Page 15 of Trustfall

“Never,” she says with conviction, and I shake my head.

“Bye, Mom. I’ll stop by again in a few days to check in,” I say as I place a kiss on the top of her head.

“You better. I’ll whoop your behind if you stay away for that long again.”

I shake my head and chuckle, heading out the door, but then my mom calls after me. “Luke…don’t minimize the possibility of finding love. It could be right around the corner. And I’m going to need grandbabies eventually.”

I wave her off as I close the door. My mom doesn’t miss an opportunity to try to insert herself into my love life. Not that I have one. I haven’t had a girlfriend since high school. It’s cleaner that way—no feelings, no loss.No one can leave me if I leave first.Relationships are messy. And getting married and having babies is so far out of the realm of possibility for me; it’s in an entirely different universe.

So explain to me why the second my mom said the word “love,” I imagined what it would be like to fall for a certain wavy, brown-haired, hazel-eyed nurse.

7

EMORY

When I was five,my grandfather lost Nate on a busy street in New York City. Gram had stopped to buy pretzels from a sidewalk vendor. When she turned back around after paying, my brother was nowhere to be found. Opa was supposed to keep an eye on us, but he got distracted chatting with a friend. Nate had seen something that caught his attention and wandered off. We finally found him slumped against the wall of a toy store, completely absorbed in a comic book without a care in the world. Gram immediately swept him up in her arms. When she turned around to face Opa, Nate and I both knew he was in trouble. But his face remained calm and neutral, and just as Gram opened her mouth to scold him, he started tap dancing.

In the middle of a crowded street in New York City.

Nate and I burst out laughing, but stopped when we turned to Gram, whose eyes softened, shifting from anger to amusement. Laughter began to bubble up from deep within her, starting as a giggle and then transforming into uncontrollable laughter. We all laughed again, but as her laughter slowed, tears glistened in her eyes.

Of all my childhood memories, that one stands out the most. It was the first time I saw the connection between the two people who raised me. What could have turned into a loud argument in the middle of the street became a beautiful moment between two people who loved each other deeply. Gram had every right to be angry with Opa in that moment, and he could have gotten defensive. He could have downplayed her feelings or made her think it was her fault. But he didn't. He took our minds off the fear and anger, even if only for a moment. From then on, I knew I wanted to marry a man who would tap dance in the street to cheer me up when I was angry with him. But life had other plans for me, and as I grew up, I realized how rare my grandfather was. Still, I hold onto the hope that somewhere out there, there's a man who would embarrass himself to make me smile.

This is what I’m thinking about as I watch thick ab muscles flex and tattoos shift back and forth outside my window.Luke.He almost kissed me. And I wanted him to. God, I wanted him to kiss me. Make me forget. Or remember. I’m not sure which at this point.

Allie comes up behind me and wipes the side of my face.

“You’ve got a little drool there, sis.”

“Screw you,” I sass as I bat her hand away.

“I’d be open to it, but somehow I don’t think I’m the one you really want to fuck.”

“Lord, give me strength.” I look up to the sky as I hold my hands in prayer.

“Why don’t you just go talk to him?” she asks as if that’s the easiest thing in the world. It’s been two weeks since Luke flew into a jealous rage and almost kissed me. At least, I think it was jealousy. I haven’t completely dismissed my theory that he’s working for my brother.

Against my better judgment, I told Allie what happened, and she’s been tormenting me about it ever since. Meanwhile, Luke and I haven’t exchanged so much as a wave in that time. Either I’m at work, or he’s at work or out. It’s clear as day that he’s been avoiding me.

“What would I even say?”

“For starters, ‘I want to ride your face until I come so many times I forget my own name,’” Allie says casually as she flops onto the couch and turns on the TV.

I let out a loud groan. Over the past two weeks, I've experienced a rollercoaster of emotions. At first, I was furious. How could he ambush my date, pin me against my own car, almost kiss me, and then just walk away like it meant nothing? Then, I started to feel self-conscious. Maybe he really did want to kiss me, but then realized I was a total loser and changed his mind. Then I must have started ovulating or something because I got really horny. I think my vibrator shorted out at one point. And who was front and center in every one of the fantasies I used to get myself off? Luke Motherfucking Collins.

As if that wasn’t bad enough, Luke started fixing his bike in his driveway every weekend morning in nothing but low-hanging gray sweatpants.

Which brings us to today.

Saturday. My day off.

I have nothing to do but watch my sex god of a neighbor work on his motorcycle without a shirt. I look down at my faded Ellsmont University T-shirt. It’s mine, but a men’s extra large because I love wearing long shirts as nightgowns. I have panties on, but no bra.

Then I get an idea.

If Luke thinks he can strut around outside half-naked, then two can play that game.

I grab Allie’s watering can from the utility closet and slip on my flip-flops. I look over at Allie, who is sipping her coffee and staring at her phone, some cooking show playing in the background. Good. She’s distracted.

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