Page 52 of Nanny for the SEAL

“Ugh,” hanging my head, I rub my fingers across my forehead and try to suck in some fresh air, “fine. I may have…slept with Ivy.”

Pounding lightly on the counter in front of him, Mason grins before pointing his beer bottle at me accusingly. “I fucking knew it. You’re all…glowy.”

I can’t help but laugh at that one, and I swallow down another large gulp of my drink. “I amnotglowy, asshole. It’s just…been a minute. I may have…made up for lost time. A few times."

“Ha! Well done, Xade. So, was it everything you dreamed it would be?”

I hear the tease in his voice, but Mason is also offering a note of seriousness, opening the door for me to get out all the things I want to say.

“You know,” I smile, memories of the previous evening swimming through my mind, “it was amazing, if completely unexpected.”

Mason raises his brows at me, scoffing. “Unexpected? I mean, you had to know that was going to happen eventually. You said yourself that you were attracted, and from what I’ve seen picking up Daisy or dropping off Mia, you two were dancing around each other constantly."

Another laugh is forced out, and I shake my head. “Okay, fair enough. I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised. Still…I didn’t really think we were going to push past the stuff holding us back. Even after I told her that I was attracted to her the other day.”

Mason grins, finishing his swig of beer and nodding. “You told her. That’s a big step for you. Good job. And I mean, come on. Of course, she’s attracted to you right back. Look at you.”

If I was big on blushing, I would be turning bright pink right now, and as it is, I’m not sure I don’t have some staining on my cheeks.

Taking compliments has never been my strong suit, so I distract myself with another sip of my beer.

“Thanks,” I offer half-heartedly, “I guess. I, uh, it was something.”

The guilt I’ve been pushing down all morning bubbles up, choking me. I swig some of the much-needed alcohol and sigh as I finish it with an audible swallow.

“Uh-oh. You alright there, soldier?”

Tension radiates through me, and I try to shrug through a head shake. “Don’t call me that, Mason. I hate it.”

“Hey, sorry, man. But seriously, what’s up? You should be floating on cloud nine right now. I mean, I’ve seen Ivy. She’s stunning and amazing with Daisy. That’s a damn catch right there.”

“You’re not wrong. Really. I feel so damn lucky—and undeserving. I mean, after what happened with Maeve, should I really be pursuing a relationship? I could just get her hurt like I did before.”

My guts churn, and I try not to see the car accident in my head again. But the sights and sounds haunt me, looking for a way to throw me to the ground at any turn.

It was my fault Maeve died, my fault that Daisy lost her mother. The thought of doing that again…I can’t. I just can’t let that happen.

“Hey, pull up, Xade.” Mason’s voice snaps me to attention, and I remember that I’m not alone. “You’re spiraling. I can see it. Take a breath.”

I nod, doing my best to listen to his advice. Mason is a damn good friend, and I’m so grateful to have him as a part of my life.

“Sorry. It’s…rough. You get me.”

Mason nods. “I do. And I know it’s a lot to carry every day. But I want you to listen to me for once when I tell you that your life cannot be just about grief and guilt. You deserve happiness."

The guy doesn’t beat around the bush. It’s what I like about him, but it’s also a pain in the ass when you have to be the one on the butt end of some tough love.

“It’s not that simple, man.”

“Yeah,” Mason levels me with a stare, “it is. Sure, easy is a different story, but it is simple. You need to let go of the past. Maeve wouldn’t want you to be alone for the rest of your days, beating yourself up.”

A hard cut of laughter escapes me, sarcastic and sad. “Ha, sure. You’re not the one remembering all the times she joked about haunting me if she was the one to go first.”

“If I recall, you two were talking about getting old at that point. And I don’t think she would stick to that threat if she could see you now.”

I sigh—because it’s all I can do, apparently—and polish off the last of my beer. My wedding ring clinks against the glass as I purposefully tap my finger against it.

I haven’t taken the thing off. It’s been two years, and I’m still wearing it.

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