Page 60 of Surrender

My chest is heaving as I look up at him from the floor. God, he looks good like this. Fly of his slacks open, hair disheveled, smiling down at me with a self-satisfied look on his face.

I can easily see myself getting addicted to this - to him - to taking and receiving pleasure from this man.

He's going to ruin me.

Chapter thirty-four

Serenity

Four pairs of eyes greet me as I come into the bar area from the back and my steps stutter.

"What?" I ask, instantly defensive.

"I'm proud of you, Serenity. This was a great idea," Madame says, flanked by Declan, Harrison and Daniel. I've chatted with Daniel on and off over the months. He's friendly, affable, funny, and can carry on a conversation with anyone about anything, but I never see him play with anyone. I don't know what his story is, but it also doesn't concern me. Harrison, I've learned, likes to watch. He observes the room around him diligently. The strong but silent type. It's not off-putting or offensive that we don't talk. I'm happy to accept him just as he is.

"Well, we don't know that yet. It could be a total flop," I reply. My stomach has been twisting in on itself all day. We're trying the stepsiblings night tonight and I'm incredibly nervous. I know, logically, people like watching porn about it, but translating that into the real world could be a terrible idea.

Is it too taboo? It requires some play acting, that maybe some people aren't going to be good at.

I keep myself busy, restocking the glasses, napkins and liquor bottles behind Benji's bar. I hope he won't mind me doing it for him. I think I've learned enough about how he keeps his bar to not mess anything up.

But Madame's having none of it. "Regardless of if it's a success tonight, it was a good idea. We should always be experimenting with new themes and ideas."

I'd come up with a few other ideas but have been too insecure to suggest them. I'd like to help The Envelope out with marketing ideas but figure I should actually get my degree first. Maybe my classes will inspire some other ideas. Not that The Envelope needs help, but I like to feel useful. More than just ferrying drinks around. It's important to Declan, so it's important to me.

The doors open and couples and singles start arriving, heading to the table explaining the rules. Guests chat excitedly as they examine the bracelets and rules.

Pink for stepdaughter looking for a stepdaddy, blue for a stepson looking for a stepmom. Green for stepson looking for stepdaddy, red for stepdaughter looking for step-mommy. White for stepsister looking for a stepbrother. Black for a stepbrother looking for a stepsister. Purple for stepsister looking for a stepsister, and orange for step-brother looking for a step-brother.

Had to make it all inclusive. I wonder if it's not all too much, but the guests seem to know what they want and move into The Green room for drinks and to mingle. I watch as they scan the room, looking for the color of what they want.

"All we need is some washing machines for people to get stuck in," Benji laughs as he pours a whiskey for Declan.

I'm still so nervous that tonight will flop, that I almost don't pick up on his humor. I know they think they're proud of me forthis idea, and they don't care about it succeeding, but I care, and right now I'm a nervous wreck.

I turn to deliver Dec's whiskey, and almost bump into him. He gently wraps a hand around my wrist and the other around the glass.

"Color?"

He's color checking me? For what? Oh, God, he can see how anxious I am, and he's checking in on me?

"Yellow?" I ask, a tortured look on my face.

"Hey, if you need to hide in my office for a bit, or have me call Joseph, just let me know. Really, Ser. There's no pressure to be here right now." I hate when he's all sweet and caring. It makes my heart hurt more for him. Sometimes I wish he was his growly asshole self again, just so I didn't fall even harder for him, like I am right now.

Who am I kidding? I fell in love with him even back then.

I check in with myself. Yes, my heartrate is elevated, and anxiety swims in my guts like angry bees, and I'm a bit jumpier than normal, but I can do this. My life will never be stress-free, I just need to learn how to be stressed without it completely overwhelming me and preventing me from doing normal things, like my job.

I shake my head. "I'm okay. I'm anxious and nervous about tonight, but I think I can do it."

He gives me a soft smile before taking the drink from my hands.

"If that changes, the offer still stands."

"Thank you," I sigh, knowing how freaking perfect the man in front of me is.

I watch the broad back of his suit as he walks back to Harrison and Daniel and sits with them. He seems so much more relaxed than when I first met him. I don't know that I have anything to do with that specifically, but I'd like to think I do. I know it's notthe sex, we haven't crossed that line yet, and I doubt a handful of orgasms would make much of a difference. I'm sure he was having plenty of sex before me. His home life hasn't changed much, either. He doesn't let me do anything for him. But maybe my companionship has made his life better in some way. At least, I'd like to think so.

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