Page 84 of Trustfall

Luke disappears down the hall and comes back with one of his gray T-shirts. He slips it over my head, and I put my arms through.

“Thank you,” I say, as I crumple onto the couch. He takes his jacket off and sits next to me, taking my hand in his. It’s warm and soft and makes my heart hurt even more. He’s too good for me.

“Tell me,” he says gently.

I shake my head.

He brushes some hair from my eyes and tucks it behind my ear.

“Tell me,” he whispers this time. His cornflower eyes are glassy, his expression pleading. I can’t hide from him anymore. I can’t hide from this. He moves off the couch and gets on his knees in front of me, placing his palms on my thighs.

“Tell me how to take the pain away.”

“You can’t,” I croak. He looks down, a single tear escaping and trailing down his cheek.

I'm silent for a moment, and so is he. The only sound is our breathing, echoing off the walls, as Luke buries his face in my lap, his lashes brushing against the skin on my bare thighs. A sense of peace suddenly washes over me. Luke won't hurt me. He might push me to feel, to live, and maybe even to love, but he won't hurt me. He deserves more, but I do too.

I tip his chin up and move his head to the side so I can see the cut on his lip better. The bleeding has stopped, but there’s dried blood around it. I start to speak as I lick my thumb and wipe away the blood.

“I met Jaxon when I was a freshman at Ellsmont,” I whisper, but it comes out raspy, so I clear my throat. Luke looks up at me, his blue eyes searching my face. I shift my eyes away. I can’t look at him right now.

“The first six months were amazing. He was sweet. He took me out to all these fancy restaurants. Showed up at my dorm room with coffee every morning. But then…”

I steal a quick glance at him. He’s still, silent, listening to every word.

“He would get mad when I would do things without him,” I go on. “When I would hang out with Allie, or when I had a lot of work to do for my classes. He would make me feel guilty, saying that I must not care enough about him. That I wasn’t putting us first. But aside from that, our relationship was still relatively good.” I take a deep, steadying breath. “But sophomore year, it got worse. He started to control every aspect of my life. Who I hung out with. What I ate…I knew that wasn’t normal, but it was too late. I loved him. Or I thought I did. I don’t know anymore…” I trail off.

Luke starts rubbing little circles on my right thigh with his thumb, and it makes me feel safe. So, I keep talking.

“It wasn’t until junior year that he started cheating on me. He didn’t try to hide it. He threw it in my face every chance he got. He wanted me to know. He wanted me to smell other women on him. One time, he got mad at me because I laughed at a joke his friend made at his expense. We were at some frat party, and when I got up to go to the bathroom, he followed me and locked me in. I banged on the door for an hour, but no one heard me. Everyone was downstairs, too busy drinking and partying to notice. Then I heard noises outside the door, and I realized it was Jaxon. He was hooking up with someone right outside. I could hear everything. The next day, he acted like nothing happened. Like we were a perfect couple again.

Anger flashes across Luke’s features. He grits his teeth but remains silent. He’s letting me tell my story on my terms.

“Then senior year…” I swallow. “Senior year was the worst. The last year of a nursing program is very demanding. I had final assessments, internships…clinicals. Jaxon didn’t like that. He started cheating more and more, and when I would confront him about it, he would tell me it was my fault. I was tearing us apart. I was the reason why we wouldn’t make it. I tried to make it up to him. I would stay up all night doing work, so I could have more time for him during the day. I even called in sick to my internship a few times to be with him. But nothing I ever did was good enough.”

Tears run down Luke’s face, and he’s moved one hand onto the blanket, white-knuckling it in his fist. His other hand is still planted firmly on my thigh, but he’s stopped rubbing it.

“One night,” I continue, swallowing down the bile that’s starting to creep up my throat. “I had to stay late at the hospital and canceled on him. When I came to see him later, he hooked up with a girl in his room and…he forced me to watch.” I grit out the words, but I still can’t bring myself to tell him about the sex afterward. About how I begged for it. How I needed to erase what I had witnessed. How I felt like my body was the only tool I had to fix what I had broken because I truly believed it was me who had broken us. I can’t tell Luke any of that. One day, but not now. Luke clenches his fist tightly, his sadness boiling over into white-hot anger.

“We were supposed to move to California together after graduation,” I continue. “But that night, he threatened to go without me. He said no one else would ever want me, and he wanted me to know what it would be like without him. So when I woke up the next morning and he was gone… I thought he had made good on his threat. But…”

“Nate got to him,” he finishes for me.

“Yeah. I had no idea until now. I don’t know how much Allie told Nate, but it was enough for him to make Jaxon leave without me and threaten him if he ever came back.”

“Emory…”

Shit. Here it comes. I can see it in his eyes already. The pity. The judgment. Why did you stay for so long? Why was he the one who had to leave you?You’re pathetic. You’re nothing without me. No one else will ever want you.

“Don’t,” I say, moving his hand off my thigh and turning away from him.

“Emory, look at me.” He rises higher up on his knees so we’re face-to-face, but I turn away again.

“No.”

“It wasn’t a question. Fucking look at me, Emory.” His voice is calm but commanding. He’s not losing his temper, but he is pushing me.

I give in, turning my head and letting my eyes rise up to meet his.

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