Page 23 of Surrender

"I'm so, so, so, sorry."

Declan waves Joseph off and lets me hustle him into The Envelope and into his office where I know he has ice.

His face is stormy, and he's touching his split lip tenderly, but he's not yelling at me, yet.

I scoop a handful of ice out of his ice maker and hold a large piece against his jaw, which is now red and swelling.

"You didn't have to do that."

Frustration, anxiety, and fear are a potent concoction floating just below the surface of my skin. Ihatethat he was hurt because of me. Ihatethat my shady life before him had sullied his perfect world. Ihatethat he had to rescue me,again.

"It's a cut lip, Serenity. It's not a big deal. Why are you fretting so much?"

He winces when I drag the ice cube over his lip and whatever tiny tether I had on my control snaps.

"Because I'm not worth it!"

It's the first time I've ever raised my voice at anyone, and I'm instantly hit with the embarrassment of it. But instead of reacting with anger, like I'd expect him to, Declan's face slackens, his brow relaxing. So, I let out all my frustration on him. "You got hurt because of me and I'm not worth defending. I'm not worth the fancy house or the fancy clothes and I'm definitely not worth you getting hurt because of me!"

I try to hide the shiver that runs through me but am unsuccessful. And of course, Declan catches it.

"Ser..." he says, and it's full of pity and softness and I hate it, too.

I take a step back and clench my fists, chest heaving. Soft, green eyes implore me to look at them. I fight the urge for a while. But finally, I look up at him. His entire demeanor has changed. He's still tense, but there's no frustration or anger or anything.

Slowly, he reaches out and wraps his large hands around mine, digging his thumbs in my closed fist and peeling them open. The ice clatters to the floor, but neither of us notice. We breathe in silence, eyes locked, an entire silent conversation happening between us.

He gently brings my hands back to his face, in a silent command to calm down, to relax, to touch him again. But instead of trying to treat him, I simply hold his face in my hands. It's the most physical contact I've ever had with another human being. It's the most touch I've ever had.

I'm willingly touching him. And he's willingly letting me.

His hands come to rest on my hips. It's nothing sexual, but it's frighteningly intimate.

My thumb moves on its own, gently caressing his cheek. He has dark, soft stubble, and I'm mesmerized by the feeling of it. I take in the cleft in his strong jaw, his strong cheek bones. I gently press against his cut lip, frowning that something so beautiful is marred because of me. But I'm touching him, and he's letting me.

There's a sharp knock at the door, causing me to start out of my trance and take a step back. Then I scold myself, thinking that touching a man's face is scandalous... in a sex club.

Madame Kline peeks her head through the door as she opens it, not waiting for a response.

"Have you seen...?" But she trails off with a happy smile when she sees me.

"Ah...I see...well I'll leave you to it then..." I swear she almost giggles.

"No! It's not like that..." I rush after her, hot with embarrassment

She's already halfway down the hallway by the time I caught up. "We open in ten, so I was just coming to find you. But ifthe boss has better uses for you time..." she teases, wagging her eyebrows up and down.

Embarrassment mixes with panic as I realize what she thinks we were doing.

"No! I'd never do that. I need this job, and we're not allowed to mix with the clients."

I catch my error the minute it comes out of my mouth. So does Madame Kline.

"But Declan isn't a client, now, is he?"

I open my mouth lamely before closing it again. Damnit, she caught me on a technicality.

I shake my head but straighten my shirt and veer off to find Benji, before I can get any crazy ideas.

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