Page 131 of Delicate Storm

“Yes,” she answers barely above a whisper.

“And me letting you in?”

“Yes.”

“Fuck, Paige. Are you sure? Because I don’t know what I’m doing anymore, with anything in my life. I’m failing Isaac, my mom. You. I’m a mess and you deserve better than that. I can’t give you what you want. No matter how much I wish I could.”

“What do you think I want?”

“The world, Paige.” My chest tightens as I note the sadness in her eyes, and while I’d love to do anything to make her happy all the time, I don’t think it’s possible. “You want the world. And God knows you deserve it.”

“I—”

“You deserve someone who’ll stand by your side at your incredible charity events, someone that can follow you to Paris and Italy to watch you walk the runways of fashion week. You deserve someone who can give you one hundred percent of themselves without a second thought. You deserve it all.”

“You’re wrong.” She holds my gaze, her expression defiant. “I don’t want any of that. I want someone to come home to. Someone to talk to about my day. Someone who looks at me like you do even when they can’t give me a hundred percent ofthemselves. I want you, Easton. That’s all I’ve wanted since the moment we first kissed, but I’m terrified of what that will do to you. My life is a mess—I told you that—and I’d never forgive myself if any of it came back to haunt you.” She pauses and her face drops before she shakes her head. “Only, I don’t think I can let you go. I don’t think I’m strong enough. Not now.”

I stare into her beautiful dark eyes and process her words. She wants me. And while I’m equally messed-up, I want her too. “I don’t think I’m strong enough either, but…” I trail off. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before, but I have this feeling I’m setting us up for failure when we haven’t even started. “There are some things about me that I need to tell you. Some things I’m not proud of.”

“East—”

“No, please. You need to hear it.”

“Okay.” She moves to get comfortable while I face forward, unsure I’ll get through it all if I’m looking at her.

“I’ve never been easy to live with. The asshole version of me isn’t the result of my current situation. It’s me. All my life I’ve only cared about a few things, and everything else fell into thetoo hardbasket—something I had to do or someone I had to talk to but didn’t want to. I know it stems from my dad walking out on us. I’ve always struggled with that, and I don’t need a shrink to tell me he’s a big part of the way I am. But it’s been years and I haven’t changed.”

“You’re not like that with me,” Paige cuts in, her warm palm cupping my leg.

My shoulders drop as I sag back into the cushions. “I know, Paige. And that scares the hell out of me because I care. I really fucking care and I could easily fuck it up. It’s like I’m programmed differently. I cared about Macy too. At one point. And look how that ended.”

Paige squirms beside me, and when I look her way she grimaces. “Before you say any more, I need to tell you that she was here today. Macy, I mean. She called and I wouldn’t let her see Isaac. I’m sorry if that was the wrong decision but I didn’t know and—”

“She told me,” I cut her off to ease her mind. “You made the right decision and I’m thankful you were here. Things between me and Macy are complicated to say the least. I should have told you about it before asking you to help with Isaac, but I didn’t think. In fact, I don’tthinkenough when I’m caught in any situation I’m not prepared for.”

“Like your mom being rushed to the hospital? No one would think clearly if that happened.”

“Maybe not, but there have been other opportunities to talk to you. I just—”

“Don’t like letting people in. Like me.”

“Yeah.”

“We’re talking now.” She shrugs softly. “I’m here to listen. To help.”

“You are now. We’ll see how you feel after I tell you what I did.”

Paige offers me a slight nod, but I can tell she wants to argue. To defend me when she doesn’t even know what she’s trying to defend. I wish I could pretend to be the guy she thinks I am, but I can’t hide anymore. Not from her.

“I was an asshole to Macy after Isaac was born. I basically trapped her and then blamedherfor it. She never wanted kids. Hell, neither did I. It’s why we worked. But then she became pregnant and I promised to support her. I convinced her it would be a good thing. That when our baby was born, something would change in both of us and we’d love our new life. And I was right. The second I saw Isaac, my entire world fell into place. It was like nothing I had done before that momentmattered. He instantly became my everything. But it wasn’t like that for Macy. Nothing changed, and she begged me to put him up for adoption. She loved our life the way it was before she was pregnant. She didn’t want the responsibility and thought I’d come to resent it too.”

I chance a look at Paige and find her eyes glassy but wide. I’m sure she’s wondering how anyone could possibly think that about Isaac, but Macy barely knew him then. Some people aren’t meant to be parents, and I should have acknowledged that. But I didn’t.

“I made so many promises to get Macy to stay and play happy family. I was convinced she just needed time. And that Isaac needed us both. For over two years, I bribed her to stay. Adoption was never an option, but I also never considered going it alone. And I should have. I was wrong. Kids see and feeleverything…On some level, Isaac knew she didn’t want to be there. I can see it in their interactions together now. I hate the way Macy is treating him, and I want her out of his life. But more than that, I hate that it’s my fault we’re in this situation to begin with. And I know she’s hanging around to spite me. I’ve fucked up so much that I no longer know what the right thing is.”

“Oh, Easton. You haven’t fucked up. You’re doing what’s right for Isaac.”

“Is it right, though? Was it right to force someone to be a mother? Is it right to keep threatening her now when she doesn’t spend time with him? And is it right to be thinking about hiring a lawyer to takeherrights away when I’m the reason she ran? If I’d let her go when he was first born, she may have realized she wanted to be part of his life on her own. I hate her for what she’s doing to him, but I hate myself more.”

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