Page 46 of A Bright Winter Season

As she was walking across the dining room with a picture frame in her hands, she turned and saw him. She froze for a second, and he waved, smiling at her.

She smiled back awkwardly and crossed the room. She unlocked the front door for him, clearing her throat gently.

“Hey,” she said. “We’re closed for the day. Unusual, I know, but we’re trying to finish all the redecorating in time for the community event. We can’t really decorate properly if the pub is filled with people.”

Jacob looked around, noticing that there was no one there except Hazel.

“Where’s Alexis? I thought she was the mastermind behind the decorating.”

Hazel laughed. “She is the mastermind. And she was planning on coming in today, but unfortunately, she can’t. She isn’t feeling great.”

“I’m sorry to hear that. I hope she’s okay.”

“She will be. She’s not sick—well, not contagious sick—well, never mind.” Hazel was a bright shade of pink, and Jacob noticed that she wasn’t looking directly at him. It made his heart sink, and he wished that he knew what to say to her. Clearly, he’d messed up their friendship with his confession of how much he admired her, but he wanted to get that back, even if she didn’t want to date him.

“She’ll be okay, don’t worry.” Hazel smiled, but it was a bit of a forced smile. “I’m here by myself because we need to keep working if we’re going to get everything done by the day of our Christmas event.”

“Makes sense.” He smiled at her. “I’m sorry you have so much work to do, but I have to admit, I’m glad I caught you alone for a moment. There’s something I want to talk with you about.” His voice sounded a little husky, but he was determined to put a brave face on it, despite the way his heart was thumping in his chest.

“Oh?” Hazel’s voice was small, and she looked at his shoes. She cleared her throat, and then looked up at his face for a second before rapidly looking away. “What did you want to talk with me about?”

He swallowed, feeling intensely jittery. He took a deep breath, wishing that he was more suave, and not the kind of person who seemed to be all thumbs in this kind of situation. “I’ve done quite a bit of thinking since our last conversation, the one we had here in the pub.”

“Oh?” She was staring at his shoes again.

“Yeah. There’s something I need to get off my chest.” He paused for a moment, and there was something about her expression that gave him the courage to keep talking. She looked nervous and a little uncomfortable, but her eyes were as kind as ever, and that made him feel determined to tell her everything that was on his mind. “I still feel as though I’m not quite good enough for you, but I can’t stop thinking about you. I—I wondered if we could talk about that, Hazel. About the possibility of us… well, going on a date sometime.”

Hazel was an even brighter shade of pink, and she stared intensely at his shoes as if they were speaking to her now that Jacob had stopped talking. She cleared her throat, looked at him for less than a second, and then looked down again.

“I—I don’t know what to say,” she said finally. “Besides the obvious, which is that you’re definitely more than good enough for me. But I’ve been doing a lot of self-development lately, working hard on becoming a more self-assured person, and I feel like I’m in a really good place right now. I… I’m not sure I want to risk upsetting that. I mean, I don’t know that starting a—I mean, I think going on dates isn’t the best thing for me right now. I want to feel like I’ve had a chance to solidify all the progress I’ve made. I’m sorry,” she stammered. “I just feel like I can’t—well, does that make sense?”

Jacob felt disappointment slosh in his stomach, but he smiled kindly at her. The last thing he wanted to do was make her feel pressured or guilty. He also felt warmed by the way she’d been so quick to assure him that he was more than good enough for her.

“It’s okay. It makes sense.”

For a moment he stood there, not quite knowing what to say. He could tell that she felt bad about her answer, but he didn’t want her to feel that way.

“Don’t worry about it, Hazel.” He smiled at her. “We’ll still be friends, right?”

She looked up and smiled warmly at him. “Yes, absolutely. Still friends.”

“Well, friend, could I help you with some of your work here?”

She cleared her throat. “Thanks, Jacob, but I think I need to just do it by myself. I’m trying to decide where exactly each picture should go, and I don’t want to waste your time while I’m thinking. Alexis gave me a very detailed chart for how to hang the frames, but she didn’t specify what picture should go in each spot.”

“Okay.” He forced a smile, wanting to tell her that he didn’t mind waiting around while she thought but guessing that shewas politely hinting that she wanted him to leave. “No worries. I hope you have fun.”

“I’ll try.” She laughed breathlessly. “I—let me walk you to the door.”

They walked back to the door together, and he hesitated before leaving. He would normally hug one of his friends goodbye, but under the circumstances he decided it was best if he didn’t. He considered offering her a handshake for a split second, and then concluded that would be weird.

“See you around, Hazel.”

“Yes. For sure. Bye, Jacob.”

He smiled at her again and stepped back out into the cold. He started walking down the sidewalk amidst the flurrying snowflakes, feeling sadly disappointed but glad that they could still be friends.

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

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