Page 46 of Little Hidden Fears

I handed the letter back to Whitlock and turned toward Gabe. “You made no mention of this letter to me. Why not?”

“I wasn’t trying to keep it from you, or any of you. When you told me she was murdered, I thought it might be best if I kept it to myself.”

“Because if you told me, you figured it would make you look like a prime suspect in her murder.”

“It’s one of things that crossed my mind, yes. If I didn’t murder her, and I did not, I didn’t see any relevance in discussing the letter.”

“By not discussing it, you’ve made yourself look even guiltier,” Foley said. “Didn’t think of that—now, did you?”

“I understand how it looks, but I swear to you, whatever happened to Noelle had nothing to do with me.”

Foley and Whitlock exchanged glances, like they were questioning everything.

So was I.

“Let’s back up a minute,” I said. “In your letter you thanked Noelle for reaching out, and you mentioned a letter she wrote to you. Do you have it?”

“That was my next question,” Foley said.

Gabe nodded. “Of course I have it.”

He walked to a bedroom, and I heard him shuffling around. Then he returned, holding the letter out as he said, “Who should I give this to first?”

Foley held out a hand.

He opened the letter, looked it over, and then handed the letter and the envelope to Whitlock. Whitlock did the same and then handed it to me, making me wonder why they hadn’t just read it aloud instead of playing a game of “pass the letter.”

The letter said:

Gabe,

After all this time, I never thought I’d find myself sitting at my desk, writing you a letter. When you were first released from prison, I’ll admit I had a fair amount of trepidation, even though I didn’t believe any further harm would come to me. I can’t explain it, but it was there, a worrisome feeling that sent me back to the night you forced yourself upon me.

To get past my feelings, I decided to seek out a therapist, and it was in those sessions that I felt a greater sense of healing and a better understanding of the person you were back then. Even though you did what you did, there was another side of you, a side I saw that most didn’t ... a goodness if only you couldconquer the demons of your upbringing and seek after a better life.

Your father raped your mother, and you, in turn, raped me. As you sat in the car with me that night, sobbing and telling me the horrors you’d endured at the hand of your father, I felt for you, even though I thought I shouldn’t have.

I want to explain why I did what I did, confessing the rape to the police, which led to your arrest and incarceration. The one thing you needed more than anything was to get away from your father and putting you behind bars was a way to accomplish just that.

I hoped in the years you served that you could become your own man, a man who could step out of his father’s shadow and become the man you wanted to be.

I want you to know that I forgive you, and I hope you’ve forgiven yourself. And I hope you are seeking a better life than the one you lived before.

Noelle

I placed the letter back into the envelope, flipping it over to see the date it was postmarked.

“She sent you this letter a month before she was murdered,” I said.

“I know,” Gabe said, “which is why not telling you about it seemed like a good idea. Look, it’s easy to convict the felon, a lot easier than pinning her murder on someone else. I’m willing to do whatever it takes to convince you, be it a polygraph or whatever else.”

“Noelle lived a private life over the past several years,” I said. “So, what I’m wondering is, how did you find her address? It’s not listed on the outside of this letter.”

“You’re right. I tried everything I could think of to find an address for her once I’d written my response. I couldn’t findanything, and I didn’t know her surname. I assumed her parents still lived in the same house, but I didn’t dare send it there.”

“Why not?” Foley asked.

“I was sure they wouldn’t give it to her, and also, I thought they might read it. If they did, they would have known she’d sent a letter to me, and I thought that was information she might not want them to have.”

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