Page 93 of Nothing to Deny

“Babe, I told you, the other women… You don’t have to worry about that. They’re not this. This is…” Stopping, he rounded to wrap his arms around her. “You talk about boxes? You’ve got one all of your own, Little Skit. Nothing gets in there. Nothing but us.”

Again, he was missing the point. This wasn’t jealousy, she had a box for that herself, though she wasn’t so good at keeping it closed all the time. Her heart didn’t break because he sharedhis body with other women, it broke that he could admit, know, that his job was uncomfortable and wrong, yet he did it anyway. And she couldn’t tell him not to do it. She wanted to, God knew she did, but she also didn’t want to be her grandfather. In this situation, Truman would storm in and take over, he’d take action, fix everything…

She couldn’t deny having a little of that quality herself. The foundation gave her excellent grounding, an outlet to help people all the time. But it couldn’t change this, him, them. She’d never been in this position before, never had the means to fix something for someone and withheld it from them. She could make it better. She could tell him to quit. She could take over the—and there it was again. She couldn’t be Truman.

“How would you feel if it was me?” she asked, squeezing herself closer. “If I shared my body with other men—”

“God, no. Don’t go there.” His scowl narrowed his eyes in disgust. “Fuck, I couldn’t handle that.”

Was that a double standard or him getting a whiff of things from her point of view?

“It’s no different than what you do.”

“It’s different,” he said. “A lot different.”

Well, she hadn’t expected this reaction. “How?”

“I can protect myself for one thing,” he said. “Women don’t usually get violent, unless it’s something they’ve paid for, but if they did get aggressive, I could handle myself. If you came back with a single bruise, I’d…” His lips thinned as he drew in a long nasal breath. “I’d end up in prison and that doesn’t help any of us.”

“You’d never hurt me.”

“No, I’d kill them, Lil’, there’s no other way to put it. I’d kill any man who laid his hands on you.”

And, whoa, suddenly her meagre point paled. “Hound, you wouldn’t really—”

“The way I feel about you, Frey. Baby, I’d have us live in the gutter before I’d ever allow that to happen. Why would you even say it?”

Disgust still contorted his face.

“I want you to see why it’s difficult for me. It’s not jealousy. Yes, okay, I hate thinking of you even looking at other women let alone touching them, but… my heart breaks for you. If I told you that my job, whatever it was, put me in awkward and uncomfortable positions, what would you do?”

“Tell you to quit,” he said, matter-of-fact. “I’d do whatever it took to keep you safe and happy.”

Her fingers curled into his jacket. “That’s why my heart breaks, because that’s what I want to do. I want to keep you safe and happy, and I know it’s not…”

That he would never quit. Never? So how would this go?

“I want to be with you for you, not for your financial stability.”

“I know,” she said. “I know that. But if we were together… What if we decide to live together? To have kids? Couples don’t keep their finances completely separate. You couldn’t still do it if you were a father.”

“Is that where we’re at?” His disgust ebbed to concern. “Are we making plans for the future?”

Yeah, ‘cause she was so desperate to scare him off. “No, I’m not saying—”

“Baby, just relax. This is getting to know you time, that’s what you said.” And now it seemed like she was jumping the gun. Okay, yes, maybe premature. “You knew what I did when we got together. You don’t want guys laying down ultimatums—”

“I’m not laying down an ultimatum. It’s just… If you won’t consider what our life might be, what we have the potential to be, what’s the point of getting to know each other?”

“I never planned to work at Squires my whole life. Though men have a longer shelf life than women.” True. Horrific, but true. “But I can’t say I’ll quit tomorrow when I know there’s bills due. You’ve got it all, babe, and that’s great, but we’re opposites on this. Debt collectors call me; getting caught up on one bill means falling behind on another. My mom needs a lot of care, and that’s okay, I’ve made peace with the purpose of my life. It’s to support my family and I won’t let anything get in the way of that.”

He’d sacrifice his own future to secure the lives of others. It was admirable, and also a little shortsighted. He said he was okay with the money, and that he didn’t feel threatened by it. Though if that were true, wouldn’t he at least consider their options for the future? It wasn’t an unreasonable request.

His mom could be in a better facility, somewhere with professionals who might be able to do more. She could employ specialists to assess his mom’s condition and—not only could she pay the bills, but she could improve the lives of the people he loved. The twins would go to college, of course, if they wanted to continue in education. She could get them out of that apartment, into somewhere bigger, somewhere with a staff who’d make sure Abel always had everything he needed. She could take care of their pain and their poverty, and it wouldn’t make a dent; some people in her life paid more for vacations and diamonds.

“You’re right,” she said because he was in one sense. “I did know what you did when we met. I’m not trying to change you, but this would be a whole different conversation if I was a man.”

“That’s what you think it is? Misogyny? Pride?”

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