Page 46 of Trustfall

“Funny,” he deadpans.

“No, seriously. You can’t possibly think I’ll let you stay the night after that stunt.”

“Stunt?” he seethes, stalking around the car so he’s standing inches from me. “You didn’t seem to think it was a stunt when you were screaming my name.Gushingfor me. And you gave me the green light.”

“Yeah, well, I thought you would tease me a little. Not make me come in front of your fucking friends.” I cross my arms and glare at him.

His expression softens, and he looks down at the ground, then back up at me, his icy blues swimming with remorse.

“Shit, Em. I should have checked in with you again. I’m so fucking sorry. He kept calling you babe, and then you called him Trav, and I don’t know, I just snapped.” I open my mouth to speak, but he keeps going. “And then you told them you weren’t my girl. I know you want this to be casual. We talked about it.”

Guilt snakes low in my belly. I hurt him. “I’m so?—”

“No. You don’t need to apologize. It’s not your fault. You were always upfront about what this was. You’re not my girl. We’re not in a relationship.”

I know I said the same words earlier tonight, but they sting so much more coming from him. I also don’t miss how he says “what thiswas” in the past tense. The truth is, I want to be his. I want it more than anything, but I refuse to give myself up for someone else again. He’s not Jaxon. I know that. But he used sex as a weapon tonight. It was completely different from the way Jaxon used to do it. Luke would never do what he did. I don’t think…but what if this is just the beginning? Jaxon wasn’t bad in the beginning. He was sweet and charming. He bought me jewelry and took me out to expensive restaurants. That’s just it, though. Luke has never tried to buy my affection with lavish things. He orders my favorite pizza from around the corner and fixes my floors. He cares about my comfort…my pleasure.

Despite what he just said, I can’t help feeling guilty. I used to assume the blame for everything that went wrong in my relationship with Jaxon without a second thought. I had developed a knee-jerk reaction from being constantly gaslighted by him. But when I really think about it, I am in the wrong for what happened tonight. I thought it would be funny to make Luke jealous. I played with his feelings. I flirted with his friends. I hurt him. And maybe Luke reacted like a caveman, wanting to claim me publicly, but I fully consented and then practically denied it because, after all the dust settled, I was just plain embarrassed.

I take Luke’s hand and intertwine our fingers. “Can we go inside and talk?” He nods, and I lead him up the stairs.

I take him to my room and kick off my shoes, motioning for him to do the same. He takes off his jacket and hangs it on the back of my desk chair.

I climb onto the bed and curl up in the fetal position, but I look over my shoulder when I don’t feel his weight next to me. He’s just standing there, frozen by the side of the bed.

“Will you lie down with me?" I ask. He doesn't respond, but I feel the mattress shift as he moves beside me. I slide up close to him, trying to bridge the gap, but he stays still. I'm not sure if he's upset or giving me space, so I inch closer, making my intentions clear. He remains motionless. I let out a frustrated sigh and gently take his arm, wrapping it around my waist. This whole thing feels familiar, but I can’t put my finger on it. Luke exhales, his tension easing as he melts into me, our bodies finally in sync.

“I need to say this, and I don’t want to look at you when I do. But I need to feel you,” I say. “I’m going to apologize, even though you told me not to. I noticed you were jealous and wanted to mess with you. That was wrong of me. You had my permission to touch me at the table, and I enjoyed it—a lot. But then I got in my head about it.” I inhale a steadying breath and continue. “I want more, too, but I’m scared. I lost a part of myself in college and spent a lot of time trying to get it back. I think I’m close…I just need more time. I understand if you can’t give it to me. You deserve so much more than waiting for some broken girl to heal.”

I can’t believe I just said all that. It’s the most real I’ve ever been with anyone, aside from Allie and my therapist. Luke doesn’t say anything for a few seconds, and I think I’ve made a mistake opening up to him, even just a little bit. But then he starts running his fingers up and down my arms. “I’ll wait as long as you’ll let me,” he says quietly. “And you’re not broken to me, Em. You’re perfect.”

My heart squeezes in my chest as a single tear runs down my cheek. It’s easy to believe you don’t deserve love when you’ve been told that you don’t for years. I let myself believe it because it was better than being alone at the time. I can hate Jaxon for making me feel like I was never good enough, and I can hate myself for letting him, but I owe it to myself to give this thing with Luke a shot. Especially if he’s willing to wait for me.

I don’t say anything else. Instead, I listen to our combined breathing as it starts to even out, and my eyes grow heavy. The steady rise and fall of Luke’s chest is the last thing I feel before I drift off to sleep.

17

LUKE

I fucked up.I knew she was messing with me. I knew it the second she opened the door, and I saw that tight-as-fuck black dress she was wearing. I was amused at first. The way she would lower her eyes and giggle at something Travis or Ace would say and then check my face for a reaction. It was kind of cute. I kept up my scowl throughout the night to play into her little game, but then she called him Trav and told them, in no uncertain terms, that she wasn’t my girl, and a fucking switch flipped in my brain. Easy-going, casual Luke was gone, and I became a possessive asshole. I had to claim her then and there.

I’m not gonna lie. It was the single hottest experience I have ever had in my life. Making her come apart in front of them. Watching her try to hold in her little whimpers and failing miserably in the end, smashing that glass down while screaming my name. I almost came in my pants like a fucking teenager. I’m getting hard now, even thinking about it. She makes me crazy in ways I never thought possible. She’s a drug I can’t seem to get enough of. Her smile. I want to burn it into my retina, so I never forget it. Her laugh. I want to record it and play it on repeat every night. Her scent. I want to bottle it up and bathe in it every fucking morning.

But she didn’t deserve what I did. Yes, she had been driving me crazy all night, but we’ve only hooked up in private a handful of times, and then I just thrust her into exhibitionism. In front of my friends, who she just met, no less. At first, I did intend to tease her, like she said. Remind her who the fuck she belongs to, even if she won’t admit it. But once I got started, I couldn’t stop. I had to see her fall apart on my fingers, and it no longer mattered where we were or who was watching.

When she confirmed what I had feared—that she had been in an abusive, or at least toxic, relationship in college—I lost it all over again. I don’t know the extent of it, but she said she lost herself and was broken. She wasn’t lost or broken when I knew her in high school. She was spirited and excited for the future. There’s only one way to lose that. Someone or something takes it from you. With all her other vague statements, I’m betting it was someone, and I clearly brought up those feelings for her.

Did he do what I did? Did he try to control her with sex? I feel sick to my stomach now. As much as I enjoyed what happened at the bar and as much as she claimed she did too, I can’t help but wonder if it ignited buried trauma for her.

It killed me that she couldn’t talk to me face-to-face, but I meant it when I said I would wait for her. We haven’t spoken much since that night. We’ve both been busy with work, but it’s Tuesday, and she has the day off. I just got off the phone with Marco, and he said he could cover the job site today, so I’m going to surprise her. I hope it doesn’t backfire like the last time I tried to surprise her with a date. I mean, that one ended with my dick in her mouth, so it wasn’t all bad. But she had said no dates. This isn’t going to be a date, though. Just a friendly daytime hangout.

I turn on the shower and shoot off a text to her.

Any chance you’re available today?

She doesn’t answer right away, so I shuck off my clothes and step into the hot stream of the shower. I keep it quick and PG, ignoring my semi and looking down apologetically.Sorry, buddy. No time.I hear my phone buzz as I grab my towel and wrap it around my waist.

Emory: Depends. What did you have in mind?

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