Page 43 of A Bright Winter Season

Alexis looked out the window, watching the sunlight sparkle on the snow that was dusting the branches of the crabapple tree that grew in her and Grayson’s yard. She was seated at her desk at home, slowly nursing her morning cup of coffee and trying to concentrate on finalizing her designs for the pub. Before they hung up all of the pictures and articles that they’d framed, she wanted to make sure she’d planned the layout just right.

She sighed, feeling a current of emotions rushing through her stomach. She rubbed her temples, thinking to herself that she needed to just seize the moment and tell Grayson about their baby. She shook her head, taking another sip of coffee.

I should stop drinking this and drink water instead,she thought.It’s making me jittery.

She’d switched to decaf coffee when she’d learned about her pregnancy, but it was still making her feel jittery, intensifying her already high-strung emotions.

She didn’t have any excuses anymore. She needed to tell Grayson. But the truth was that she was afraid to, because once she did it meant that their lives were officially changed forever.

She closed her eyes, reminding herself that their lives were already changed forever, and in a good way. But somehow, thefact that Grayson didn’t know yet made a difference. After all, the dynamic between the two of them hadn’t changed at all, because he didn’t know. What if he felt it was all too much when he learned the news, and he started to act distant again?

She clicked open a pen and turned to a blank page in her notebook. At the top, she wrote the words, “I am going to tell him today” and then next to them she wrote, “I am going to tell him tomorrow.”

She paused, trying to come up with a reason for why she should wait until the next day to tell him. She couldn’t come up with a single one besides, “I’m scared” and she knew that wasn’t any kind of a good reason.

“Hey, sweetheart.”

She turned and saw Grayson standing in the doorway of her office. He was smiling at her, but she could tell by the look in his eyes that there was something on his mind.

“I found something in the couch,” he said, winking at her as he crossed the room. “Would you know anything about it?”

“Something in the couch? You mean like a hairband or something like that?” She checked to make sure that there was still a hairband around the end of her braid.

He shook his head. “No, not a hairband. I found a strange abundance of crumbs on the living room couch when I sat down to read the newspaper.”

She blinked, remembering all of a sudden that she’d stayed up the night before, stress-eating peanut butter cookies on the couch long after Grayson had gone to sleep. It wasn’t like her to leave a mess behind like that, but clearly she’d been too tired to clean up after herself when she’d finally dragged herself off to bed.

“Oh,” she said. “Those were mine. I was eating peanut butter cookies.”

“Really?” Grayson asked, surprised. “That’s not like you.”

Her emotions already brittle, Alexis began to tear up. “I’m sorry,” she said, her bottom lip starting to quiver. “I didn’t mean to leave crumbs all over the couch. I know I don’t usually do things like that.”

“Honey!” He wrapped her in his arms, pulling her out of her chair into a bear hug. “What are you saying? I don’t care if you left crumbs on the couch. I meant that it isn’t like you to eat peanut butter cookies. I thought you hated peanut butter. And I have to admit, I was coming to ask you about the crumbs because I wondered if you’ve been extra stressed lately. You don’t usually leave a stress-eating trail behind you.”

She hiccupped, still crying. “I haven’t been honest with you, Grayson.”

“What?” He looked worried. “About what?”

“About peanut butter,” she sobbed into his shoulder.

“I—what? It’s okay, Alexis.” He rubbed her back, sounding confused. “You lied about not liking peanut butter?”

She shook her head. “I like it now.”

“Sweetheart.” He wiped a tear off her cheek, looking as though he was trying not to laugh. “What on earth are you talking about?”

“I—I’ve been keeping something from you. Not really on purpose. I just haven’t told you because—well, it’s really big news. I feel overwhelmed, and I’ve been worried you’re going to be overwhelmed too.”

A look passed over Grayson’s eyes, as if he suddenly knew what she was about to tell him. Alexis felt a surge of relief, because the look was decidedly an excited one.

“Come and cuddle on the couch with me,” he said, taking her hand. “Our crumbly couch. And maybe we’ll eat some more peanut butter cookies. And you can tell me all about it.”

Snuffling, she followed him downstairs to the couch. He left to go get a box of peanut butter cookies from the kitchen and returned with a sweet smile on his face.

“Here,” he said, handing her a cookie. “You eat this, and then tell me.”

She ate the cookie, squeezing his hand gratefully. She knew it must be her hormones making her emotions unusually intense, but she felt as though her insides were sloshing with an ocean of feelings.

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