Page 58 of Come Back to Me

“Dang… it sounds like he may be taking it worse than Emily. Or at least not dealing with his emotions around it,” she whispers.

“How is she? Emily, I mean? I haven’t seen her since the funeral and have only been able to text with her a few times.”

“She’s hanging in there. She has moments where the enormity of what’s happened just slams into her. You know we went to high school together, right? I’ve known her a long time. When she loves, she loves with all she’s got. I think she vacillates from feeling intense grief, to anger at him forhaving an affair, to guilt because she feels like telling him she wanted a divorce was the impetus for what happened. I think she also really misses him. She’s seeing a counselor, though, and I think it’s helping her process all the feelings.”

We sit quietly for a few minutes and I watch Tommy playing with Bean, smiling at the joy and innocence. I get lost in thought.

“Did Jack ever tell you he lost a friend to cancer in his early twenties?” Shayna asks.

“Um, yeah, he didn’t tell me any details, though. Just that it was what got him into journaling to express his feelings,” I say. I’m not sure where she’s going with this.

She takes a sip of her wine, then looks up at me. “That friend was my fiancé, Tom,” she whispers. Shayna nods when she sees me look down at Tommy then back at her, making the connection.

“He had lymphoma and needed a stem cell transplant. So many kind and generous people in our community got tested, and we found a match.” She pauses. “It was Jack.”

When I audibly gasp, she gives me a sad smile, then continues. “Jack immediately agreed to the transplant. We proceeded, and, though it’s rare, it eventually failed and we still lost him.”

She takes a second to wipe a tear, looking down to be sure Tommy doesn’t notice.

“Shayna, you don’t have to tell me this…”

“No, I do. Really, it’s okay. I’m telling you this because, as you’ve probably realized, my brother has a bit of a hero complex. He has this internal drive that makes him need to try to save everyone. He can’t really help it. But when Tom died, Jack felt like he had personally failed him. He literally gave from his own body to try to save him, but still felt like a failure. He felt so much grief over that.”

“God, I’m so sorry,” I say quietly, reaching for her hand.

“The thing is, Annie, if he grieved Tom that hard, imagine what he must be thinking because he couldn’t save Teddy… someone he’s literally been trying to save and watching out for since before he was old enough to drive.”

By now we’re both tearful, but trying to quell it so Tommy doesn’t notice. Shayna is looking upward and blinking rapidly, and I’ve turned my head from his view and am frantically fanning my face with my hands.

“My brother loves you so much, Annie. Just try to hold on to that while he works his way through this.”

CHAPTER 26

ANNIE

As I pull my front door shut behind us, Beanie and I are surrounded by the cool night air and darkening sky as we prepare to take our walk.

Often, I’ll talk to Beanie while we walk, as if he can hold a conversation. Tonight, though, I’m quiet, just thinking as we stroll through the neighborhood.

This evening was our first book club since everything happened with Teddy and we weren’t sure if we should cancel until next month or not. It was Emily, though, who insisted that we not cancel, saying she needed something in her life right now that felt the same. Something that didn’t remind her Teddy was gone.

So, we held our monthly Saturday nightSpicy Girlsmeeting. We drank wine, discussed steamy books, and pretended nothing tragic had happened in our lives in the last few weeks.

Honestly, I think it was something we all needed. Something with a sense of normalcy.

Our walk around the block is almost complete when mytext message alert dings. I’m hoping it’s Jack. I texted him about an hour ago and still haven’t heard back.

I look down and see that it’s not Jack; it’s Joel.

That’s weird. He never messages now that he knows I’m with Jack.

Joel: Sorry to bug you, I’m at O’Riley’s and Jack’s here. I think you need to come down.

Shit, is Jack getting trashed again?My Jack who barely drinks… or used to barely drink, I mentally correct myself. I order an Uber since I’ve been drinking a fair amount of wine tonight and jog the last quarter of a block home. I secure Beanie in the house and grab my wallet, then go outside to wait for my ride.

Twenty minutes later, I get out of the Uber in front of O’Riley’s. My nerves are on high alert, worries about Jack. I make my way into the bar, trying to hear myself think over the music and weaving my way through the thick crowd toward the bar, where I assume Jack will be sitting.

I see Joel first and he walks toward me with two beers in his hands, extending one to me.He knows I’m here to pick up a drunk Jack. Why would I want a beer?Whatever, I tell myself, I accept it and take a sip.

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