Page 79 of Surrender

"Part of Office 365, recent features include robust formulas and functions, charts, graphs, and sparklines. Arguably the most popular spreadsheet software," he reads. His voice is low and gravelly, but he speaks with perfect control, as if he isn't being driven insane.

Sweat drips down my spine and I shiver as the air conditioning cools the sheen over my entire body.

"Please!" I sob, a desperate and slobbery mess.

"You beg so pretty for me, Ser," he says in return, but he does take pity on me. He stands, carrying me with him so he doesn't fall out, and bends me over my textbook and his desk. This angle makes him unbelievably deep inside me, and he thrusts, abusing my G-spot with every snap of his hips.

He only thrusts into me once before I'm coming, moaning loudly, fingers gripping the wood desk beneath me, back archedimpossibly hard. He pounds me through it, though. I'm a boneless, mindless mass of cells as he thrusts faster and harder. My hips dig into the side of the desk, and I'm amazed the desk isn't pushed forward by the force of his hips. My textbook digs into my stomach, but as I catch my breath, I hear Declan grunting behind me, feral for me, and another orgasm winds tight within me.

I whimper, unable to tell himyes, ormore, or thatI'm coming.But he must feel it, because he bends over me, slides a hand between my thighs and pinches my clit as he moans. My walls squeeze him with my orgasm, and I can feel him twitching, coming hard inside of me.

He's lying on top of me, arms bracketed on the desk on either side of my head. His chest is heaving just as hard as mine, when a drip of sweat falls from his brow to my cheek where I have my face resting against the desk. I shiver. God, seeing this perfect, experienced, in-charge man fall apart for me? To know he fucked me hard enough to work up a sweat? It makes me want to do it all over again.

It's when he pushes to stand, that reality sets back in. The proof of that reality slides down my inner thigh and I freeze. My man, who thrives under control, lost his and forgot to put a condom on. I hold my breath and stay laying on the desk, waiting for his reaction.

Will he freak out? Will he get angry with me? Or with himself? Will he spiral? Demand a Plan B? Kick me out because his fear will be too much to handle?

I squeeze my eyes shut as a tear slides onto his desk. All of the possible reactions seem terrible. I don't want any of them to happen. I want to hold him to me and tell him it'll all be okay. That we'll figure it out together. But I don't move. I can't move.

And then there's a gasp.

"Oh, fuck," he whispers, and my heart clenches in on itself painfully, and sinks into my stomach. We'd been doing so well together. He was letting me prove to him and myself that I wasn't codependent, that we could have a real relationship outside of the lifestyle. I was proving to him that he could give me a chance and know that I was choosing him every day because I wanted to, not because I had to. I was learning how to be a normal college kid, while he was learning how to date again - lack of control and all.

I had silly thoughts of marriage and babies. We were five months into the six that I asked him for. I was planning a whole thing at our six-month mark, where I ask if I can move back in. Where we'd make our relationship public and announce it as official.

All of that seems like a stupid dream of a silly little girl now. The real world had consequences. And consequences for reckless sex means unplanned pregnancies.

Within a heartbeat, my resolve anchors itself to my bones and I stand. If I got pregnant, I'd figure it out. Plenty of single moms work their way through college. It would be hard, but Lord knows I've done hard before. I wouldn't raise my baby to think she was unwanted, like I'd been raised. I wouldn't attach my dreams and goals to a man. I wouldn't blame a baby for my own failings, and I would try to do better and be better every day for them.

I need a second or two to compose myself to face the storm, though, so I stay with Declan at my back. I'd let him blow up, or freak out, or whatever he needed to do. I'd gather my clothes, put them on, and take the bus back home and deal with the consequences myself.

A thick finger drags through the cum sliding down my thigh and I flinch at the sudden contact. "I forgot to use a condom..." he whispers, and it's almost too quiet to hear.

It's an admission of guilt. Well, I certainly hadn't stopped him and demanded he use one either. So, it's an admission of half-guilt.

But instead of blowing up, instead of freaking out, instead of spiraling, Declan pulls me into his lap sideways and gathers me against his chest.

"I'm sorry, baby. I wasn't thinking."

My shoulders slump in relief. He's being sweet, and vulnerable, and I fall in love with Declan Blake even more. I snuggle into him, wrapping my arms around his neck.

We sit in comfortable silence as he rubs my thigh.

He lets out a soft chuckle. "Is it crazy to think that maybe I want you to get pregnant?"

This earns a loud laugh out of me and breaks the tension in the room. "Ideally, I'd like to finish college before I get pregnant."

He drags his nose along my neck in a sweet gesture. "Ideally. But like... would you be mad if you did?"

I think about Declan holding a tiny baby and smile. "No, I wouldn't be." I'd never considered kids before Declan. When I didn't know if I'd be able to afford our next meal, or if I was safe with my parents' sketchier friends, any dreams of a future never really dawned on me.

"I promise I won't do it again. But..." The thumb on his right hand that is rubbing my thigh presses in a little too much and I know he's anxious about whatever it is he's about to say. "But... is that where you see this going? Because..."

I sit up to look into his beautiful green eyes. "That's exactly where I see this going, Dec. I want you, this life with you, marriage, a baby or two down the road." Then my own insecurities hit. Maybe he doesn't want a houseful of kids when he's older. I do a bit of quick math and realize he'll be fifty-six when our baby goes off to college if I were to get pregnant today. Won't he want to retire? Move to the beach? Hell, I don't know.

His kisses away the furrow on my brow. "Raising a child in a loving home with the woman I love? Sounds like a fucking dream."

"What about The Envelope? Will you keep running it? How would we explain what we do to our kids?"

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