Page 79 of Nanny for the SEAL

Shuffling over to the bathroom, I sit down on the floor with my back to the bedroom. It still takes another few seconds before I can spin the test around so that I can lean over and read the screen.

When I do, I see one glaring word staring back at me.

Pregnant.

TWENTY-SIX

Ivy

I flush the toilet again to make sure that everything goes down the drain. Sam rubs my back, helping me to stand up and get to the sink to rinse up.

For now, at least, it feels like the churning in my stomach has stopped. I slurp up some water from the sink and swish it around before spitting.

“Okay, let’s get you to the bed.”

Sam is being so incredible, but my thoughts haven’t stopped storming since I considered I might be pregnant, and seeing that I am has not helped.

“I can’t sit right now.” I start pacing through my room again, and Sam tracks me across the room as I walk back and forth repeatedly. “This…this wasn’t supposed to happen. I don’t understand.”

What am I going to tell Xaden? This wasnevermeant to happen. How is it me who gets to be the lucky one who gets pregnantwhileon the pill? I can’t believe this.

“I know. It’s definitely a surprise. And hey, I know you’re beyond overwhelmed right now. But you need to consider what you want to do. Do you want a baby?”

I put shaking hands to my face, burying it there so that I don’t have to see the light.

“I mean, I did. I’ve wanted kids. But now? With Xaden? I mean, I don’t know.”

The nausea starts to swell again, and I walk back to the bathroom to splash more cold water on my face in an attempt to get it to back off.

After a few tries, it seems to work.

“It’s going to be okay, Ivy. You just need to be honest with yourself.” I meet Sam’s eyes through her reflection in my bathroom mirror. “Do you want to keep it or not. I have zero judgment. I promise. I’ve had to take Plan B after a condom broke, and I was prepared to have an abortion if it got that far. Luckily, it didn’t. So, what do you want to do?”

My stare drops to the sink. I map out the lighter portions of porcelain created by the reflecting light. The drain needs to be cleaned, and I can see an eyelash clinging to the surface even after using the water.

Okay, Ivy. What do you want?

“I think…” I look up at my reflection, facts about my life and who I am running through my head. “I think I want it. This is my life, right? I don’t know what the future holds, but being a mother is something I’ve wanted.”

Sam nods, walking up and putting her hand on my shoulder. “Okay. Then be one. But you need to talk to Xaden. You don’t necessarily need him to agree to have this or not, but he should know, and the longer you wait to tell him, the harder it will be.”

My stomach clenches again. “I…”

But the words trail off.

The wave of worry washing over me is beyond intense. What if Xaden is upset? What if he is angry with me because he thinks I did this on purpose?

What if he wants nothing to do with me after this? What if everything that I’ve tried so hard to build with him—after everything he’s done, too—blows up in my face?

I can’t deal with all this. I was just getting settled here, and?—

“Hey, you’re spiraling again. I can see it. Take a breath, hun.”

Looking over at Sam, I watch as she sucks in air and releases it. I try to mimic her, knowing that it really does help when you can actually do it.

“You’re right. About the spiraling, too.” I laugh half-heartedly. “I need to do the right thing and tell Xaden. I can wait to tell my sister and anyone else until I’m far enough along. But I’ll tell Xaden…tomorrow. I’ll tell him over dinner.”

Sam nods at me, encouraging me silently as I come up with a plan.

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