Page 70 of Nanny for the SEAL

I have to tell Xaden about my father and everything that happened in the past. I can’t let his introduction to it be a surprise visit from my dad.

It still terrifies me, though. I don’t know what I’m supposed to say, and the thought of Xaden’s perception of me changing because of my past is almost enough to keep me from going back into the house.

Almost.

The truth is, I’m too far gone for the both of them to pull away now. I’m in. I just need to be “in” completely, no more secrets.

I’m just a few feet away when my phone buzzes in my hand. I somehow already know what it’s going to be, but that doesn’t make it any better.

Don’t keep me waiting, Vivi. Give me what I want.

Swallowing, my steps falter as I get up onto the porch. I shove it all down, smiling for Daisy and opening my arms for her.

“Ivy!” She calls, hopping into my arms.

“Hi, cutie. We having breakfast?” I settle her on my hip, following Xaden inside.

“Pancakes!”

She squeals happily, and that burning nausea crawls up the back of my throat.

Turning to Xaden, I put on my best composed but needy face. “Hey, I need to run to the bathroom. I’ll be right back, okay?”

He takes Daisy with a smile, but I can see the worry touching his brow. “You alright?”

“Yeah, totally. Go and get started. I’ll be right there.”

“Okay.” He grins down at Daisy, tickling under her chin. “Alright, missy. Let’s keep the syrup on the pancakes this time, yeah?”

Daisy just giggles, and I head toward the bathroom. When I’m out of sight, I sprint to the room, close the door behind me, and fling myself to the toilet.

There’s not much to heave up, but the water I had comes out of me, and I’m left shaking on the bathroom floor.

“Jesus, what the hell was that?” I whisper to myself.

I’ve been anxious about my father before, downright terrified, but this is the first time I’ve actually gotten sick over it. Usually, it just stays annoying nausea.

Hauling myself off the floor, I stumble over to the sink. I turn on the cold water, leaving the temperature frigid, and splash my face with the icy liquid.

The rush of cold helps to subdue any lingering stomach issues, and I force myself to focus on my breathing. I’ve been feeling off all morning, and I pray that I’m not getting sick.

I do not have the time for that.

Still, as I check myself over in the mirror, making sure I don’t look like I just puked, my nerves are on edge. The lasting unease isn’t fading, and the pinch in my stomach remains.

Something feels off,wrong, and I can’t put my finger on it. I know I’m not the best at being optimistic, but I can’t shake the sense that something terrible is about to happen.

“That’s predicting the future, Ivy. You’re letting your anxiety get the best of you. Come on, you got this.”

The pep talk works only slightly, but I have a breakfast I need to get to, and if anything, being there for Daisy and beingwithXaden keeps me focused on the here and now.

I don’t have time to let my panic overwhelm me. I have a kiddo to take care of, and I need to find a way to talk to Xaden about everything with my father.

So whatever is going on out there on the horizon is just going to have to wait. We’re too busy over here.

Drying off and pulling my running jacket down, I nod at myself and head out of the bathroom to the kitchen. Pancakes are waiting, and I’m going to eat them.

TWENTY-THREE

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