Page 134 of Christmas in Coconut Creek

“Just assume you’re always wrong,” I said.

Mateo sat at my side. “It’s five o’clock somewhere.” I felt his judgmental stare before he dusted a finger down my arm. “Where’d you bury the body?”

“Shed was a disaster.”

“Yeah, well you missed a spot on the lawn, too.”

I sat up. “Like fucking hell I did.”

“I’m pretty sure there has to be laws against cutting your grass before the ass crack of dawn.”

My lips pursed as I shot a look over the fence at Gino’s house with a smidge of regret. “Can I be honest about something?”

“About time,” Cap replied.

I fidgeted, tapping the armrest of the chair. “I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing.”

“You’re drinking a beer in the backyard at eight in the morning. You’re covered in dirt, you’re practically jobless, soon to be homeless, and the best thing that’s happened to you in years is getting on a plane right now while you sulk about it to the only person who isn’t gonna give it to you covered in lube.”

I buried my tongue in my cheek. “Can’t you pretend?”

“Then I wouldn’t be your best friend.”

As much as I hated it, I needed to hear it. Cap had been with me through some of the most physically and emotionally challenging times in my life. He’d pulled me out of the dark, gave me a purpose when I thought I had none, and recemented years of confidence that had weathered away. He wasn’t pushing me out of spite, he was pushing me out of love.

“I’m not about to sit here and watch another Vanessa happen to you, brother,” he continued. “This is not that. This is someone kind and good. She cares about you like I want you to be cared about. You know me, I put my faith in no one but my fucking family, and it’s my job to make sure you’re okay. I wouldn’t be doing this if I thought you weren’t.”

“This is nothing like Vanessa.” I scoffed at that comparison. Her image was like taking off your glasses—blurred edges, foggy details. Ophelia was clarity. “I’m not even sure I was ever actually in love with Vanessa after the last three weeks.”

Mateo turned toward me in his chair, the corners of his mouth widening into deep dimples. “Do you hear what you just said, man?”

“What?”

“You’re in love with her.”

My skin prickled. Was I? Was real, romantic love something I’d never known, so I couldn’t explain it with Ophelia? Maybe subliminally I thought I didn’t deserve to feel it, so I hadn’t even let myself try.

These were the reflections I never would have spent time harping on before.

“What do I do?”

“You go,” Cap pressed. “Get your shit together, stop feeling sorry for yourself in the backyard, and do something about it.”

“Go?” I laughed. “Go where? To Colorado? I don’t even have a job there. I don’t have a house. I know one person, who, as you so graciously pointed out, is hopping on a plane right now to return to her family, her job, herlife—all these things that make sense for her to do.”

“You’re being a bitch again.” Cap stood, his body blocking the low-hanging sun in front of me. “If the interviews go well, which they will, then you’ll be moving out there soon anyway, Pike. Why wait?”

“What if they don’t?” I battled. “I go out there with nothing, I don’t get the job, I’m out of my element, I leave my mom and my sister andyou. I need some guarantees here.”

“You have one,” he reminded me. “And so fucking what if that happens? You’ll figure it out like you always do. Your mom and your sister are fine, they told you themselves. Maria is in good hands; she has someone who loves her, Addy close by. You can visit whenever you get the chance, or she can fly out to see you. There is nothing holding you back right now butfear, man. Fear cannot control you forever.”

I ground my teeth together enough to make my jaw hurt. The worst part about being stubborn and self-effacing was the cement-in-your-stomach feeling when someone else was right. I could live in my ditch of safety, or I could decide to finally do something for myself that was frightening as much as it was thrilling. I was one decision away.

One thing I couldn’t argue was that I wanted her morning, afternoon, and night. I wanted snowstorms in the mountains, and summers by the lake. I wanted all the rest of my firsts to be hers—first homes, first children, first face I saw every day when I woke up. I wanted to meet her parents and her siblings. I wanted to be there to fill all of her worries with hope and doubts with promises.

I wanted Ophelia.

Across the lawn a fleck of blue caught my eye, swooping in circles, idling on the edge of the bushes. All doubt got stuck in my throat as a Monarch landed, basking on the flowery branches like a bright little omen.

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