Jesus fucking Christ.

“Tally is very creative. I agree. The girls got the same ritzy bedazzled bullshit with hair ties and wine glasses.”

“Nah, this has you written all over it,” Frankie said. “The rest of the guys loved it, Cap. Don’t worry.”

“Right, I’m sure they’re not all dying to hold it over my head for the rest of my life, too. When you guys get married, you’ll see. And I’m going to be the first fucker in the group text to say I told you so.”

“Hold that thought.”

“No, come on. I’m trying to enjoy my lunch here?—”

The line cut out and I sighed at the screen. I ate one more quarter of a sandwich before a message came in from Frankie to all my groomsmen. Angelo, Tyler—aka, Echo—and his brother Sam, who we called Wink.

Pike

I just wanted to thank Cap for these tastefully put-together groomsmen gifts, and say I will be there to tie your knot anytime, brother.

Me

You’re a dickhead

Wink

I’m pouring one of these little nibs of alcohol out for you to mourn the loss of your sack

Pike

I personally will be drinking all the tiny bottles of alcohol

Echo

There’s shit inside this box? I’ve been using it as a Squatty Potty.

Me

Fuck every single one of you, from the bottom of my heart

Angelo

I haven’t checked the mail since Mom and Dad left. What am I looking for?

Me

You should probably check the mail before USPS sends someone to the house for a wellness check

Pike

There’s beef jerky and Jameson in it

Wink

Mine had a handwritten love letter with a lipstick kiss

Me

In your fucking dreams

Echo