Page 43 of Surrender

I know it's a dumb question, the second it leaves my mouth, but this has been our routine. We leave together. It feels wrong to leave my shift early. It feels wrong to leave him.

"I'll be home shortly. I have to stay in case there's any first aid or complaints tonight."

I frown. I don't like the idea of him kissing someone's boo-boos or fielding complaints. But I also acknowledge I'm not in my right mindset. He's the boss, and while I'll miss him, I trust he knows what needs to be done.

We should have a conversation soon about him touching other female customers. I don't like the green, envious feelings it evokes in my stomach. But right now, I'm still riding the high of submitting to him, of giving up my control, my power, my need for self-preservation, and of how freeing that submission feels.

Numbly, I follow Joseph as he escorts me out. We drive home and he walks me to the door, and I let myself in. I wish him a good night, before doing my normal nighttime routine. It feels weird knowing I'm the only person in the house, but it helps to make it feel more like my own. I know Declan said he wanted me to feel like this house was my home, but tonight is the first time it's felt partially mine. I could go anywhere in this house. I could do anything. I could run around it naked or cook an omelet. The freedom is intoxicating after submitting to Declan an hour ago.

Instead, I want to be his good girl. I shower, sticking to the freesia shampoo. I love the way it smells when it mingles with whatever Declan uses. I don't know what freesia is... a flower maybe? But none of the other scents felt like 'me'. I shower, and since Declan's not home to give me his shirt and boxers, I curl up in his bed fully naked and wrap his comforter around me. Ilove the mixture of my freesia scent with his own woodsy, musky scent. It smells like an enchanted forest.

I fall asleep with a smile on my face.

Chapter twenty-four

Declan

I'm standing in my bedroom, staring at the sleeping woman in front of me like a fucking creep.

She's naked.

She's in my bed.

She's smiling... naked... in my bed...

I can't see anything salacious because the duvet rests gently around her shoulders, but it only takes one naked shoulder for me to figure out what happened.

Looking like my every fantasy, my every dream, my every birthday wish wrapped into one beautiful, delicious package.

I wasn't home to leave her my shirt. So, she decided to go without. Instead of putting on any of the beautiful sleep sets Vivek picked out for her, she decided if it wasn't my oversized T-shirt, it would be nothing.

In a flash, I see coming home to her like this every night. Her waiting for me in our bed. Her making this house her own. Maybe a baby or two, if she wants them.

I shake my own head, startled by the thought.

Serenity is young. She's sweet and untainted, and I have no right to envision stealing her future. I'm fifteen years her senior. I could have been her father. She's feeling safe after our moment at The Envelope. Safe enough to lay in my bed and tempt me, because she trusts me.

And here I am wondering how I can knock her up, so she's forced to stay with me. I doubt she even wants to stay with me for any length of time. She's saving her money to get her own place, right?

How would you know if you haven't asked her?The traitorous voice in my head asks.

Of course I wouldn't know, because I haven't asked her what she wants. This started as a ward situation. She was battered and homeless, and I had a big home and a safe place for her to recover. Then she became more. I researched ADHD and anxiety and how I could help her. I forced her to sleep in the same bed as me. We started working together and I got to see how driven she is and how unique her brain is.

Then we added sex to the equation, and I'm completely enamored. There's no other way to describe it. Serenity is a gem, a beauty, a once-in-a-lifetime-soul. And while I know I don't deserve her, she's here, sleeping in my bed, naked. So maybe I've done something right.

I shower, slip into my normal pajamas, and when I slip into the bed silently, hoping not to wake her, she lets out a soft moan.

She turns and completely embraces me, arms and legs wrapped around me, head on my chest. She's unconscious, I know, but this position, this image is too much for me. I've never held anyone like this. I don't cuddle or kiss or anything with my casual partners. If they want aftercare I provide it, but to the explicit requests. I don’t go above and beyond. Because I tried that once, in the early days, thinking I was being a good guy, onlyto have the girl become obsessed and think we were more than what we were.

But Serenity's here, after the most traumatic experience of her life, naked, and holding on to me like I'm her lifeline. I can't deny her. I won't deny her. Fuck, I'll promise her forever right now if I thought it would make her feel better.

As I lay awake in the dark, Serenity's naked chest presses against my arm, every inhale, dragging her breasts against my bicep, and I'm lost to my thoughts. Of what I want, of what she wants. Of what the right thing to do is. Is it keeping her? Letting her go? Showing her more of the lifestyle? Protecting her from it?

And as I lay awake, I know I won't get any of the answers tonight.

Chapter twenty-five

Declan

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