Page 122 of Christmas in Coconut Creek

“It’ll be hard enough to say goodbye,” I told him honestly.

“I know.” His mouth twisted. “I know what you’re doing and I get it. I’m glad you’re setting that boundary, because I’m not physically strong enough to deny myself any part of you, especially the soft, tight little nooks I squeeze so nicely into.”

A delightful pang of heat melted through me as his hand slid down to rest on my hip as we walked. “Let’s just have fun tonight, okay? We’re both on the same page. That's what matters.”

“Right,” he agreed. “So let me eat you out before we leave later.”

“No!” I elbowed him again, his grip tightening as I tried to wiggle away. Frankie’s full lips curved up on one side, that flirty, mischievous smirk giving me just enough pause to consider how my body reacted so sweetly to his advances. “Maybe.”

“As friends,” he added, patting my ass.

I was never as strong as I pretended to be.

IsatinbetweenNatalia’s legs on the floor, staring at my reflection in the wall mirror as she dropped my hair in thick, ringlet curls down my back. My blood pressure spiked every time she laid the burning hot iron on the white down comforter on the bed beside her.

Our hotel suite was magnificent. Floor-to-ceiling windows in the shared living room looked out across the city, bright and neon lights like pinholes in a dark tapestry, traffic twisting and winding on the streets below. We could make out the tiny dots of people in parallel windows moving about, TV screens, and Christmas trees still lit up inside residential complexes.

Everyone separated into their own spaces to get ready for the night out and Nat and I called dibs on the biggest room with the deep cradle bathtub and double vanity, as if we’d be spending any time in it beyond getting dressed and sleeping. Frankie clearly expected that he and I would bunk together and stood in the open doorway with his arms crossed expectantly while Nat and I discussed our outfit choices. Until he gave up and sulked away.

I stretched my legs out in front of me, assessing the red polish on my toenails that had begun to chip away since our trip to the spa a few weeks ago. So strange to think how different things were. Frankie and I barely knew each other then; I was certain I had him figured out and I couldn’t have been more wrong. I never would have guessed I’d be mourning the loss of the man I met on that plane, especially not while he was still very much available to me. But there I was getting emotional about needing a new pedicure.

“I can’t believe tomorrow is my last full day,” I said. Nat’s eyebrows were scrunched in concentration as she twirled a brown strand of hair around the silver barrel.

“Don’t remind me.” She frowned. “Let’s never go that long without seeing each other again.”

“Never,” I swore. “I’m going back to Colorado with a list of dates to take off for the wedding and I already switched on the price alerts for flights to Florida.”

“I’m proud of you.” She stopped curling and we regarded each other in the mirror. “For stepping out of your comfort zone to come down here and spend the holidays with us. I know it wasn’t easy putting yourself before your family. If you’re half as great a sister as you are a friend I know they’re missing you profusely right now.”

“My dad called this morning and insisted on picking me up from the airport, and that man insists upon nothing, so that was all I needed to know,” I told her. “I miss them, too. But I’m not ready to go yet.”

She sighed. “I know. As much as I wish it were me you’re sad to leave, I can take a back seat to Frankie because he made this whole thing worth your while. I just wish he’d take his head out of his ass and make a decision about the job already.”

“Iamsad about leaving you.” My eyes rolled. “And I will miss Frankie, but I’ll also miss Mateo, and fuck, I’ll probably miss the other two if I’m being honest. I’m just going to miss the feeling oftogethernessas a whole. That’s what I’ve been lacking for so long.”

“You’re the queen of deflection.” She paused. “If playing him down is your lame way of cushioning the fact that you’re leaving the only guy you’ve ever had feelings like this for—just say that.”

I squinted at her scrutinizing reflection, my left eye twitching faintly. “Don’t make me.”

“If he knew there was a chance, Phee…”

“He does! He does know that,” I explained. “But it’s selfish of me to hope he might leave his family here and follow me to Colorado when we’ve only known each other for three weeks. This is the honeymoon phase of a relationship where everything is new and all we want to do is have sex and get fat together. What if I realize eventually that I hate the way he folds towels or he goes bald and I can’t stop imagining myself sleeping with Howie Mandel? What the fuck then, Nat?”

“Have you seen that man?” She raised an eyebrow. “He’s never going bald.”

“The towels are still a problem.”

“You’re reaching so far you could hook the moon.”

“The point is that I can’t get my hopes up. I’ve been let down too many times by too many people, so I’m going to make the most of these last two days andtryto detach myself. Even if that means lying to my own face in the mirror. We are practicing self-preservation in the new year.”

“Well that doesn’t start for another six hours.” Nat rolled off the bed and bounced on the balls of her feet into the bathroom, calling out through the open door, “So forget the damn resolutions and wear those pants I told you to wear!”

37

WhenIthoughtaboutit in my normal, very deep, and entirely too metaphorical for the average person sense, Florida was coming together like two sturdy bookends. My Coconut Creek Christmas started and ended with pregame alcohol, an outfit that squeezed every breath of air out of me, strobe lights, sticky bar floors, and bass thudding so violently through my bones that speaking to the person next to me was like doing so underwater. The longer the night went on the more the crowd built, until we were a sea of bobbing heads and flailing bodies, and everything not directly in front of me started to blur.

Natalia pulled me in and out of the swell for all her favorite songs, which were most of them, until we were misted in a sheen of sweat, and our calves were aching from hours of exertion. The difference between then and that first night out was the company. It was hard not to feel invincible with four former special operators close by, following our every move. Mateo and Frankie like watch dogs, sporadically joining in and keeping us hydrated, and even when we thought we’d lost Tyler or Sam for good, they’d show up with their hands full of shot glasses to pass around.

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