman. I’ve never seen the allure of showering in an ice-cold waterfall. Hypothermia is not sexy. And while we’re on the subject, why are men such assholes?”

“Were we on the subject?”

“We’re on it now.”

“You’ve asked me this before.”

“And you are yet to come up with a satisfactory answer,” Roxie declared and took her hand. “This Baer loser guy is threatened; he thinks your money, your independence, diminishes his manhood. You don’t want to be with a weak-egoed man. Didn’t Chapman teach you anything? You can do so much better. Here’s what we’re going to do, you’re going to finish that drink, then were going to the spa. No, we’ll bring it to us up here. We’ll drink and beautify ourselves. After that we’ll hit the Ruby Room to dance our troubles away. And don’t worry, if you want casual, meaningless sex, Tripp’s right downstairs. You know he’s good for it.”

Sex was the last thing on her mind. Baer… she’d never seen him like that. How could he think she wanted to control him? She wanted them to have a life together. No power struggle. Was that naïve?

“I don’t know if I’m in the best headspace to be much of a dance partner tonight.”

“What if you want casual, meaningless sex, Lola?”

“Aww, don’t you worry your pretty head, Casanova, it’s always meaningless with you. Meaningless but for the charge card.”

“What a romantic,” Zairn said, a smile in his voice. “I’m going downstairs, you two be good.”

“Unlikely. I love you!” Roxie called out to him as the elevator closed.

She finally sipped the drink and was pleased it went down well. Maybe her friend was right, the alcohol might help.

“Roxie… will it always be like this? Am I meant to be alone forever? Why is it I keep thinking I’ve found it, only to have it taken away? I really thought… I really thought Baer could… Why does he care so much that I have money?”

“He’s done you a favor, honey. Being with him would’ve been a nightmare, you shouldn’t apologize for who you are any more than he should. Though, no, he should apologize for being him. Now you know he’s small and threatened—”

“That’s just it, he’s not! Never was. I told him about Kinloch, about everything, he was never jealous, never threatened. The money shouldn’t matter so much.”

“They don’t know how they’ll feel about it until they live it. Trust that, it’s coming from someone who knows. I didn’t have any idea what this whole crazy existence would be until I was in it. I got through it because I loved Zairn, because he supported me, and always made sure my boundaries were respected… and that’s not a sex thing—not only a sex thing.”

“I was daydreaming about a future with Baer, and I liked what I saw. With Kinloch, it was mapped out, everything was anticipated for us.” Which is why it would never have worked between them. Neither of them would’ve been happy in thatexistence. “With Baer, I thought… I imagined us in control, living a life that we chose… It was all in my head.”

Roxie raised her glass. “You’re not the first woman to have done that, and the only thing wrong with that is not looping the guy in. You wanted different things from the relationship.”

She had no idea what he wanted from a relationship. “The way he made me feel, Rox…” She almost squirmed. “Was that all in my head too?”

With sympathy, Roxie’s sorrow matched her mood. “I don’t know, honey. I never saw you together.”

“Holly said we had chemistry.” She groaned and slugged another mouthful from the glass. “What is that? What’s chemistry? He’s a goddamn gigolo. It’s literally his job to make women feel the way he made me feel.”

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