Page 65 of Surrender

"These look like they were made to be filled with my cum."

I whimper. We've been experimenting, but I'm still so new to all of this and his confident dirty talk is doing unholy things to my panties.

He slides my dress down until it pools at my feet.

"I'm going to take it easy on you this first time, Ser, alright?"

I nod, and bite my lip, but when he stops touching me, I realize my error. "Yes, sir," I reply.

He turns me back to face him and I rest my hands on his shoulders. "No, sir, tonight, Ser. Just Dec and Ser, alright?"

I want to believe that putting aside roles and scenes and just being Dec and Ser means something, but I realize I'm trying to turn this into something, when it's just sex.

It's just sex.

It'sjustsex.

My heart squeezes against itself painfully.

I love you.

Three tiny little words. Eight letters. They're on the tip of my tongue to say, but they taste bitter. I don't know if he loves me back, or if he ever could. And if I say it now, it'll ruin the moment.

Instead, I let out a grateful sigh as he presses his hands into my back, bringing my nipple into his mouth. My hands threadthrough his hair, holding him against me. I wonder if he can hear my heart thrashing wildly for him.

He moves to my other nipple, and a moan escapes me as warmth floods my center. He's gentle with me as he lays me down on the bed and slides down between my thighs.

He plays with my lips and clit with an expert precision only someone with years of experience would have, but my mind is wandering already, threatening to slip into a negative spiral. So, I grab him by his hair and bring him up my body.

He chuckles, completely unaware of the turmoil building inside of me. "Eager, are we?"

I nod and try to lick my lips seductively. He presses up to kneel between me, reaching into his nightstand for a condom.

"I'm clean, and I know you are, too. But I also know you're not on any kind of birth control," he says as his slips the condom on his rock-hard erection. We had talked about hormonal birth control, but I haven't had a need to be on it, so it seems silly to get a prescription.

Fully sheathed, he looks me in the eye softly. "We can still stop, if you're not ready, Ser. I don't want you to have any regrets..."

Except for falling for a man who doesn't love me back? I grip his biceps and shake my head, afraid of breaking completely if I open my mouth.

He nods in understanding. "It'll hurt at first..."

"I don't care," I say quickly, pulling him down to his elbows. I can't take the eye contact. I want this. I know I do. I've wanted this for a while, it's just my damn emotions making everything so tricky.

He presses the head of his cock against my entrance and pushes in slowly, inch by inch, pausing to give me time to adjust. I'm consumed by him. The smell of his cologne, the warmth of his skin, his biceps on either side of my head, my legs wrappedaround him. He hits my hymen before backing slowly out. His restraint must be killing him, but he's doing what he promised and making it good for me. When I'm finally too turned on to think anymore, I dig my heels into his ass and encourage him to go deeper.

"Ready?" He asks gently, and this time I've regained enough control of my voice.

"Yes, please, Dec, just do it."

He presses into me again and I can feel the sharp sting of my hymen tearing. He thrusts in and retreats a few more times before he's settled fully into me. I feel so full of him; it causes tears to leak from my eyes down my temple and into my hair. I know I'll never be the same after this.

He rotates his hips, allowing me to adjust, and buries his head against my neck. "God, Ser, you feel so fucking good," he whispers, his lips dusting against my skin. A shiver works through me at the tickling feeling, and he groans again.

When he sits back and sees the tears, he wipes them with his thumbs and frowns. "Did I hurt you?"

I shake my head 'no' and he relaxes. "I'm not sure you'll be able to come with the pain, but I'll try to get you there, okay?"

Again, I wish he'd just be an asshole and not soft about it. I'm struggling to keep my composure as it is.

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