Page 5 of One of Our Own

She sent back a bunch of emojis with all kinds of different feelings. I had no idea what they meant or how to interpret them. Ever since Hunter informed me the sobbing your eyes out emoji was now used as a response for something funny, I’d given up tryingto use them right. What was she trying to tell me? Why couldn’t she use words?

That sounds like a lot,I responded, with a confused emoji of my own.

Lol,she wrote, followed by a roller coaster.

I’m so glad you reached out. I want to help. How can I help you?

I stared at the phone, reading and rereading what I’d sent. I sounded like a customer service agent. I wished she’d just call. She wasn’t going to open up to me like this. But suddenly, the text bubbles danced on my screen. Dance and stop. Dance and stop. And then they just stopped. Whatever she’d written, she didn’t hit send. She must’ve changed her mind. What was she going to say? I couldn’t help her if she wouldn’t talk. This was so different from the call center.

Are you still there?I couldn’t wait any longer. I only had ten minutes before I had to be in court, and I had to do something.

I have a new plan.

What did that mean? A plan to end things, or to get help? This was why I hated texting. It was too ambiguous. It was hard enough to help them on the phone. This was almost impossible.

Did you call me earlier? Can you call me again?

I can’t anymore

This time I was the one to do the three-dot dance for her as I typed and erased my response before finally settling onCan you tell me more about the plan? I just want to make sure you’re safe.

I’m going to shoot them first

Nausea flooded my throat.

Who?I asked, like I didn’t already know.

The boys who hurt me.

Do you think there’s another way? Think about what happens if you do that.

I don’t care. It doesn’t matter, since I’m leaving anyway. I decided last night. They should have to pay for what they did to me. Why should I have to be the only one suffering? They’re just going about their lives like it’s no big deal. No way. And you know what else? I don’t want people to remember me like that. Not on that video. I’ll make a new video when I do it. I’ll be the girl that got payback.

My blood froze. Countless images from school shootings flashed through me. Was that what she was planning? My head spun with possible scenarios, each one more terrifying than the last.

I understand you’re in a lot of pain, and I know it feels like it will last forever, but it won’t. Can we try to find a different plan together?

You wouldn’t be saying that if you knew what they did to me

What did they do?Was I supposed to ask that? I didn’t know, but I felt like I was gathering her statement, so it seemed important. The seconds dragged while I waited for her to respond.

Still nothing.

Was it too triggering? Maybe I shouldn’t have asked. Then, finally:

Promise you won’t tell anyone?

I promise.I knew I had to say it, so she’d trust me. In reality, I had no idea what I’d do next or who I was going to tell, but I was going to have to tell someone. Could the police trace unknown numbers?

They drugged me and took turns

She didn’t have to clarify. I rubbed my hands on my face. A throbbing pain grew behind my eyes. It’d be a full-fledged migraine by tonight. I checked the time again: two minutes until trial.

How did I respond to that? I was a lawyer. Not a therapist or mental health professional of any kind. In the thirty hours of training to work at the call center, nothing had prepared me for anything like this. All I could think about was Phillip’s anger about my having given her my number in the first place. This was why. Right here. I was so far out of my depth, and I had no time.

I’m sorry, I’m at work and have to be in a meeting very soon. Can we talk again later? Can you promise me that you won’t do anything until we talk again? You won’t hurt yourself or anyone else. Please??I put a series of praying hands at the end.

A few excruciating beats passed.

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