Page 49 of Surrender

She gives me a small smile and a nod.

"Go get dressed, he'll be here soon."

***

But as I watch her hug her friends and walk out the front door, I know I've made a mistake. She wanted to celebrate with me. She wanted to explore more in bed, but I pushed her away. I pushed her out the door into who knows what kind of danger, and possibly into the arms of another man. Who's to say she doesn'tfind someone her age at the club? Go home with him tonight? Give some stupid stranger her precious virginity.

It's not even her hymen I give a shit about, it's the trust, the vulnerability, the opportunity for someone to hurt her if they're not careful.

I sip my whiskey neat in the darkened front room, glaring at my front door as if it sent her away instead of me.

Just after eleven, a key enters the lock and the door creaks open.

Serenity tiptoes inside, toeing off her heels and closing the door quietly behind her.

"Have fun?" My voice has far too much anger and bitterness in it, and I know she doesn't deserve it.

She jumps with a gasp, hand flying to her chest. "Dec! You can't do that to me! I'm jumpy enough as it is."

She flicks on the light now, knowing she doesn't have to be quiet. But when she looks at me, I know she sees how angry I am.

I'm not angry at her. I'm angry at myself. That I would push her into the arms of someone else. That I'm too much of a coward to tell her that I want her, only her, all of her. Angry that I have a beautiful, sweet, smart girl who wants me and I... what? Push her away so she doesn't fall in love with me? How fucking arrogant.

She tilts her head at me before slowly approaching. "I did have fun. Thank you for the girls' night. I've never really had friends, so it was definitely new."

One hand comes to rest on my shoulder, the other hand rests on my other one, but I'm tense - unsure of what she's going to do.

Slowly, she lifts one leg and places her knee next to my hip. "But you know I wanted to celebrate another way..." Her other leg kneels next to me now too, until she's straddling my lap.

"You're drunk," I grumble, even as I pull her close enough to rest my face against her chest. I'm angry with her. We'vetalked about how alcohol can increase ADHD symptoms. How the quick hit of dopamine can cause her dopamine to crash even more afterwards as the body tries to balance it out.

"Didn't have a drop."

I grumble again, but the gentle way she's stroking the hair on the back of my head has my body relaxing.

"I don't have an ID, remember?"

I glare up at her. Why hasn't she gotten a new one yet?

Irritation flares inside of me. "Enjoy getting groped all night by horny teenagers?" I know I'm being ridiculous, but logic and self-control tend to evaporate when she's near.

She nods and I'm tempted to throw her off of me. "Ella did get a bit handsy towards the end..."

She's fucking teasing me, but it does help me relax when I get confirmation that she didn't dance with other guys, just her girls.

She pulls back just enough to take my face in her hands. "Do you really think I'd dance with any random man, when the one I want to celebrate with was waiting for me at home?"

I run my hands up and down her back, her waist, her hips. Touching her helps ease the anger. She's here. She's safe. She didn't spend the night with some random asshole. And if her breath is any indication, she didn't drink tonight. She wasn't reckless, like I'd feared. She wasn't pimping herself out to any man who would look at her. She did exactly what I had hoped she would. And she wasn't even put off by my shitty demeanor.

It took all of the fight out of me.

"How did you want to celebrate?" I ask, finally able to look at her without any residual anger. She leans forward and whispers against the shell of my ear.

"Should we find my list and check off some boxes tonight?"

I grunt. Fuck. The kink list.

My gut instinct is to throw her onto the floor and make her come on my tongue. I don't want to do anything penetrative yet,but I could tongue fuck her into oblivion. But this girl deserves better.

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