Page 66 of Come Back to Me

“It’s Dom’s thirty-fifth birthday, so we shut down our residential construction company in Pittsburgh for the week and decided to celebrate on a cruise,” Tony explains.

We have an amazing dinner and I laugh for the first time since… well, since Teddy died. It turns out Dominic is quite the comedian, so he keeps us all entertained with his colorful stories. After dinner, I call it an early night, head back to my room to read and get to sleep early. Okay, if I’m being honest with myself, maybe there’s likely to be a little crying as well.

Twirlingthe swizzle stick in my martini, I smile as Dominic animatedly tells our group about how he and Tony almost got on the wrong ship today after an off-ship excursion.

“That is totally not how it happened,” Tony protests. He chuckles. “Dom here got distracted by a pretty woman and followed her onto the wrong boat. I just was dumb enough to blindly trail after him.”

“Speaking of beautiful women, I see that one of myfriendsI made yesterday just walked in. I’m going to go say hello. Enjoy your night, ladies and gentlemen.” Dominic winks at all of us before rising from the high-top bar table we’re seated at and heading toward the woman at the bar.

“Your brother is quite the Casanova, isn’t he, Tony?” Millie asks, beaming.

“That’s putting it lightly,” Tony answers, then laughs.

I was hesitant to come to one of the ship’s bars after dinner, but I’m glad now that our dinner group gently pressured me into joining them. I’m having a great time, and thedistraction is good. I catch myself watching Tony and comparing him to his brother.

Both are ridiculously handsome, and Dominic is a “life of the party” type of fun. Tony is a super nice guy, funny in his own right and seems very kind. So far, but people aren’t always what they seem. Still, he at least doesn’t seem to be into the same type of “entertainment” as his brother.

A familiar tune fills the air and Millie pops up from her chair. “C’mon, we need to dance to this! It’s my favorite line dance!”

Her excitement is contagious, and I look at Tony and shrug. “What the heck, let’s do it.”

Tony and I join Millie and Larry on the dance floor for a few line dances and they outshine us both, despite being more than twice our age.

When the music changes to a slow song, I start back toward our table until Tony gently places his hand on my shoulder, halting me as I’m making my retreat.

“Will you dance with me, Annie?” he asks with a beautiful smile. I’m sure most women can’t resist it. Hell, I’m in love with another man and even I’m affected.

I hesitate for a second, and he seems to sense it when he says, “It’s just a dance, not a marriage proposal… yet.” He laughs and winks at me.

I chuckle. What the hell, I have no reason not to dance with him, I guess. I let him draw me closer and we begin to move to the music, him leading. He’s actually an excellent dancer, and I’m pleasantly surprised.

I have to admit, once we’re about halfway through the first slow song and I’m a bit more relaxed, it feels good to be held in his arms. Especially after the distance I felt from Jack, a man who was supposed to love me, over the last few weeks.

Tony’s a perfect gentleman. As he twirls me around the dance floor, I close my eyes while we sway to the music.Maybe I’m getting too relaxed, or maybe it’s the wine I’ve had, because I get lost in a daydream and it’s Jack’s face I’m seeing and Jack’s arms cradling me.

My eyes fly open, and I pull back a bit from Tony, realizing I’ve leaned into him more than I’m comfortable with. Fortunately, the song ends soon after that and I’m able to head back to the table. Once there, I take a big drink of my martini and get my bearings.

Later, when I finally go to my room, I try not to think about Jack but I struggle… A lot. After seeing him with Chelsea, I want to hate him, but I can’t, because if I’m being honest with myself, I miss him. I miss him so damn much that I dreamt about him again last night and it felt so real. In my dream, his heart had never gotten broken, and so, neither had mine.

Rolling over in the bed,I throw my arm out, reaching for Jack. When I don’t feel him, I pat the bed, looking for him. That’s the moment when it all comes back to me. I resist opening my eyes because I know it will confirm to my wakening brain what my sleeping brain has consistently refused to acknowledge—Jack isn’t here, and we aren’t together any longer.

Squeezing my eyes shut even tighter, I try to fight the tears that are building. When I can’t hold them off any longer, I open my eyes and let them fall onto the crisp white sheets. I’m full-on ugly crying now, my brain fully remembering my reality. I can’t believe how much more this hurts than what had happened with Jason.

Setting my alarm for thirty minutes, I tell myself that is how long I’m allowed to fall apart. I use up every one of thirty of those minutes, too, before I force myself to jump inthe shower. Last night, I agreed to meet Millie this morning for a yoga and meditation class followed by shuffleboard with her, Larry, and Tony. Yep, I play doubles shuffleboard now.

“You can do this,” I say to myself in the mirror as I’m pulling my hair back into a messy bun. I throw on a T-shirt, some yoga pants, and the best smile I can muster before I head out of the door.

JACK

Not able to sleep, I find myself awake at four-thirty a.m., so I make a cup of coffee and take it out to the back patio. I sit on the two-seater bench and embrace the quiet of the night. After she does her business, Gracie climbs up onto the bench, lies down, and rests her head on my lap. I pet her head while I take in my surroundings.

As I look up at the moon, a tiny bit of peace washes over me, knowing that, somewhere, Annie’s under the same moon.But where, sugar? Where have you been these last few days? When are you coming home so I can tell you how sorry I am for hurting you?

I’ve been more afraid in these last several days than I can ever remember feeling prior to now. I just don’t know how to fix it. Not hearing her voice, or even a text from her, for almost four days now has scared the hell out of me. It’s shown me what it will feel like if Annie Brooks never forgives me and shuts me out of her life. I can’t imagine another week of this, let alone a lifetime.

A few hours later, I’ve dropped Gracie off at my parents’ for the day and am pulling my truck into the parking lot at Station Three. I’m a little early, so I sit in the truck for a few minutes, taking deep breaths to push down the panic threateningto rise. I’m going to ride in the ambulance today. If I’m serious about coping and getting my life back on track, I can’t avoid the ER anymore.

I take one last cleansing breath, then open my truck door and walk toward the building.

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