Page 13 of Redemption

We had a great afternoon. Getting caught in the rainstorm was a balm to my heart I didn't know I needed. This is the elephant in the room that's been hanging between us for so long. I've been waiting for him to ask. Waiting for him to be ready to tell me it's okay. I never wanted to watch it before he told me it was needed.

Swallowing roughly, I shake my head. "No, I haven't been able to make myself. There's always a piece of me that wants to watch it, but then I realize I've wanted your permission. So many people have seen it. I've gone to the YouTube page, and looked at the numbers. They creep up every day."

"Yeah. Last time I looked it was at fifteen million. Every time I go there, I try to figure out why people want to look at my body cam footage of the incident. I was cleared by everyone." He stops, running a hand through his hair. "If it were up to me, it wouldn't be up there. It was one of the scariest moments of my life. I listened to it, you can hear the fear in my voice."

And that's one of the main reasons I haven't watched it. Caleb is one of the bravest men I know. I'm not sure I canhandle him being scared. There's only been a few time where I've seen him scared. One of them was when I told him that I had a mammogram come back with possible cancer. Another was when Levi broke his arm and had to have surgery. When he's had fear, it's always been for others, not for him. "I don't know that I'll like seeing you worried," I admit, reaching over to wrap my arms around his waist.

"It wasn't my finest hour," he whispers.

I wish I knew what was happening without him having to tell me, without having to watch it play out in real time. "I'm sure you made the best of it you could, Caleb. I've never known you to do anything you didn't feel as if needed to be done."

"Yeah." He tucks me into his chest. "There were a million different ways I could've played this. Especially looking back at it. There are so many things I would've done differently."

For so long I've been an understanding wife, but I haven't had to be the strong one. He's been the one to keep that strength for the both of us. No matter what he's been through during a shift, he comes home and acts like it wasn't that big of a deal. Until this. Until he could no longer do it. "Do you not want me to watch it? If you don't, I won't."

He's quiet for a few minutes, longer than I like. Finally, he answers. "I don't think you're going to understand what I went through unless you see it. Honestly, I'm sick of hiding behind it too. What I've let it to do me mentally and physically has almost torn us apart. I've allowed it to let us live separate lives, and I can't give it this much power over me. Not anymore. I'm hurting you, our kids, myself."

The hurt he's had has been something like a badge for him, or maybe a shield. It's been a barrier between us, one I haven't been able to scale, and one I've been asking about being privy to since the incident happened. "Well, I want to watch it. So if that's whatwe're going to do, let's do it. The only way we're going to move past this, is if we get it out in the open."

"Okay." He nods. "I'm ready if you are."

I'm unsure how to handle this. Do we set up a space to watch it together? Does he want to see it again? Will this set us back? Instead of trying to read his mind, I decide to ask him. "Do you want me to watch this without you?"

The tension between us is thick. I can almost feel the indecision flowing through his body. As if he doesn't want to put himself in a situation that's bound to bring forth some bad feelings. At the end of the day, I don't want him to have a panic attack on me. Not right here, not right now. If it's going to affect him like this, it isn't as worth it for me as it appears to be for him. I'm just about to tell him to forget it, I'll watch it on my own, when his quiet voice breaks the silence. "We'll watch it together. Mind if we go lay on the bed?"

"Not at all. If that's what you want to do, that's what we'll do."

My heart pounds as I reach out my hand to him. Will he hook his fingers with mine, or will he leave me hanging? This means more than I ever imagined it would. My eyes lift up to his face, and when his warm palm slides into mine, I know that everything will be okay.

CHAPTER TWELVE

CALEB

The room is dimly lit,the soft glow from the lamp casting shadows that dance on the walls. Ruby sits beside me; her presence is a comfort, a reminder of the life we’ve built together. But tonight, the divide between us feels as big as the ocean at the Gulf. The laptop in front of us shows the paused screen of my body cam footage, uploaded now for the world, and most especially, for Ruby, to see.

I try to calm the hurricane swirling inside me, but the anticipation of her reaction makes me nervous. My hands tremble slightly as I press play, and the familiar sounds of the patrol car fill the room. That day I'd been listening to what my kids calldivorced dad rock.

“Thanks for doing this with me,” I murmur, risking a glance at her face. Her eyes are on the screen, her expression unreadable. She nods, a small, tight-lipped smile that doesn't quite reach her eyes.

The footage begins with the usual patrol routine. The radio crackles, the sound of Becca's voice calling codes that only I understand. Ruby doesn't flinch as I narrate some of what's happening, filling in the gaps that the camera doesn't capture.But we both know the moment is coming, the moment she’ll see me at my most vulnerable.

When the car pulls over and the man steps out, I tense. The air in the room feels heavier, thicker. Ruby reaches for my hand, squeezing it lightly, and my heart takes a small, uneven leap.

What plays out on screen is something I’ve lived through once already, and that's something I never wanted to relive. The man, strung out on who-knows-what, sways slightly as I approach him. The conversation is calm, measured at first, but then it turns. I see it happen again; the flash in his eyes, the split second where everything changes and goes to complete shit.

He lunges, and the screen becomes a blur of motion. I hear myself shout, the sound of my own voice strained and almost foreign.

“Caleb...” Ruby murmurs, her grip on my hand tightening. In that single word I can hear the fear, depth, and love.

I remember the chaos, the pure adrenaline that surged through me as we grappled for control of my gun. The world around had faded, and all that remained was the desperate need to protect my life, the life I'd built with Ruby, the future we're trying to secure for our kids. My thoughts bounced frantically between survival and the fear of leaving them behind.

The next part of the footage shows Nick arriving, his presence a lifeline. Together, we subdue the man, the danger slowly ebbing away. The relief is palpable in that moment, both then and now. Watching it feels like stepping into someone else's nightmare.

Ruby’s breath hitches when Nick's face appears on screen, and I realize I've been holding mine too. The scene ends, and silence descends like a heavy fog.

I run a hand through my hair, the tension in my shoulders refusing to ease. “I know it looks bad, Red,” I start, my voice barely more than a whisper. “I just...”

“Caleb,” she interrupts gently, turning to face me. Her eyes search mine, and what I see there isn’t judgment. It's something far more profound and unexpected—understanding.

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