Page 88 of Grumpy Boss of the Year

“No, please continue. What were you going to say?”

“I don’t want to sound like I’m a jealous bitch.”

“I wouldn’t think that.”

“Well, now she’s got him, and what do I have?”

“You’ve got a secret fiancé you’re about to meet?”

“Very funny.”

“Sorry, I shouldn’t joke about that.”

“No, you shouldn’t.”

“Especially as I’m about to deflower you.”

She burst out laughing then. “Honey, I hate to inform you, but you’re not about to deflower me. I have had sex before, many times, trust me.”

“I know.”

“How do you know?” she asks.

“Well, I mean, I don’tknow know, obviously, but I feel like a virgin wouldn’t have been quite so open about, you know, masturbating on my bed.”

She giggles. “You would think that. However…”

“However, what? Don’t tell me you did that when you were a virgin?”

“Oh, hell no,” she says. “I was barely able to do that for you. Even though I have definitely had sex before.”

“Okay, then.” I stare at her. “You know something?”

“What?” she says.

“I’ve never masturbated in front of a woman before.”

“You what? You’re joking! I don’t believe that.”

“God’s honest truth,” I say, holding my fingers up in the air. “Scout’s honor.”

“Were you a Scout?”

“I was for two years, and then I got chucked out, and you don’t want to know why.”

“I do,” she says laughingly.

“Trust me, you don’t. That is something that will die with me.”

“Oooo, now I really want to know.”

“Maybe one day, I’ll tell you. But, yeah, I’ve never committed the act in front of someone.”

“Why do I not believe that?”

“I don’t know. Why do you not believe that?”

“I mean, you just seem like you’re so sexual and…”

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