Page 49 of Just for a Taste

I met Zeno’s eyes and noticed how his eyelashes fluttered as he quickly blinked (another nervous habit). It was only last night that I had seen them so close, had run my hands through his hair. He had told me so much about him, and I owed him the same. Tit for tat.

I drank another sip, took a deep breath, and tried to speak without letting my voice shake.

“My family always told me I’d be the one to go to college first. First in the family, first in Red Creek—that’s in Appalachia, by the way. Ma wanted me to become a lawyer, or a doctor, or something that would get all of us out of using food stamps, but Pa—Pa told me to do whatever I wanted. He was a great man. He never really hugged me, but he loved all of us so much, I swear it warmed the house in the winter.

“He used to buy me history books for my birthday or Christmas, or even when he got a raise. He taught me how complicated the past was, and how beautiful its secrets are. Pa always wanted to be a history professor, but he had to take a job at the local factory. I used to make him give me lectures, though, and the only time he shined brighter than when he talked about ancient Rome was when he looked at Ma. He, uh, died when I was ten. He was killed, actually, by Ma’s ex-husband.”

That part, I hadn’t told even Emily. As far as she knew, it was a misfire from a friend. I took another deep sip and pointed at my glass. He refilled it.

“Anyway, that was when Ma slipped into it. She had experienced depressive episodes before, of course, but nothing like this. She just went back and forth between sleeping and drinking. That’s when Peachy stepped up to do all the housework and even did our taxes, and all there was in this world was me and her. She never applied for college, since she had to take care of Ma.

“I graduated at the top of my class with a ton of credits, and I got all these applications for all these schools. Prelaw schools, premed schools. But when I was filling them out, I saw a picture of Pa, and I remembered what he told me. I threw away all the applications but one, to a nearby liberal arts college. Ma wasmad,and once her liver started acting up and medical bills started piling up—”

A new flavor overshadowed the aftertaste of wine. It was strong and salty. I touched a finger to my lower lip and found my fingertips were stained red, but not from wine.

“Shit,” I hissed. Even that small amount of blood was jarring against the white of my sleeve. A handkerchief appeared before me. I pressed it against my mouth with one hand and found my glass empty with the other. “More wine,” I said through the cloth.

“I don’t think—”

“More wine,please.”

“Cora, I’m not going to give you more.”

I shut my eyes, swallowed back tears, and grabbed the bottle myself. Once my lip clotted, I chased down the ferric taste with a mouthful of wine.

“Cora, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to—”

“It’s fine,” I cut in. “Tit for tat, right?”

“Right.” His uneasy tone betrayed the certainty of the word. Carefully, as though I wouldn’t notice if he were slow enough, Zeno moved my glass away. It was a strange decision, I thought, for him to be swaying. Or was that me?

“As I was saying, Ma was mad. She was downrightfurious, an’ I couldn’t handle it, so I went to London. I got a call from a doctor a few months later sayin’ Ma had died. Peachy called an’ called an’ called me—she still does sometimes—but I ain’t ever answered. Maybe I could’a gone there in person, but—”

All at once, the amount of alcohol in my system overwhelmed me. I felt my brain floating in my head, my head floating on my body, my body floating around the room. I heard my native tongue emerging uninvited. Sitting up straight with my ankles crossed and hands in my lap like Ma had taught me had become a challenge.

I looked across the table at Zeno, sitting with perfect posture, looking horrified.

“Oh,” I whispered. “I gotta go.”

Chapter 24: Che gelida manina

When I stood, the world spun, and the ground rushed toward me. I squeezed my eyes shut in anticipation of the hard stone against my face, but the blow never struck. Instead, I was smothered in warmth.

Zeno gently separated me from him but still held me up by my shoulders. I squinted but couldn’t read his expression beyond the haze.

“I shouldn’t have let you drink so much,” he sighed.

“Too cold,” I mumbled. I grabbed the back of Zeno’s shirt and pulled him back toward me. He stood rigid and awkward,notcomfy like he had been only a few moments ago.

“Hey!” I looked up to glare at him but laughed instead. “Your face is so red! Are you drunk, too, Zeno?”

His eyes widened. “I’m not—Cora, we’re done. You should lie down.”

“No!” I hit his chest with the side of my fist in protest. “Tit for tat! Your turn to talk!”

“Don’t be ridiculous. You won’t even remember what I said. I’ll walk you back to your room.”

“Tit for tat!I ain’t going nowhere ’til you tell me everything. I wanna know if you’ve been in love, an’ your favorite food, an’ where you get your clothes.”

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