Page 47 of Nanny for the SEAL

His words from that night have burned a hole into my heart, though. I can’t stop playing them in my head, wanting to follow through with that thread.

“Ivy, I…”

His words trail off, but I don’t rush him. I’ll wait as long as Xaden needs me to.

Because these feelings have been suffocating me. I can’t keep it bottled up anymore. Idowant Xaden. I think I have since the beginning, too.

If he’s not into this now, I will back up. I just…I need to know.

“Look, Xaden, there’s no pressure. If you want to call the other night a fluke, I’m fine with it. I just…there’s something here, and I need to know what to do about it. Go forward or fall back?”

My eyes are stinging. I don’t want to examine why.

I mean, sure, a part of me is already screaming that letting this all drop away seems about as much fun as eating glass, but I’m not about to push it.

I can’t be that girl, that person. I won’t push anything on anyone—ever.

With a sigh, Xaden’s head falls, and he rakes a hand through his hair. “Ivy, this is just…wow, I was not expecting this.”

My brows pinch together. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to spring it on you like that.”

He lets out a gentle chuckle, and the couch rustles as Xaden adjusts in his seat, putting his empty glass down on the coffee table.

I’m not sure why, but I cringe as he sets it there. The coffee table is a pisspoor excuse for a table, a dented piece that I picked up at the local thrift shop.

One leg is shorter than the others, and I have to stick a folded-up piece of cardboard beneath it to balance the stupid thing.

“You weren’t exactly subtle, huh?” Xaden looks back up at me, and that very specific tightness in my chest hits me, making me that much more aware of my heartbeat. “I think I’m grateful for it, though.”

I can’t help but grin lightly, my head cocking to the side as I regard him. “Yeah?”

“I don’t know, Ivy.” Xade shrugs, but as soon as the gesture is over, his eyes find mine like a laser. “Something deep inside me wants to find out what this is, and that’s the scary part. I shouldn’t feel this way about you, but…I do.”

Gigantic butterflies swoop through my stomach, and I have to swallow. It’s an effort to get down the dregs of my drink, but I do, setting the glass behind me on the side table when it’s empty.

“I know the rules, too, Xaden. But it’s not like either of usplannedthis. I…I’m scared, too. For a lot of reasons, actually. Maybe that’s why being around you feels so nice? I don’t feel so afraid when I’m with you.”

Xaden reaches across the short distance to my hand, taking it and squeezing. “I’m really happy about that, Ivy. I hate to see you so on edge all the time. If I can ease that, well, I feel damn accomplished.”

I smile, my heart still pounding up a storm. “Are you sure…are you sure that it’s me? That you’re not just intrigued by the situation?”

The laugh that cuts through Xaden isn’t necessarily based on humor. I can see the surprise as he shakes his head, his brows going up.

“Absolutelynotthe situation. That’s what’s freaking me out. I mean, mostly. There’s also the fact that I’m attracted to another woman, and that still feels…weird after everything. But…that’s just it, Ivy. I haven’t been. Nothing going on over here.” He gestures to himself, pausing his words. “Not until you.”

Heat swells in my cheeks, embarrassment and appreciation warring for air time. “Xaden, I’m just some chick from New York. I swear I’m nothing special.”

In a quick move, he scoots closer to me on the couch, his knees bumping into mine as he takes my other hand, now holding them both.

“That’s where you’re wrong. I’ve seen you with Daisy. It’s remarkable how you’ve made her feel comfortable and appreciated. I’ve seen you around the house, doing tiny things that mean more than you know, like getting my lunch prepared and making sure to stock up on hot cocoa because we all like to have it before bed.

You’re incredible, and…it is you, Ivy. It’s not the intrigue of you being the nanny. It’s not because you live next door, and it’s not because it’s been a while, and I’m looking for something. I wasn’t looking foranything. But everything you do has pushed you more and more into my head.”

I can’t speak, and Xaden’s hand moves to my face as he squeezes my fingers with the other. His palm is warm and comforting against my skin, and I’m pretty damn sure that my heart is going to burst through my ribcage.

“I am a total mess, Ivy. But…” his words linger as Xaden leans closer to me. “I think I want to try.”

“Xaden, I…”

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