Page 44 of Surrender

"You did what?!"

I look around quickly to make sure we're alone. The Envelope doesn't open for another thirty minutes, but Cas and Serenity and a few other servers are already here prepping for open.

"Keep your voice down," I growl.

"Answer the question," Harrison replies for Daniel.

I feel like a kid being scolded by the principal. My neck heats but I roll my shoulders back. I'm a grown ass man capable of making grown ass man decisions.

"I dommed her through her panic attack."

Daniel looks incredulous. "You dominated her, without a contract, without prior discussions of consent or boundaries," he restates as if I wasn't aware of how many red flags were in that sentence alone.

I don't take our contracts and consent lightly. If boundaries and communication aren't clear between participants of a scene, it can lead to some serious trauma.

Say I have a partner tied up in submission and spank her. If spanking is off the table for her, it's not some sexy punishment, it's abuse.

Dominating someone, especially a woman, is a transfer of power. And last night I took it without asking. A part of me wants to be ashamed of how I acted. It was reckless and could have seriously hurt all of the trust growing between Serenity and myself. But when I think back on the moment, and the fear in her eyes, I don't feel bad about it. Instinctively, I knew it was exactly what she needed. And the soft, calm look in her eyes that replaced the fear was worth it.

The serene smile on her face when I found her asleep in my bed afterwards... it was like she'd spent years waiting for someone to dominate her, to finally submit. To finally be able to shed the load of all that she carries.

I know we need to talk about it, but when she woke in my arms this morning, I didn't want to ruin the sheepish, shy smile on her face, or the way she looked at me.

Sitting her down and talking contracts, legalese, and aftercare instructions doesn't feel right to me. It feels like I'm putting her into a bucket with all my other hook ups. And she still seems too pure for this lifestyle. Not that there's anything wrong with the BDSM lifestyle. It's not dirty or shameful, it's liberating and wonderful.

So, my conflicting feelings have left me immobile. If we talk contracts and stoplights like I know we should, she'll stop being my Serenity and become just another sub. If we don't, I can't dominate her again.

So, I don't do either.

For a week we acted as if nothing happened between us. Except, I catch her watching me with hopeful eyes, and she keeps catching me watching her with soft ones.

Until Friday night. We're home from work, showered and in bed, but the tension in the room is wrong. When I look at Serenity, she's fidgeting again. She wants to say something or ask something, and I tense, already afraid I know what it'll be. The last time I asked her what she was thinking about, we crossed a line I know we shouldn't have crossed. Opening the door to sexual stuff with her was a terrible idea. She's quickly become an obsession. So, I refuse to ask her now. If we do more...if I taste her, or we have sex, I'm afraid of what kind of irreparable damage that will do to me. And I'm afraid of how far I'll push her.

Finally, she finds her bravery.

"Can I touch you again?"

I should say no. I should stick her firmly in the ward bucket and stop this thing between us. But I'm helpless to deny her anything.

So, knowing I'm probably going to regret it, I say yes.

I strip under her watchful gaze. I run and workout, so I know I'm in shape, but I can't help the boost to my ego when her eyes drag over my abs, my thighs and my groin.

"Have you ever had an orgasm?"

She bites her lip and shakes her head 'no'.

Christ.

The floodgates open and I want to keep her in my bed coming as many times as she can. I want her begging me to stop. I want to ruin her for all other men. I want her addicted to my mouth, my hands, and my cock.

Instead, I lay on my back and let her with feast her eyes.

Soft fingertips dip into the valleys between my abs and circle my pecs.

"You're so beautiful," she whispers.

"Can I try to turn you on?" I clear my throat as my voice is practically begging.

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