Page 48 of From Asher, With Love

“I know. It’s just… okay.” She sighs, preparing herself. “I ended it with Taron.”

I allow my eyes to close with relief. Now Julianna’s comment makes sense. I hold my excitement at bay, as well as holding my promise.

“What happened?”

She growls in frustration, but she doesn’t sound as upset or heartbroken as I thought she would be. “I showed up to the club he works at and found him in the VIP section with a waitress’s mouth around his dick. You should have seen the look on his face when he saw me, Charleigh. The fucker’s jaw was practically on the floor, even though he was the one who asked me to come. I thought the asshole was going to rip his dick off with how fast he pulled himself out of the skanky waitress’s mouth.”

“Wait…” I gape. “He asked you to meet him at the club but then proceeded to get a blow job from a waitress? While on the clock?”

“Yep.”

“Wow.” I blow out a heavy breath. “You deserve better, Jules.”

Sadness fills me knowing my best friend deserves a man who worships her. Or at least one who isn’t a complete fucking prick like Taron.

“I know, and you do, too,” she adds. “Do you feel like you made the right decision with Asher?”

My eyes find the framed flower sitting on top ofmy mantle. I was stupid for finding another one like it and framing it, as if it could somehow give me back a piece of my life that was ripped away. Emotion grows thick in my throat. We were almost there, with his mouth close to mine, his hands on me. But then I think about our conversation the other day, and the look in his eyes when he asked about my dad. “Yes.”

I take a deep breath and look over at the counter. Anywhere else but at that flower.

“Good, because in that case, I have some news,” Julianna squeaks out, soundly oddly perky. A stark shift in tone from the conversation we’ve been having.

“What do you mean?”

“Well… With my birthday next month, I’ve been planning a massive party.”

“Oh, yeah?” I smile a little. Julianna goes all out for her birthday every year. Caterers, DJs, a ridiculous amount of alcohol and decorations, even a full wait staff. If anyone knows how to do an adult birthday party well, it’s Julianna Capuleti, so I’m not entirely surprised when she brings it up.

“I told Holt already, but I’m going even bigger this year,” she explains excitedly. “I’m inviting everyone we know.”

I cock my head to the side. “Don’t you always?”

“Yes. But I’m telling you, Charleigh. I’m going all out for this one and inviting more than usual. My apartment is going to be decked out. I can’t wait for you to see what I have planned.”

“I can’t wait, either.” I mean it, too.

“Maybe we can find us some hot billionaires to keep us distracted.”

I roll my eyes, not knowing if Julianna realizes Asherisa hot billionaire. “I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”

“Look, I may have ended things with Taron, but that doesn’t mean I’ve given up altogether. And neither should you.” Itseems my best friend still hasn’t let up on the idea of setting me up with someone.

“Okay,” I whisper, the corners of my mouth finally lifting.

Julianna squeals into the phone, and I smile. It feels good to hear both of us finding a bit of happiness. But I know it’ll disappear as soon as I hang up. And it does.

After ending my call with Julianna, I open the silverware drawer and pick up the old, folded letter slipped underneath the stack of teaspoons. I haven’t always kept it in this drawer, but the day I ran into Asher at Cyrus’s office, I came home and fished through my closet to find it. It was buried in the back, pressed between the pages of an old book. I carried it out to the kitchen while reheating some leftover Chinese takeout from the night before, but I couldn’t bring myself to open it. I held the crinkled paper in my shaking hands, remembering the words scribbled inside by a man who claimed to never have the right words. I held the paper between my fingers as if opening and seeing the words would hurt me all over again.

I breathe in, wishing the night that broke Asher and me had never happened. Wishing the fire never happened. Wishing my father was a different person and wishing Asher’s mother could have stopped herself from becoming the person she turned into.

What would our lives have been like if Asher had gone to NYU? Would we still be together?

I look down at my hands, the letter still held between them. This note never would have existed, and I wouldn’t be standing here wondering about all the what ifs. I slip the letter back under the stack of spoons and slam the drawer shut.

Frustrated with myself, I flick the switch on my kettle and drop a tea bag into my favorite mug. While I wait for the water to heat, my stomach grumbles, and I search through my pantry but find nothing. It’s filled with all types of foodand snacks, but it’s as if my brain can’t keep my thoughts straight long enough to decide what to eat.

I walk over to my couch, hoping to at least find something on the TV to calm my mind. I lay my head down on a pillow and immediately, my eyes grow heavier. I settle on a movie I’ve already seen, and by the time the opening credits start, I let my exhaustion take over and drag me into darkness.

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