Page 71 of Trustfall

He puts down the book he was holding, and I think the conversation is over. He’s going to turn around and walk out. Go back to ignoring me like he usually does. But then he grabs another one and starts absentmindedly flipping through the pages again.

“Why do you like it so much? Reading, I mean.”

“Oh… I don’t know. I’ve never thought about it. But I guess it’s because books feel infinite. You know, like the possibilities are endless. Anything can happen. I like that feeling.”

“Yeah. Me too.”

“Really?”

“Sure. It’s how I feel about traveling. Or what I imagine it will be like. I’ve only ever been here and North Carolina.”

That’s right. Nate said he’s leaving tomorrow for his “gap year.” Although I guess you can’t really call it that since I don’t think he plans to go to college at all. He was supposed to stay until the end of the summer, but he suddenly had a change of plans, and now he’s leaving tomorrow. It’s for the best. I don’t want him to go, but the sooner he leaves, the sooner I can get over this stupid crush.

“You leave tomorrow, right?” I ask.

“Yeah,” he says in a low voice, like he doesn’t want anyone else to hear him. Then, he leans down to put the book back on the shelf and he’s close again. So close I can feel his hot breath brush against my cheeks. It smells like mint and the tiniest hint of alcohol. He turns his face and I lean in. He leans in…

“Anyway, it’s getting late. I should go,” he finally says, snapping us both out of the moment. I instantly feel embarrassment flood my cheeks. Why did I think he was about to kiss me? I’m such an idiot.

I nod slowly, still trying to gain feeling back in my limbs.

“Yeah. Safe travels, Luke,” I whisper.

He looks at me like he wants to say something. Like he wants me to know his deepest, darkest secrets. Like he wants to flip my world upside down. But he just leans forward and whispers back.

“Be good, Little Wells.”

“You were never a stupid little girl to me,” Luke says, interrupting my memories and thrusting me back into the present.

He’s still holding me, his hand gliding up and down my back.

“I meant what I said when we first started all this. I’ve wanted to kiss you for ten years. Since I got back from visiting family in North Carolina that summer before you started high school. I was a stupid little kid myself before that. I was too busy trying to make friends and fit in at a new school. Making sure my dad wasn’t going to relapse again. But that first day of school… I saw you walk into the lunchroom, and I wanted to kiss you. I wanted to walk up to you and claim you right there in front of everyone. But I knew I had to stay away. I couldn’t do that to Nate. Not just because he would have killed me, but because it would have killed him. I’m sorry I ignored you. I… didn’t know what else to do.”

“So why that night? Why did you talk to me that night?”

“Because I knew I might never see you again. I hadn’t planned on coming back. I just wanted to know you better, so I could take a little piece of you with me. It’s stupid, I know.”

“No, it’s not stupid. It’s…” I start, my voice shaking. “I thought you were going to kiss me.”

“I wanted to.”

“Then why didn’t you?” I spit out as I pull away from him, irrational anger building inside me. If he had kissed me… If he hadn’t run away… I would never have been with Jaxon.

Someone ends up taking the ones you let slip away.

“I was leaving. And you were fucking sixteen, Em. I couldn’t do that to you. I couldn’t kiss you and walk out the door. You deserved more than that.”

He’s right. That girl reading on the windowsill, drinking her strawberry milkshake, and fantasizing about being kissed for the first time? She deserved everything. She didn’t get it, but that wasn’t his fault.

“And then I thought if I kissed you, I wouldn’t leave at all,” he goes on. “I had to leave, Emory. I was dying here.”

“I—” My words die in the back of my throat. What do I even say to that?

“Walking away back then seemed simple. It’s what I had to do, so I did it. But now…” He leans in, his voice a conspiratorial whisper. “Now, I know that you wear underwear with candy hearts in April. You play the shy card, but beneath that facade, you’re a badass woman who takes charge during a crisis. You would give someone the shirt off your back without hesitation. You love fast-food chicken nuggets, and your eyes are greener when you first wake up. Your soul is so fucking pure, it makes my heart ache just to watch you breathe sometimes. Every detail, every quirk, every whimper—they’ve burrowed deep. You’re not a beautiful stranger. You’re not Nate’s kid sister. You’re Emory Caldwell, and you’re all I fucking think about.”

His confession leaves me reeling and renders me speechless. I want to give in. I want to say fuck the past.

But I’m scared.

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