Page 75 of The Last Session

“I don’t exactly know. Basically whenever I needed help of any kind, she acted like it was this huge inconvenience or embarrassment for her.” To my horror, tears sprang to my eyes.

“Oh, Thea.” Sol reached out and took my hand. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine.” A tear leaked, and I wiped it from my cheek. “Honestly. I went to therapy for all that.”

“But clearly it’s still painful.” Sol squeezed my hand. “Listen, I want you to know something. That was her problem, not yours.”

“I know.”

“And I think that story shows something significant. You could’ve just shoved down your discomfort and let the doctor examine you. But you said no. You used your agency. Even if your mom didn’t like it.”

“That’s true.” And it was, I’d just never thought of it that way.

“I had issues with my mom too; as I mentioned, she was controlling and manipulative. It made me feel powerless. So later on, I’d take out that anger on other women.” He glanced at me. “Not, you know, physically. But it really messed up my relationships. I’m telling you because we’re all trying to work through this stuff. It’s not like Moon and I have all the answers, you know? But when a group like this comes together and agrees to be open and honest, it facilitates immense change. I treasure what you just shared with me. And I hope you can bring the same vulnerability to your session.”

His blue eyes were more slate gray up close.

I swallowed. “Thanks, Sol. I’ll try.”

“Good.” He stood, then held out a hand to pull me up. “You want to help me carry some fruits and veggies to the kitchen?”

“Sure.” As he handed me a basket of peppers, I felt the same sense of whiplash that I’d experienced after talking to Moon. As we again skirted the rattlesnake, Sol chatted about other creatures they’d seen: lizards, deer, coyotes. Apparently, one attendee had brought her dog, an elderly chihuahua named Dionysus who had half-blindly chased jackrabbits bigger than him—at least when his favorite prey, Steven, wasn’t around.

I laughed, wondering at the expansiveness that filled my chest. Was it because of what I’d shared with Sol? I knew from therapy sessionshow much of a relief it could be to share a shameful story and feel validated and supported.

But that had just been a taste. One small story to one person. After dinner, we’d have the final session, and it would finally be my turn. I had no idea what Moon and Sol would pull from me in front of everyone, and I dreaded finding out.

32

“Do you think the soulmate thing is true?” Next to me, Dawne waited for an answer, blinking her plush eyelashes.

“Huh?” I paused, the homemade pizza halfway to my mouth. We were having dinner, but I was lost in trepidation verging on panic. I’d always had stage fright, and this felt like the worst possible version: pouring out my issues in front of an audience. I’d been remembering a grade school talent show in which I was supposed to recite a poem, but ran off the stage instead.

“I don’t know if you saw this, but that’s the guarantee. That if you come here you’ll meet your soulmate after.” Dawne speared a forkful of salad, looking thoughtful.

“I did see that.” Being here, I was even more skeptical of the claims.

“I mean, I’ve done all this work,” she went on. “I’ve been to so many retreats. I’ve read so many books. Podcasts. Therapy. I really don’t know what else I can do.” Her eyes became shiny, and she pressed a hand to her chest.

“You’ve done a lot,” I acknowledged. I understood her frustrations, all the pain that came from constant dating disappointments. Feeling like something was being kept from you—something that could make you feel so much better. Before Ryan, I’d made two other relationships “official,” but they’d both crumbled quickly, burning out in around six months.

“It will happen at the right time,” I went on. “And it’ll be better than you could’ve imagined.” It sounded like something she’d like to hear.

“You’re totally right. It will. Thanks.” She gave me a tiny, relieved smile.

Jonah caught my eyes once across the table. He was also on the healing docket, and I wondered if he felt nervous. He’d claimed he couldn’t act his way through a session—so what was he going to share?

I was the first to arrive at the yoga pavilion. Inside, Grace was setting dozens of small electric candles around the perimeter, which gave off a cozy glow. Moon and Sol conferred quietly on cushions.

As I sat, nerves—no, terror—reared up. As with the talent show, I wanted nothing more than to race back outside. Grace sat next to me, smoothing a few stray orange hairs. Interesting—she hadn’t been at the other sessions. The others filed in, and I was also surprised to see Steven take a seat.

“Why the extra people?” Jonah asked. His voice sounded tight.

Moon smiled at him. “You’ll see.”

Mikki sat on my other side. She reached out to squeeze my forearm.

“So.” Moon clapped her hands on her thighs. “Let’s begin. We have a very special session to look forward to tonight. We weren’t sure if this was the case, but after meditating today I’m feeling pretty confident. We have two attendees here whose patterns overlap.”

---