Page 56 of Little Hidden Fears

“Who will understand?”

She sat beside me again, putting her hand over mine. “Thank you for being with him in those final hours of his life. And thank you for what you’re trying to do for me. I know how hard it must be for you to be here again. I feel it, the pain you carry, the guilt rushing through you.”

“What do you know my visit with your husband?”

“I know it’s not your fault. He would have killed himself whether you were here that day or not. He was determined, and he’d made his decision. There was no talking him out of it.”

“What about your daughter, left to live her life without a mother or a father now? How could he do that, knowing how she’d suffer?”

A breeze trickled by, blowing a mist of cool spring air.

Noelle breathed it in, smiling.

“I’ve seen what my husband would have become had he not chosen to take his own life,” Noelle said. “Think of it like a sliding door, a glimpse down two paths, and what happens on each.”

“What did you see?”

“Nothing good. Our daughter is receiving the best possible care now, and she is loved. She will suffer for a time, but she will go on to live a good life, a full life.”

“How do you know?”

“I just do. I see things in a different way now, in ways that weren’t possible when I was alive. It’s as if a veil has been lifted.”

I’d had many dreams I considered to be more than regular dreams in the past. None of them had been this clear, this easy to interpret and understand. There was something different happening now. I wondered why they’d changed.

“Why am I here, Noelle?” I asked.

“You chose to be here tonight, and I’m glad you are. Stay as long as you like. It’s lonely, the days and nights all blending together until I’m not even certain what day it is anymore.”

“Can’t you leave?”

“Not yet, but soon.” She paused, then added, “Tonight is different than the rest.”

“How so?”

“Days repeat. I try to leave, and when I do, I find myself right back here again.”

“Do you keep reliving what happened on the night you died?” I asked.

There was sorrow in her eyes as she said, “Death is a subject I don’t care to talk about. Why speak of things so grim in this moment when we can speak of better times instead?”

Better times.

She wouldn’t have more of those, not in this life.

Noelle grabbed her champagne glass, wiggling it at me. “Well, aren’t you going to open it? I see no point in letting it go to waste.”

I’d become so caught up in our conversation, I’d forgotten it was there.

I lifted the champagne out of the bucket, wiping the ice chips away as I glanced at the bottle. The label said Chateau Marmot, a champagne I had never heard of before. I wrapped a hand around the cork, twisting it until it came free, making a distinct popping sound as champagne fizzled out of the top.

“Looks like we lost a little bit,” I said.

“Don’t trouble yourself. There’s still plenty for each of us.”

I poured each of us a glass, and for a time we sat, sipping on champagne and enjoying echoes of sounds flowing through the coastal air. As much as I felt I could remain in this moment forever, I could not. I needed to make the most of it before I woke, as I doubted the opportunity would present itself again.

“I know you don’t want to talk about what happened to you, but we should,” I said.

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